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This question is for the hetero men on the forum ...

It was cool to hear what guys will answer in a fairly anonymous forum.

I agree on qualities --- I never really ranked - yet I have a friend who does and has joined a dating site and she is focused on such so it caught my interest.

Oh and the reason I even included weight … my friend is really beautiful and she and I are the same height. Men seem not to see her.

we are both 5'4".

I am 108 lbs and she is about 145 or maybe more. She is really nicely distributed and she is curvy. Yet men seemed to walk right past her and I though tit might be the weight.

I am not looking for a bf yet she is and I think the wt might be it yet I would ever say this to her.

Unfortunately for women, the weight issue compounds in that it lowers self confidence which can have effects on positivity, posture, exercise, and body language.

I don't think women should worry about the number. Some people have more muscle, others have more bone.
 
For a woman to appeal to me she has to not be overly fat or thin, she needs to dress like a woman, she needs to be fun, she needs to smell good, she needs to be smart, she needs to be either cute or pretty or beautiful, she needs to be willing to challenge me......everything else is negotiable. Quirky and slutty are big pluses.
 
Using your list with subtractions:
Trustworthy #1

Beauty/Physical attractiveness #2

Intellect#4

Skill sets - specifics?, balance home finance,and clean (Generally not know until Married).

Sensual Feminine #3

Can not really number them they are all important.
 
It was cool to hear what guys will answer in a fairly anonymous forum.

I agree on qualities --- I never really ranked - yet I have a friend who does and has joined a dating site and she is focused on such so it caught my interest.

Oh and the reason I even included weight … my friend is really beautiful and she and I are the same height. Men seem not to see her.

we are both 5'4".

I am 108 lbs and she is about 145 or maybe more. She is really nicely distributed and she is curvy. Yet men seemed to walk right past her and I though tit might be the weight.

I am not looking for a bf yet she is and I think the wt might be it yet I would ever say this to her.

I can not see where 5'4" & 145lbs would be a major problem, another 25+# and yeah probably so, depending upon age.

One thing I noticed going the other way is women, even diminutive ones, will not look twice at short guys and god help you if one is 5'4" or shorter (have a younger cousin who's in this situation).

Edit to add:

Would your friend consider dating a guy 5'4" or under? Just curious.
 
Not real sure why women get hung up on weight. It is very subjective standard, there are women that look very good big,amd other that look good skinny. And the opposite is true ae well some women do not look good skinny,and others do not look good big. I think if you are stisfied with your weight and figure leave it be. It is no where near the big deal that many women believe.
 
Not real sure why women get hung up on weight. It is very subjective standard, there are women that look very good big,amd other that look good skinny. And the opposite is true ae well some women do not look good skinny,and others do not look good big. I think if you are stisfied with your weight and figure leave it be. It is no where near the big deal that many women believe.

And there are a surprising number of men out there who actually prefer women on the larger side as well.

I can't say that I'm one of them, per se. However, I know they're out there. The mutual expressions of disbelief I tend to share with such men when we express our thoughts on women have made for some rather comical experiences to say the least. lol
 
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And there are a surprising number of men out there who actually prefer women on the larger side as well.

I can't say that I'm one of them, per se. However, I know they're out there. The mutual expressions of disbelief I tend to share with such men when we express our thoughts on women have made for some rather comical experiences to say the least. lol

For sure better that then too skinny for me, I have no desire to sleep with a bunch of bones. But I do know that there are guys out there who prefer the sickly looking anorexics above all others, it is even a porn fetish.
 
Which order would you put these qualities as desirable and important when dating for the purpose of a possible relationship.

Trustworthy
Capable at life in general
Friendly and with generally happy/positive outlook on life
Beauty/Physical attractiveness
Weight - maintains weight within 10 lbs of ideal
Intellect
Skill sets - specifics?
years difference from your own age that you would you go higher or lower if all the qualities of above were near perfect?
Vivacious
Sensual
Feminine

Add or subtract or comments.

