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So, Here's One For Ya[W:147]

Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Many interesting theories floating about in this topic. Let me confuse you a bit more TC and add mine:

It's possible that she genuinely likes you and sees real potential there but has you on retainer, which can afford different interpretations. Perhaps she's more interested in another guy, but the uncertainty of that pursuit is compelling her to have a plan B. There's also the possibility that she's stranded in the shadow of an old or ongoing drama, an intense love interest that she only recently abandoned, or a great love that already had a fallout, but she still has a modicum of hope that perhaps it'll come back.

Either way, she doesn't seem worth it. Besides, your emotional investment in her is minimal; no point in dragging this longer than it needs.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Time to throw my hat into the mix...

Since you got her from an internet dating site, it seems to me that she's still going through her list and picking through it. Keep asking her out for a few more months and see how it goes. In the meantime you ought to keep dating others. Dont limit yourself to one, especially if they havent committed yet.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

PoS said:
Time to throw my hat into the mix...

Since you got her from an internet dating site, it seems to me that she's still going through her list and picking through it. Keep asking her out for a few more months and see how it goes. In the meantime you ought to keep dating others. Dont limit yourself to one, especially if they havent committed yet.
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Eh, honestly. If this doesn't work out, I'm probably done for the time being.

A) This is a small, small town, with a small pool of available talent. She's basically the only attractive girl I've run into so far out here who wasn't either a divorced single mom, a cougar, or problematic to approach due to the military's rank structure and policy on "fraternization."

B) I'm only here till the beginning of October, and I've actually got a lot of assignments coming up in the next few weeks for my course anyway.

If this doesn't work out, It's probably just a sign that I need to focus my attention elsewhere until I get home, tbh. :shrug:
 
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Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Goddamnit. See? This is exactly what I'm talking about.

She actually texted me this afternoon, and tried to invite me out tonight. Unfortunately, however, I work in a classified building, where cell phones aren't allowed, and I didn't get out until 6 PM. Therefore I didn't see the message until she'd already eaten, and now she doesn't want to go out any more. She's basically saying something to the effect of "maybe next week."

I really don't know what to make of it. She actually does make the effort to seek me out. I'll give her that much. However, if we can't do things on exactly her terms, she doesn't want any part it.

Is it a control thing maybe???

Either way... I'm about done with this. Things are getting ridiculous.
 
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Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Alright. I finally prodded her enough that she gave me the "lets be friends" speech. I told her "that's all you've got to say," and thanked her for her time.

Jesus.

We'll go ahead and file that one under "things you could just friggin' tell a guy instead of wasting his time for two and a half weeks." :roll:

Now... Watch her start texting me again in three or four days once I stop giving her the time of day. Lol
 
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Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Well this is why i'm glad i don't have to put up with girls

Not that it matters in this case but for future reference, you should force a girl to prove her commitment to you about a week earlier. Proposing then canceling dates clearly doesn't count. Yes, some people are truly that wrapped up in career, but 9/10 they're full of ****
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Alright. I finally prodded her enough that she gave me the "lets be friends" speech. I told her "that's all you've got to say," and thanked her for her time.

Jesus.

We'll go ahead and file that one under "things you could just friggin' tell a guy instead of wasting his time for two and a half weeks." :roll:

Now... Watch her start texting me again in three or four days once I stop giving her the time of day. Lol
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If someone plays games to the extent that she seems to then they're not worth your time in the first place. Consider it a bullet dodged!
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
I'm making money, I'm actually doing something I can be somewhat proud of, and - quite frankly - I'm bored, so I decided to give online dating a shot while I'm here training in Arizona. About two and half weeks ago, I met a girl I actually liked a great deal.

We went out, and things went AMAZINGLY well. She was cute, vivacious, and smart, and I had her rolling laughing pretty much the whole time. We started with dinner, moved on to a party with her friends, and finished off the night sharing a plate of french fries at a local dive bar. She comes from an Army family, so she seemed fairly impressed with my professional prospects (she actually got a bit of a twinkle in her eye while I was talking about my future plans). Hell! We even got into politics and religion a little bit, and she seemed to be into it - though she, admittedly, swings more Left than Right.

