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Online dating and knowing a woman in person

EMNofSeattle

EMNofSeattle

No Russian ever called me deplorable
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So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
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Sure. If it were me, I'd message her through the website and let her know you recognized her picture as you were browsing the matches, and you've enjoyed her profile and your in-person conversations.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

I would probably just message her on the website with "Hey, what a pleasant surprise to see you here. Hope all's well!". That imo is friendly and a little flirtatious without being overly flirtatious. If you wanted to flirt a little more, you could replace "see you here" with "see your pretty face here".
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

Since where you'd talk to her would be at her job (I'm assuming), that might be a little awkward for her. I'd message her through the website and set up a date that way. Or ask for her phone number and set it up over the phone.
 
Josie said:
Since where you'd talk to her would be at her job (I'm assuming), that might be a little awkward for her. I'd message her through the website and set up a date that way. Or ask for her phone number and set it up over the phone.
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I think this is the better way too. it could be awkward at her work in front of coworkers , bosses and other customers. I don't think there is anything wrong with letting her know you saw her at work but I would say that for a later conversation. as that might come off creepy right at first.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

Message her through the website. Let her know you've met her where she works. Don't contact her in person. Big mistake.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

Message her through the website.

At least you know she isn't a catfish.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

In person. But if you do decide message her through the dating site make sure you make it clear that you've met before or you'll creep her out.
 
lurchadams said:
In person. But if you do decide message her through the dating site make sure you make it clear that you've met before or you'll creep her out.
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I think that's a bad move. He'd be approaching her while she's on the clock at her job. That's never a good place to ask for a date. It's also a situation where she'll feel pressure in how she responds due to the fact that she can't really take her time to talk or think, and not wanting to potentially cause a scene.

While I'm sure that wouldn't happen if she said no, she doesn't know that. As EM says, they aren't very close, and that possibility will occur to her. Anyone who's worked in any sort of service-oriented job knows that customers can get pretty crazy.

Messaging her on the website allows a more appropriate and less pressured way of communicating interest.
 
TheGoverness said:
Message her through the website.

At least you know she isn't a catfish.
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It's funny you should say that because her job is at the seafood counter and I buy fish frequently at this store.....
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
I think that's a bad move. He'd be approaching her while she's on the clock at her job. That's never a good place to ask for a date. It's also a situation where she'll feel pressure in how she responds due to the fact that she can't really take her time to talk or think, and not wanting to potentially cause a scene.

While I'm sure that wouldn't happen if she said no, she doesn't know that. As EM says, they aren't very close, and that possibility will occur to her. Anyone who's worked in any sort of service-oriented job knows that customers can get pretty crazy.

Messaging her on the website allows a more appropriate and less pressured way of communicating interest.
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Good points. But don't you agree the OP should disclose they've met before?
 
Ok, I think that I am now officially considered old. We have moved from the age of personal to the age of impersonal where people go through computers to actually ask someone out on a date even though they know the person that they are thinking of asking out. I really cannot believe how many people have suggested that EMNofSeattle go through the computer to ask a woman out. What the heck did we ever do before online dating sites?

IMO, if a person can't ask another person that they know and can see in person out on a date then they're not that interested and shouldn't be asking period. I can understand using online date sites to meet people you never could have possibly met under normal circumstances but to ask someone out through one that you actually know is just....wrong.

EMN, if you read this...go to that store and ask the woman out. In person. Not over the internet. I guarantee that its the best way. Humans have been doing that for as long as there's been jobs and dating....it can't be THAT bad. And if you can't then simply leave the poor woman alone.
 
Kal'Stang said:
Ok, I think that I am now officially considered old. We have moved from the age of personal to the age of impersonal where people go through computers to actually ask someone out on a date even though they know the person that they are thinking of asking out. I really cannot believe how many people have suggested that EMNofSeattle go through the computer to ask a woman out. What the heck did we ever do before online dating sites?

IMO, if a person can't ask another person that they know and can see in person out on a date then they're not that interested and shouldn't be asking period. I can understand using online date sites to meet people you never could have possibly met under normal circumstances but to ask someone out through one that you actually know is just....wrong.

EMN, if you read this...go to that store and ask the woman out. In person. Not over the internet. I guarantee that its the best way. Humans have been doing that for as long as there's been jobs and dating....it can't be THAT bad. And if you can't then simply leave the poor woman alone.
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It's mostly just because he only has real-world contact with her when she's at work. That's not a very good time to ask for a date if you want an unpressured response and time to talk a little. I can tell you I'd be sort of uncomfortable under those circumstances, because I wouldn't feel I had a legitimate chance to think, or to refuse if I wanted.

If they had other sorts of contact while not in a potentially pressuring situation, I'd say asking in person was probably the way to go.
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
It's mostly just because he only has real-world contact with her when she's at work. That's not a very good time to ask for a date if you want an unpressured response and time to talk a little. I can tell you I'd be sort of uncomfortable under those circumstances, because I wouldn't feel I had a legitimate chance to think, or to refuse if I wanted.

If they had other sorts of contact while not in a potentially pressuring situation, I'd say asking in person was probably the way to go.
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Billions of people get asked out at work. In fact that is where most married people have met. Yes, such a situation is a little awkward. But a little awkwardness is a damn site better than being completely impersonal about it through a dating site. Doing such in this type of situation shows insecurity in oneself and/or shows that the person is a bit too detached from their feelings. And what woman wants an insecure or emotionally distant man in their personal and intimate life?
 