I had lunch with male colleagues and a few had used dating sites and their biggest issue was weight? (that surprised me)

That's pretty complicated. I don't know the exact order of importance, and for that matter it probably changes from time to time. But attractive and sexy, intelligent and interesting, and considerate and good-hearted are all very important. I think of being capable as part of being savvy and intelligent, vivacious as part of being interesting, sensual and feminine as part of attractive and sexy, and friendly and positive as part of considerate and good-hearted.

My ideal woman is someone I can have intelligent conversations with about all sorts of things, who likes to laugh and have fun, who can cope with demanding situations, and who is reasonable, considerate, and generally has a fine character. And when we're together, we both find we can't keep our hands off each other and are both thinking of very naughty, playful things to do together. I believe there is a lot of overlap between what makes a good same-sex friendship and what makes a good romantic relationship. It's sort of like being great friends who usually laugh and enjoy the time they spend together, occasionally get upset with each other, and know they can count on each other during difficult times, only with a strong sexual attraction added to the mix.
 
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a nice shapely hiney...anything less is a friend.

so in a way, it would be a weight issue. It is also the one thing most women lie about in their profiles.
One can determine if she has a nice ass even if she is sitting down. Her shoulders and neck will tell you.

and before you ladies all get in an uproar...the whole (2001 - 2014) time I was internet dating pretty much ALL the women told me the one thing that will shoot a guy down on sight is being short. Short men for the most part are doomed. ALL the women I dated preferred the man to be taller than her.

They told me it was also the one thing most men lie about in their profiles.

I think it is dumb on both their parts to lie about these obvious physical traits. You will know they are lying as soon as you lay eyes on them. Yet they do it over and over again.

ALSO...YES, I know the beauty inside is what counts. However, it is the attraction OUTSIDE that first gets their attention, and it is ALSO a person's outward appearance that tells you a lot about their inward self.

When I go to meet a lady for the first time that I contacted via the internet, I always....

a) wear nice clothes appropriate for the date.
Jeans to a rodeo, slacks to an upper scale dinner.
Dude, what does it say when you do not feel she is worthy of putting on a clean shirt!

b) expect to pick up the check. If she insists otherwise, do not argue.

c) reacquaint myself with our previous conversations.
ie...it is the kiss of death to forget she has two kids, was divorced twice, and works in her field.

I had the advantage of only wanting to date women in their 40's or older. They do not play the games the younger women do, and are much more honest about their feelings.

Usually, they were married once or twice before, and now they also know what kind of man they DO NOT want.

If I played my cards right, going home with them on the first date was the rule rather than the exception.

Why?

Several women told me they wanted to know right off if the guy was any good in bed before they wasted two or three weeks dating only to be disappointed by some guy "pushing rope". I thought that logic was sound.

Mature women are a delight to date and be around.
 
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a nice shapely hiney...anything less is a friend.

so in a way, it would be a weight issue. It is also the one thing most women lie about in their profiles.
One can determine if she has a nice ass even if she is sitting down. Her shoulders and neck will tell you.

and before you ladies all get in an uproar...the whole (2001 - 2014) time I was internet dating pretty much ALL the women told me the one thing that will shoot a guy down on sight is being short. Short men for the most part are doomed. ALL the women I dated preferred the man to be taller than her.

They told me it was also the one thing most men lie about in their profiles.

I think it is dumb on both their parts to lie about these obvious physical traits. You will know they are lying as soon as you lay eyes on them. Yet they do it over and over again.

ALSO...YES, I know the beauty inside is what counts. However, it is the attraction OUTSIDE that first gets their attention, and it is ALSO a person's outward appearance that tells you a lot about their inward self.

When I go to meet a lady for the first time that I contacted via the internet, I always....

a) wear nice clothes appropriate for the date.
Jeans to a rodeo, slacks to an upper scale dinner.
Dude, what does it say when you do not feel she is worthy of putting on a clean shirt!

b) expect to pick up the check. If she insists otherwise, do not argue.

c) reacquaint myself with our previous conversations.
ie...it is the kiss of death to forget she has two kids, was divorced twice, and works in her field.