I "stumbled on the five yard line" a bit with an abortive attempt at a kiss at the end of the night, but she didn't seem to mind. We're still texting fairly regularly, for extended periods of time, and on a reciprocal basis. She texts me at least as much as I text her.

Here's the thing though... She seems really squirrely about actually hanging out again.

She's actually gone so far as to make plans, or suggest going out to a certain location, only to make up excuses to get out of it again before we go. She'll say she's "too tired," or "looks ugly," or etca, etca. We actually had a date to watch a football game together this Thursday (her idea, believe it or not), and she got kind of passive aggressive and made me reschedule because I work late that day, and wouldn't be able to get there until around half-time. Now, she's talking about doing Saturday instead.

I mean... Is it just me, or is this kind of weird?

It's like I've got to be the romantic/spontaneous one here, and she's the fuddy-duddy. That's more than a bit odd for me to say the least. :lol:

Do you think she's playing games? That she's just kind of an overly rigid perfectionist? That she's holding back because I'm only here temporarily, or what?

Is it even worth the effort to pursue if she's this much of a pain?

I hate to say it, but I assume there's probably a reason why a girl this outwardly desirable is still single in her late twenties, after all.

(And, no, Goddamnit. This isn't a 'cry for help' either. I just thought the dilemma would make for a somewhat interesting conversation. :roll:)
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OMG you're making too much out of the whole thing. Go out and hang out and see what happens. To me, she sounds like she wants all or nothing- such may mean a bit on the crazy side. I.e., saying its too bad if you have to work till half time, not good enough. But, you can't possibly know after one date. Ask again after ten and let's see what kind of psycho she is. For now, just relax and get to know each other!
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

chromium said:
Well this is why i'm glad i don't have to put up with girls

Not that it matters in this case but for future reference, you should force a girl to prove her commitment to you about a week earlier. Proposing then canceling dates clearly doesn't count. Yes, some people are truly that wrapped up in career, but 9/10 they're full of ****
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To be fair, I was doing Vegas that first weekend, and we were texting pretty regularly, so I wasn't terribly concerned with it.


However, yeah. You're right. Definitely some "red flags" here I'm going to want to keep an eye out for in the future.

Nilly said:
If someone plays games to the extent that she seems to then they're not worth your time in the first place. Consider it a bullet dodged!
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Yup!

What really gets me is that she was trying to invite me out to dinner tonight, in spite of - apparently - feeling that way.

What'd she want? Free food? Lol







Sent from my LGLS992 using Tapatalk
 
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Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Alright. I finally prodded her enough that she gave me the "lets be friends" speech. I told her "that's all you've got to say," and thanked her for her time.

Jesus.

We'll go ahead and file that one under "things you could just friggin' tell a guy instead of wasting his time for two and a half weeks." :roll:

Now... Watch her start texting me again in three or four days once I stop giving her the time of day. Lol
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Yeeuup. Someone who doesn't know how to say "Not romantically interested" unless someone is just absolutely horrible. So instead of learning adult conversation skills, she just waffles around for a while until she just can't anymore.

This is a somewhat complicated phenomenon, and unfortunately there is no way for you to know if that's happening before date 1 is over. A lot of women are very nice even if they're not interested, due to various protective mechanisms they tend to have when meeting strangers. It's hard to blame them, and I know that whole struggle, but it's something we should endeavour to grow up from and communicate, at least at the end of the date.

But honestly... most people are decent. And I think the "don't know how to say I'm not romantically interested" thing is probably the biggest reason this happens. Not because she's a gold digger, or married, or anything malicious like that. Just... humans are weird.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Alright. I finally prodded her enough that she gave me the "lets be friends" speech. I told her "that's all you've got to say," and thanked her for her time.

Jesus.

