• This is a political forum that is non-biased/non-partisan and treats every person's position on topics equally. This debate forum is not aligned to any political party. In today's politics, many ideas are split between and even within all the political parties. Often we find ourselves agreeing on one platform but some topics break our mold. We are here to discuss them in a civil political debate. If this is your first visit to our political forums, be sure to check out the RULES. Registering for debate politics is necessary before posting. Register today to participate - it's free!

How much time with your spouse/SO is too much?

on the Myers Brigg I am an ENFP which means although I am an extrovert I need a lot of quiet/contemplative time and I enjoy being alone

I understand your panic

you have to talk to her, no doubt about it

I need lots of space or I can't regroup...he understands that if I don't "regroup" I get super grumpy....you might have to explain in stages and when opportunity presents itself...that works best for me

best of luck...I feel your pain
I was engaged to another woman about 15 years ago, and we discussed this. Her thought of my alone time was her retreating to another portion of the house for an hour.

Ummm, no. That's not it.

She and I were greatly compatible overall, but she was insanely insecure and jealous, and this "hour solution" was part of her needing to keep me close by at all times. The jealousy is why we eventually parted ways.
 
How much time with your spouse/SO is too much?

I'm a serious introvert. I like my "alone time". My wife is a serious extrovert.

Our current situation is like this:
- I recently got transferred to another office and my commute was cut in half from 45 minutes to 20 minutes.
- My wife works 45 minutes away.
- My wife works on a rotating schedule, meaning she gets one full weekend and one other Saturday off each month.
- We spend evening together and honestly do enjoy each other's company.
- She is pushing her work for all weekends off so we can spend all our free time together.

:neutral:

Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly. But, I spend all day at work with people. I then spend all evenings with my wife. I spend 3 weekend says a months with her as well. I'd be fine if she got two full weekends off, that'd be cool, but to be brutally honest, I value my 4-5 days a month where I get to be alone for most of the day. I feel like that's what keeps me sane.

Then there's another rub, and this one actually has me somewhat anxious. A good friend of ours, who works less than a block away from where I work now, is pushing hard for my wife to get a job there. :doh

*sigh* So then, I would have virtually no alone time throughout the month whatsoever. I'd be around other people at work. When not at work I'd be with my wife during all evenings, during all weekends, and even during the drive to work.

I seriously don't know what to do. I have thought of texting our friend and asking her to stop pushing for the job there. If I express my concerns to me wife I can almost guarantee I'd hurt her feelings, and I don't want to do that. But, I am who I am. I don't need or want constant interaction with people 24/7.

I honestly don't understand how some people can live AND work together all the fricken time with never a break.

Thoughts?

You gotta just tell her, man. Really. I have found no other way of dealing with this issue with extroverts. You just need to tell her point-blank that you need some amount of guaranteed alone time and it's important to your well-being.

Hopefully, knowing you fairly well I would think, she knows not to be offended. It's really not a big ask, after all.
 
I was engaged to another woman about 15 years ago, and we discussed this. Her thought of my alone time was her retreating to another portion of the house for an hour.

Ummm, no. That's not it.

She and I were greatly compatible overall, but she was insanely insecure and jealous, and this "hour solution" was part of her needing to keep me close by at all times. The jealousy is why we eventually parted ways.

OMGggggggggg I soooooooooo understand that

this guy I am with now can disappear for hours and do his own thing

it's not that I don't love my partner, it's because I do that I need alone time...I need to center myself and just be alone

people need to understand "give me some f'ing time to miss you...let my being know it's time to rejoin"

otherwise...well....yeah like you I can't be with someone who constantly NEEDS to be around me...this guy was that way at the beginning...I remember when we first hooked up....two decades ago...I remember him saying...."wow, I have managed to visit you four times today between clients" and I remember thinking.........."yes, yes you f'ing have"

I can't breathe...literally with that kind of closeness

now he gets it....give her a chance....you have to retrain her... :mrgreen:

:peace
 
OMGggggggggg I soooooooooo understand that

this guy I am with now can disappear for hours and do his own thing

it's not that I don't love my partner, it's because I do that I need alone time...I need to center myself and just be alone

people need to understand "give me some f'ing time to miss you...let my being know it's time to rejoin"

otherwise...well....yeah like you I can't be with someone who constantly NEEDS to be around me...this guy was that way at the beginning...I remember when we first hooked up....two decades ago...I remember him saying...."wow, I have managed to visit you four times today between clients" and I remember thinking.........."yes, yes you f'ing have"

I can't breathe...literally with that kind of closeness

now he gets it....give her a chance....you have to retrain her... :mrgreen:

:peace
I'm sitting here nodding my head like a bobble-head dog in the rear window of a car at a low-rider hopping contest. :lol:
 
I'm sitting here nodding my head like a bobble-head dog in the rear window of a car at a low-rider hopping contest. :lol:

lol...it's okay, you can make it work...there are people who will give you space once they understand

the other part to this equation is, they make think the expectation is velcro...they make try to make themselves okay with velcro but once they understand there is no need and that they get to remain completely independent whilst having "full" support for who they are and what they need...well, many love it
 
Umm. As much time as needed but not too much?
 
How much time with your spouse/SO is too much?

I'm a serious introvert. I like my "alone time". My wife is a serious extrovert.

Our current situation is like this:
- I recently got transferred to another office and my commute was cut in half from 45 minutes to 20 minutes.
- My wife works 45 minutes away.
- My wife works on a rotating schedule, meaning she gets one full weekend and one other Saturday off each month.
- We spend evening together and honestly do enjoy each other's company.
- She is pushing her work for all weekends off so we can spend all our free time together.

:neutral:

Don't get me wrong. I love my wife dearly. But, I spend all day at work with people. I then spend all evenings with my wife. I spend 3 weekend says a months with her as well. I'd be fine if she got two full weekends off, that'd be cool, but to be brutally honest, I value my 4-5 days a month where I get to be alone for most of the day. I feel like that's what keeps me sane.

Then there's another rub, and this one actually has me somewhat anxious. A good friend of ours, who works less than a block away from where I work now, is pushing hard for my wife to get a job there. :doh

*sigh* So then, I would have virtually no alone time throughout the month whatsoever. I'd be around other people at work. When not at work I'd be with my wife during all evenings, during all weekends, and even during the drive to work.

I seriously don't know what to do. I have thought of texting our friend and asking her to stop pushing for the job there. If I express my concerns to me wife I can almost guarantee I'd hurt her feelings, and I don't want to do that. But, I am who I am. I don't need or want constant interaction with people 24/7.

I honestly don't understand how some people can live AND work together all the fricken time with never a break.

Thoughts?

Get yourself a safespace. I've got MY den and MY garage when I need to get away and retreat I go to one of them. Seriously I read in the garage probably an hour to an hour and a half a day, doesn't matter if it's 20 below. She knows I need my space and time alone to keep sane and she doesn't intrude and besides hanging out in the garage isn't that fun for her, lol. It's doable as we've made our introvert/extrovert marriage work for 29 years. But you got to be upfront about your needs and she has to be secure enough to know you love her even if you don't act like it at times.
 
This ^^^

If you have room, a den or a man cave is good idea.
 
Back
Top Bottom