Ah So, we have ourselves a butt man connoisseur in our midsts.

:respekt:
 
Which order would you put these qualities as desirable and important when dating for the purpose of a possible relationship.

Trustworthy
Capable at life in general
Friendly and with generally happy/positive outlook on life
Beauty/Physical attractiveness
Weight - maintains weight within 10 lbs of ideal
Intellect
Skill sets - specifics?
years difference from your own age that you would you go higher or lower if all the qualities of above were near perfect?
Vivacious
Sensual
Feminine

Add or subtract or comments.

I had lunch with male colleagues and a few had used dating sites and their biggest issue was weight? (that surprised me)

With as much respect I can muster, I have to tell you, lists like these will not work.

I have met women and men that are complete failures in the dating and relationship arena, and they all had some silly "list".

Even if they meet 99 checks out of 100, they will discard the person for not making all 100 items on the list.

What DOES WORK is as you learn about the person, can you live with their faults and their good traits.

Even doing that is tricky. The one thing they did early on that you thought was cute and funny, NOW really irritates the crap out of you.

Dating and relationships is a very fun and sometimes heartbreaking activity, but remember what Glen Contrarian described.....you only need to find one to be a lifetime winner.

and toss out the checklist.
 
While weight is indeed a factor, compatibility is far more important. My wife and I have been married for 24 years, and we still get accused of being newlyweds. Why? Because we are so compatible. We both believe in true love, and we both want true love - I know, sounds corny, but true love is real. I know because that's what we have! We really did get that brass ring on the merry-go-round of life!

It helps that we are of about the same age, and that we both know the value of humility, that we're both of the same religion, that we both hold the other's happiness as a real priority (read "The Gift of the Magi" sometime"). And what I learned along the way is that (1) the man must never stop courting the woman, and (2) the woman must never allow the man to stop courting her!

I know all that sounds corny, but again, we've got that brass ring - we've got the best marriage of anyone we know. And I truly do believe that I'm the luckiest man on the face of the planet.

One last thing - don't settle! Do NOT settle for just some guy, hoping he'll get better as time goes on. Another thing I learned is that while women always change, men never do. If he's got a lot of faults now, he's still going to have those faults twenty years from now. Look for someone who makes you laugh, someone who puts you on a pedestal, someone who really wants to hear what you have to say. Whatever you do, don't get involved with a hardheaded man, and especially one who is violent, or is prone to bragging how tough he is. Try to be friends first - because that's what we did. We were friends for over a year, with no thought of romance (I was married to someone else at the time)...so that you can know that you can both love him AND like him. That's also very important.

And one more thing - as a very, very happily married man, I've found out that the very best thing I can wish for others is that they are just as happy as we are. I do wish you the very best. And don't settle!

So true...

Just tonight, my wife and I sat in the man cave, turned off all the lights in the house, lit the candles in the man cave, and just sat in the dim light holding hands, for about three hours and talked. It was quite intimate, romantic and soothing.
 
With as much respect I can muster, I have to tell you, lists like these will not work.

I have met women and men that are complete failures in the dating and relationship arena, and they all had some silly "list".

Even if they meet 99 checks out of 100, they will discard the person for not making all 100 items on the list.

What DOES WORK is as you learn about the person, can you live with their faults and their good traits.

Even doing that is tricky. The one thing they did early on that you thought was cute and funny, NOW really irritates the crap out of you.

Dating and relationships is a very fun and sometimes heartbreaking activity, but remember what Glen Contrarian described.....you only need to find one to be a lifetime winner.

and toss out the checklist.

Exactly, it is more an exercise in looking for clues, and knowing where to look for clues, that "this guy/broad gets it".

Which can easily be 15 seconds of the three hour date.

Usually more like three 15 second blocks.

We hope.
 
Married but for purposes of fun and self-reflection I want to post anyway.

Intellect (most specifically for the sake of banter and humor)
Kindness (I guess friendly could be a related concept; positive outlook is a plus to mitigate well, me)
Trustworthiness

To me, those are the big three pillars of attractiveness in terms of a longterm relationship.