Kal'Stang said:
Billions of people get asked out at work. In fact that is where most married people have met. Yes, such a situation is a little awkward. But a little awkwardness is a damn site better than being completely impersonal about it through a dating site. Doing such in this type of situation shows insecurity in oneself and/or shows that the person is a bit too detached from their feelings. And what woman wants an insecure or emotionally distant man in their personal and intimate life?
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I don't think so. I think that awkwardness (read: pressure) was an unfortunately thing we had no choice but to either deal with or just say nothing, when there was no internet.

Now we don't have to deal with it, and we can make a choice to remove unfair pressure from someone by using other tools.

That's a good thing. It is a good thing to NOT pressure someone that you like and want to date, if you have any available options in order to avoid it. And if those options are only online... so what? Not pressuring is good.

You will find that despite being on the younger side, I have generally come down against trying to replace RL interaction with online interaction (and when I've been on dating sites, I am never one to muck around with someone who's not in my city or who wants to delay actually meeting). But here, the internet can serve a virtuous purpose: to avoid an undesirable negative power imbalance which would be unvoidable in RL, given their circumstances.

The internet can act as a tool to remove that negative imbalance. What's bad about that?

If a man I knew only through my CS job did that, I would assume he didn't want to pressure me, not that he's "detached." He could also simply SAY that in the message, which I think would go over very well.
 
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Kal'Stang said:
Billions of people get asked out at work. In fact that is where most married people have met. Yes, such a situation is a little awkward. But a little awkwardness is a damn site better than being completely impersonal about it through a dating site. Doing such in this type of situation shows insecurity in oneself and/or shows that the person is a bit too detached from their feelings. And what woman wants an insecure or emotionally distant man in their personal and intimate life?
Click to expand...

I wouldn't think that a guy is emotionally distant or insecure for contacting me online instead of at work. I would just assume he thought it was more appropriate than approaching me at work when I'm supposed to be .... working. :shrug:
 
Kal'Stang said:
Ok, I think that I am now officially considered old. We have moved from the age of personal to the age of impersonal where people go through computers to actually ask someone out on a date even though they know the person that they are thinking of asking out. I really cannot believe how many people have suggested that EMNofSeattle go through the computer to ask a woman out. What the heck did we ever do before online dating sites?

IMO, if a person can't ask another person that they know and can see in person out on a date then they're not that interested and shouldn't be asking period. I can understand using online date sites to meet people you never could have possibly met under normal circumstances but to ask someone out through one that you actually know is just....wrong.

EMN, if you read this...go to that store and ask the woman out. In person. Not over the internet. I guarantee that its the best way. Humans have been doing that for as long as there's been jobs and dating....it can't be THAT bad. And if you can't then simply leave the poor woman alone.
Click to expand...

Going to her place of business to ask her out in front of her manager could make her very uncomfortable. That could manifest as her turning down an offer that she might have otherwise agreed to.

She's on a dating site. That is a venue she goes to for the express purpose of meeting new people like that. Her work is for working. The more appropriate venue is the website.

If he by chance ran into her in public somewhere, on the street or in a bar, on even footing, i would think that that's better than on the website.
 
I wonder if people back in the late 1800s said anything similar about the new age of communicating by telephone. Whatever happened to writing letters in beautiful cursive penmanship with the quill pen and a bottle of ink and having to wait months for your letter to arrive to it's destination? Now THAT was communicating. :p
 
Josie said:
I wonder if people back in the late 1800s said anything similar about the new age of communicating by telephone. Whatever happened to writing letters in beautiful cursive penmanship with the quill pen and a bottle of ink and having to wait months for your letter to arrive to it's destination? Now THAT was communicating. :p
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We've all heard the story about Alexander Graham Bell and the first phone call to Watson. What we generally don't hear is that his second call was to his secretary and is reported to have been "Hey, Sally, What are you wearing?"
 
Lutherf said:
We've all heard the story about Alexander Graham Bell and the first phone call to Watson. What we generally don't hear is that his second call was to his secretary and is reported to have been "Hey, Sally, What are you wearing?"
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To which the reply was 'Absolutely nothing'
 
Just ask her out in person. The worst thing that can happen is that she'll say no. And then claim harassment and have you thrown out of the market. Prolly sue you for stalking too. But other than that...
 
SmokeAndMirrors said:
I think that's a bad move. He'd be approaching her while she's on the clock at her job. That's never a good place to ask for a date. It's also a situation where she'll feel pressure in how she responds due to the fact that she can't really take her time to talk or think, and not wanting to potentially cause a scene.

While I'm sure that wouldn't happen if she said no, she doesn't know that. As EM says, they aren't very close, and that possibility will occur to her. Anyone who's worked in any sort of service-oriented job knows that customers can get pretty crazy.

Messaging her on the website allows a more appropriate and less pressured way of communicating interest.
Click to expand...

I would think that since she chose the website as a way to meet men, so that would be the way to go.
 
EMNofSeattle said:
So keeping the details brief, I was perusing through an online dating site and noticed a lady who looked familiar, so I look at her profile and after thinking it for a second, I realize that i have met her in person. Now we're not friends or close in any way, she works at a grocery store where I'm a regular customer and interact with her maybe twice a week, give or take.

So the simple question is, we've had small talk conversations before, basic stuff you might chat with a store clerk about, but I'm kind of interested in her and apparently she's on the market (no pun intended), so should I message her through this website, or in person ?
Click to expand...

was there website 20 years ago ?
 
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