We'll go ahead and file that one under "things you could just friggin' tell a guy instead of wasting his time for two and a half weeks." :roll:

Now... Watch her start texting me again in three or four days once I stop giving her the time of day. Lol
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Now you got that out of the way, you can try some cougars- you can actually learn a lot about low key relationships and good sex when youre with them. I had a stint with a cougar once when I was still wet behind the ears and she taught me a lot. :mrgreen:
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Not if her Facebook is any indication...

She seems to be very work oriented, however. I will say that much.
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Feminine perspective on this OP.

It could any scenario with a female. She could be really into you and just working a lot or not looking her best. She could also be going through a break up or dating online and trying to figure things out.

My feeling though is … if a man acts distant or cancels or does not respond as much he is not interested and that is more black and white.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Its mostly a question of if your love for her is strong enough to last, or if you're too impulsive or indulgent to wait and go with her pace if she wants to take it slow.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

RetiredNSmilin said:
I have internet dated since 2001.

You my friend have ran into an " Internet Queen ".

An attractive woman who enjoys dating, and the ego trip that goes along with it.

Look at how long she has been on-line "looking for Mr. Right "?

Reasonable attractive women get hooked on the internet ego trip and love having men buy them dinner every night of the week. I have met them, I know.

That is why I learned early on, that the first meeting is just that....a meeting. THEN you see if you want to go out on a date or not. I got tired of buying all the single women in my local dinner, just to have them blow me off no matter how well the date went. Sound familiar?

That is when I learned to identify and avoid INTERNET QUEENS. There are only a few important points to look for.

These new skills allowed me to meet and get to know my new wife.

PS...A buddy of mine was on-line in Phoenix and he got really tired of all of the internet queens in the area too. When he expanded his search he met a very nice lady in Rapid City, SD and has been with her three years now.

I even wrote a funny song about Internet Queens called " Dinner With Jack ".

"..she's an internet queen and ruling her roost,
her egos so big, it don't need a boost.
Taking from men all she get
When the last time she cooked dinner is anyone's bet."

I can let you know the warning signs if you would like.
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I have not online dated yet I have heard many women talk about how fun it is to meet with a guy and see his eyes light up and buy them dinner and get their ego stroked. I think it is wrong. Although there are genuine people there are probably a lot of internet queens as well.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Dion said:
I have not online dated yet I have heard many women talk about how fun it is to meet with a guy and see his eyes light up and buy them dinner and get their ego stroked. I think it is wrong. Although there are genuine people there are probably a lot of internet queens as well.
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I met my wonderful wife on the internet about three years ago. We have been married now almost two years.

Yes, there are all kinds of people dating on the internet. You just have to know how to weed out the bad ones.

Fortunately, it is pretty easy. Their first few messages to you will let you know a lot about them. Just listen to what they say and see if it makes logical sense.

With me, a big "tell" was if the lady was very above average pretty, and had been on-line looking for more than six months. That told me she was not serious about meeting anyone, and just in it for the games.

That is also why my first meeting was a meet & greet rather than a date.

Another thing I learned about men in the rural Midwest, was how many of them were looking for a woman to support them 100%. I had not ran into that before. A large number of women in Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and South Dakota told me that story many times about men they met.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Dion said:
I have not online dated yet I have heard many women talk about how fun it is to meet with a guy and see his eyes light up and buy them dinner and get their ego stroked. I think it is wrong. Although there are genuine people there are probably a lot of internet queens as well.
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What you said here is also in the lyrics of the song I wrote, "Dinner with Jack", because it happens so often.

Arriving a little late, as most women do.
She saunters up to the table and watches Jack turn into goo.
She has got him where she wants him, now make polite conversation.
Jack has no idea of the depths of her manipulation.
She selects from the menu looking at prices instead.
Knowing she will never take this poor sap to bed.

It happens all the time....
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

On a personal note, Dion, if you ever decide to date over the internet, I avail my experience to you as a stranger and as someone who knows what to watch out for.

Just PM me if you would like any assistance.

I have seen the games played by both sides.

On a bet with two of my female friends, I became "Denise" in Rapid City, SD. It was fun listening to the messages some guys would sent my two friends, and then what they would tell Denise. So, yes, I have seen both sides of the coin.

happy to assist if you would like.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

RetiredNSmilin said:
I met my wonderful wife on the internet about three years ago. We have been married now almost two years.