One huge one you're missing is: similar interests or hobbies / having fun in each other's company.

Beyond that... it gets more nebulous.

Sensual - it is important that a couple be attuned to one another in this regard, though what that means is likely gonna be greatly different. I suppose just being able to intuit and communicate and become attuned in the first place is part of it.

Everyone does have a minimum threshold for physical attractiveness, and I suppose the higher you rank that the larger your threshold is. Anything above that threshold, well people aren't gonna complain about having a pretty girlfriend but if they rank the other traits higher it means those traits elevate their attractiveness. Weight is kind of a related concept to me; at some point everyone has weight thresholds below or above which physical attractiveness would be impacted, and the higher you rank this the narrower those thresholds are.

It's hard for me to rank these. I would say that if those first few criteria are met well then the purely physical criteria are almost incidental.

Age is probably a range that widens as one gets older; now that I am in my 30s I could see myself being offput by someone being more than 10 plus or minus (teenager or 50s).

Capable at life in general... Not super important? It'd certainly be nice if they have a career path and are competent at it, makes things a bit easier; for this one it's probably a matter of a man's goals, desired standard of living and current finances... i.e. whether they feel they make enough to potentially support this other person as a spouse if they didn't work.

Vivacious - it's nice to have someone be cheerful and energetic to offset my lack of such, but cynical snark and dry humor also work for me. Since I like this and it's absolute opposite, I can't say this is any kind of priority.

Feminine - She doesn't have to be a stereotype, but I guess I do tend to like women with longer hair who favor (or at least don't loathe) skirt / dresses. Seems more like another "minimum threshold" type deal.
 
Ah So, we have ourselves a butt man connoisseur in our midsts.

:respekt:

I prefer the PC term..." derriere analyst ". ;)

Been a derriere analyst since the third grade when Donna E. leaned over to get her spelling book out of her desk and I got a good look at her white flowers panties with a half dollar hole in them that showed skin.

Showing hiney skin to a third grader will pretty much etch the poor kid's soul with that pleasant memory.

Don't get me going about the time I saw the movie "Pearls From Heaven" with an off-screen spanking scene in it about that same time.

That pretty much made me a lifetime convert.
 
I prefer the PC term..." derriere analyst ". ;)

Been a derriere analyst since the third grade when Donna E. leaned over to get her spelling book out of her desk and I got a good look at her white flowers panties with a half dollar hole in them that showed skin.

Showing hiney skin to a third grader will pretty much etch the poor kid's soul with that pleasant memory.

Don't get me going about the time I saw the movie "Pearls From Heaven" with an off-screen spanking scene in it about that same time.

That pretty much made me a lifetime convert.

Dont get too full of yourself, a few years back I listened to a science guy claim that we butt men....oh so sorry...derriere analysts, are statistically the clods of the herd.

We are primal.

Ape men.

:monkey
 
Dont get too full of yourself, a few years back I listened to a science guy claim that we butt men....oh so sorry...derriere analysts, are statistically the clods of the herd.

We are primal.

Ape men.

:monkey

Yet, let's see if that same egghead turns his head and looks if a cute coed drops her hot beaker in his science class, then bends over to pick it up in her short sun dress.

Any straight man is a hypocrite and a liar that says he would NOT look in that situation.

A cute shapely female hiney is a wonderment of nature to be respected, enjoyed, revered....and lightly smacked with an open hand.

We are getting off topic. We better stop before WE get smacked with an open hand.
 
Weight probably has something to do with it but for sure men dont see her as sexually appealing. You hear older women talking a lot about "the age at which I became invisible" and by this they dont mean just to men, and it happens over a few short years. Chunky girls can compensate to some degree with dressing and personality, if they are downright fat then not really. Though there are a fair number of guys who look for fat, them I have never figured out.

The middle age weight gain thing is what I call, dum, dum, duuuuum - The Thickening. Life takes it's toll in various ways. Some gain weight and some experience other, less than happy physical consequences of aging. If you live long enough, you will experience some of them.
 
Yet, let's see if that same egghead turns his head and looks if a cute coed drops her hot beaker in his science class, then bends over to pick it up in her short sun dress.

Any straight man is a hypocrite and a liar that says he would NOT look in that situation.

A cute shapely female hiney is a wonderment of nature to be respected, enjoyed, revered....and lightly smacked with an open hand.

We are getting off topic. We better stop before WE get smacked with an open hand.

You remind me of a dandy guy... In space.

1451888262920.jpg


😄
 
I actually tried to date a girl a bit on the heavier side recently. It just wasn't working. She wasn't terrible, per se. She weighed around 160 on a stockier, 5'8" frame, was cute in the face, had a nice personality, and "cleaned up" decently enough when she wanted to. I could also get where I needed to in the heat of the moment.

However, the long and short of the thing was that she needed to lose weight, both for her appearance, and for her general health (she basically had kind of a wonky thyroid to begin with, and was aggravating it through unhealthy living, which made it very difficult for her to exercise). She would've easily been a 9 or 10 at 140 lbs. Looking over her older photos on Social Media, that's exactly what she used to be. As I knew her, however, she'd "let herself go." That left her a high 6/low 7 at best, and one that just wasn't my type at that.

Try though I might... I just couldn't shake that. I'd be hanging out with her, and I'd just have the thought hanging in the back of my head "Can I do better than this?" The inevitable answer to which being "Yeah... Probably." If a fitter girl happened to walk in the bar, my eyes would also usually wind up gravitating in her direction as well, regardless of whether I wanted them to or not.

Put simply, I just "wasn't that into her." My natural preference is towards "thin" women. :shrug:

For sure better that then too skinny for me, I have no desire to sleep with a bunch of bones. But I do know that there are guys out there who prefer the sickly looking anorexics above all others, it is even a porn fetish.

The hard and fast rule for me is that she's got to have hips, and at least a few curves, without being heavily overweight. Some degree of muscle tone is also preferred.

I don't go for "anorexic," or the "10 year old boy" build. That's just too far, IMO.
 
Wow, 20 pounds made all the difference even though she "cleaned up well." Not a word about whether she was nice or funny or smart or charming. Sad.
 
Wow, 20 pounds made all the difference even though she "cleaned up well." Not a word about whether she was nice or funny or smart or charming. Sad.

Ahem...

...had a nice personality...

Why do you think I was giving her the time of day to begin with? To put it simply, she was "close enough" that I was able to rationalize hanging around, even though I could tell in my gut that it just wasn't going to work.

She was 160 going on 170, and only trending up, because she wasn't changing her habits. Sure, she could "clean up." However, if you're only really into someone when they're buried under make-up, and clothing specifically designed to hide what their body actually looks like, that's kind of a problem. Don't you think?

Best to just move on. There are guys out there who actually like body types like that. I'm just not one of them. :shrug:
 
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Wow, 20 pounds made all the difference even though she "cleaned up well." Not a word about whether she was nice or funny or smart or charming. Sad.

When you are looking at a probable future 250 pounder who cares........
 
Eh. Weight matters when it affects their health or happiness.

I may be odd in this regard. Anyone who says looks don't matter at all is lying but they mean, relatively speaking, very little to me.

I have however, especially when younger, previously believed good looking girls / women were much smarter, nicer, trustworthy, fun, and interesting etc. than they actually were. :mrgreen:
 
Eh. Weight matters when it affects their health or happiness.

I may be odd in this regard. Anyone who says looks don't matter at all is lying but they mean, relatively speaking, very little to me.

I have however, especially when younger, previously believed good looking girls / women were much smarter, nicer, trustworthy, fun, and interesting etc. than they actually were. :mrgreen:

I once believed that the chunky girls would be grateful for the opportunity, but these days they tend to be as ****ed in the head as are the really good looking ones.

I am talking about the younger ones, which I know from employing them and talking to the younger guys about them.

In the upper mid range section is the place to spend ones time.
 
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