Yes, there are all kinds of people dating on the internet. You just have to know how to weed out the bad ones.

Fortunately, it is pretty easy. Their first few messages to you will let you know a lot about them. Just listen to what they say and see if it makes logical sense.

With me, a big "tell" was if the lady was very above average pretty, and had been on-line looking for more than six months. That told me she was not serious about meeting anyone, and just in it for the games.

That is also why my first meeting was a meet & greet rather than a date.

Another thing I learned about men in the rural Midwest, was how many of them were looking for a woman to support them 100%. I had not ran into that before. A large number of women in Nebraska, Iowa, Kansas, and South Dakota told me that story many times about men they met.
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Eh, I think the meet-n-greet, or low-commitment first date is good. But I'd say don't judge too hard on the amount of time they've been on the site.

I expected to be on there WAY longer than 6 months, when I put up my profile. Why? Not because I was playing people. It was because I know very well that I'm a niche personality.

I went on OKC, which is absolutely massive, and I live in a massive city with tons of people on the site, and OKC is also the site people in my general pool tend to flock to, so I gave myself good odds. But just the act of filling out my profile and setting a couple basic filters took me all the way down to less than 50 potential matches (a person with a higher than 65% match profile, so that's a pretty broad number and I still didn't have many). Most people would probably have a hundred or more in a place like London.

I also don't tend to jam dates together, so it might well be weeks between going on a date with one guy, possibly deciding I wasn't interested, and then deciding to log back on, talk to other people, and then decide to go on a date with someone else. I didn't tend to spend too long chatting, never more than a week or two and usually less unless for some reason schedules meant we had to set it up a bit later, but I just wasn't in a big rush to be constantly sifting through the site and going on dates every other day.

So yeah, that easily could have gone on a long time, and I was perfectly prepared for that to be the case. I just happened to get insanely lucky on date #4. With a man who had been there way longer than 6 months, because I imagine his match list was just as short as mine. ;)

Even with someone who's less niche, maybe they're just not dating a lot. Maybe they log on, talk to someone, go on a date, it doesn't work out, and then don't log on again for another month. Just because someone's on a dating site doesn't mean they're pushing really hard, necessarily, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean they're not seeking a relationship either. Maybe they just have a fairly engaging life and they don't feel a pressure to be constantly dating, even if they do want a relationship.

But that said, I didn't do expensive dinner dates either. Meeting up for a coffee or a drink was my MO and I preferred to get my own. Low pressure, easy to just call it a day without anything lost if you really don't hit it off at all.
 
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Re: So, Here's One For Ya

SmokeAndMirrors said:
Eh, I think the meet-n-greet, or low-commitment first date is good. But I'd say don't judge too hard on the amount of time they've been on the site.

I expected to be on there WAY longer than 6 months, when I put up my profile. Why? Not because I was playing people. It was because I know very well that I'm a niche personality.

I went on OKC, which is absolutely massive, and I live in a massive city with tons of people on the site, and OKC is also the site people in my general pool tend to flock to, so I gave myself good odds. But just the act of filling out my profile and setting a couple basic filters took me all the way down to less than 50 potential matches (a person with a higher than 65% match profile, so that's a pretty broad number and I still didn't have many). Most people would probably have a hundred or more in a place like London.

I also don't tend to jam dates together, so it might well be weeks between going on a date with one guy, possibly deciding I wasn't interested, and then deciding to log back on, talk to other people, and then decide to go on a date with someone else. I didn't tend to spend too long chatting, never more than a week or two and usually less unless for some reason schedules meant we had to set it up a bit later, but I just wasn't in a big rush to be constantly sifting through the site and going on dates every other day.

So yeah, that easily could have gone on a long time, and I was perfectly prepared for that to be the case. I just happened to get insanely lucky on date #4. With a man who had been there way longer than 6 months, because I imagine his match list was just as short as mine. ;)

Even with someone who's less niche, maybe they're just not dating a lot. Maybe they log on, talk to someone, go on a date, it doesn't work out, and then don't log on again for another month. Just because someone's on a dating site doesn't mean they're pushing really hard, necessarily, and there's nothing wrong with that. It doesn't mean they're not seeking a relationship either. Maybe they just have a fairly engaging life and they don't feel a pressure to be constantly dating, even if they do want a relationship.

But that said, I didn't do expensive dinner dates either. Meeting up for a coffee or a drink was my MO and I preferred to get my own. Low pressure, easy to just call it a day without anything lost if you really don't hit it off at all.
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It sounds like you have a wonderful tactic that brought you good results.

Awesome!
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
I'm making money, I'm actually doing something I can be somewhat proud of, and - quite frankly - I'm bored, so I decided to give online dating a shot while I'm here training in Arizona. About two and half weeks ago, I met a girl I actually liked a great deal.

We went out, and things went AMAZINGLY well. She was cute, vivacious, and smart, and I had her rolling laughing pretty much the whole time. We started with dinner, moved on to a party with her friends, and finished off the night sharing a plate of french fries at a local dive bar. She comes from an Army family, so she seemed fairly impressed with my professional prospects (she actually got a bit of a twinkle in her eye while I was talking about my future plans). Hell! We even got into politics and religion a little bit, and she seemed to be into it - though she, admittedly, swings more Left than Right.

I "stumbled on the five yard line" a bit with an abortive attempt at a kiss at the end of the night, but she didn't seem to mind. We're still texting fairly regularly, for extended periods of time, and on a reciprocal basis. She texts me at least as much as I text her.

Here's the thing though... She seems really squirrely about actually hanging out again.

She's actually gone so far as to make plans, or suggest going out to a certain location, only to make up excuses to get out of it again before we go. She'll say she's "too tired," or "looks ugly," or etca, etca. We actually had a date to watch a football game together this Thursday (her idea, believe it or not), and she got kind of passive aggressive and made me reschedule because I work late that day, and wouldn't be able to get there until around half-time. Now, she's talking about doing Saturday instead.

I mean... Is it just me, or is this kind of weird?

It's like I've got to be the romantic/spontaneous one here, and she's the fuddy-duddy. That's more than a bit odd for me to say the least. :lol:

Do you think she's playing games? That she's just kind of an overly rigid perfectionist? That she's holding back because I'm only here temporarily, or what?

Is it even worth the effort to pursue if she's this much of a pain?

I hate to say it, but I assume there's probably a reason why a girl this outwardly desirable is still single in her late twenties, after all.

(And, no, Goddamnit. This isn't a 'cry for help' either. I just thought the dilemma would make for a somewhat interesting conversation. :roll:)
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She made you reschedule the football game? Do you have that power?
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Alright. I finally prodded her enough that she gave me the "lets be friends" speech. I told her "that's all you've got to say," and thanked her for her time.

Jesus.

We'll go ahead and file that one under "things you could just friggin' tell a guy instead of wasting his time for two and a half weeks." :roll:

Now... Watch her start texting me again in three or four days once I stop giving her the time of day. Lol
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It's just you. It's that simple.

If you act with her the way you act here, which you probably do, it's you.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

SMTA said:
It's just you. It's that simple.

If you act with her the way you act here, which you probably do, it's you.
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Did you seriously just necro a two and a half month old thread just to make a lame, bandwagon-jumping, personal attack? You realize just how pathetic that comes off as being, right?

Are you just looking for attention, or what?
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gathomas88 said:
Did you seriously just necro a two and a half month old thread just to make a lame, bandwagon-jumping, personal attack? You realize just how pathetic that comes off as being, right?

Are you just looking for attention, or what?
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Just stating fact.
 
Re: So, Here's One For Ya

Gath -- rule of thumb --- if a woman is hemming and hawing about going out again, calling you, etc. she's just not that into you. Don't try to figure out why she's holding back - don't try to make excuses for it, don't keep hanging on just in case. Just move on to someone else who is into you. If she really liked you, there would be no hesitations -- quite the opposite.
 
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