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Here’s how many years a relationship expert says to wait before tying the knot

RDS

RDS

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It's very simple. Don't marry someone till after you've lived with them for a bit...say, a year, at least.


Knowing someone is not really knowing someone.


LIVING with someone is truly knowing someone.
 
I'd also say don't marry someone until you've had legitimate fights. You need to know how someone handles conflict and go through conflict resolution with them. I know far far far too many people who got married quick with everything about their relationship being infatuation and fun times and then having it become a disaster after they've experienced conflict.
 
I am strongly in favor of living together first. And preferably long enough for the new relationship chemistry to wear off. If you can still put up with their crap after the infatuation is over, you are probably going to make it.
 
KevinKohler said:
It's very simple. Don't marry someone till after you've lived with them for a bit...say, a year, at least.


Knowing someone is not really knowing someone.


LIVING with someone is truly knowing someone.
Click to expand...
The daily chores, for example, could cause real troubles
 
I'd also caution/warn anyone younger than 25 years old to NOT get married.

Anyone who has NOT lived outside of their parents house should NOT get married.
College dorm/college apartment does not count.
I mean, people should live a few years being 100% completely independent of their parents.
Full time job and all the bills, taxes, and insurance.
Experience that before getting married.

Make sure all talks about kids, number of kids, religion, schooling, and basic life plans are all discussed frequently and openly.

Living through something stressful and draining is a major help.
How people cope with stress, fear, anger, sadness, and fatigue are huge.
 
digsbe said:
I'd also say don't marry someone until you've had legitimate fights. You need to know how someone handles conflict and go through conflict resolution with them. I know far far far too many people who got married quick with everything about their relationship being infatuation and fun times and then having it become a disaster after they've experienced conflict.
Click to expand...

I have to agree with this one. Fights, while people want to avoid them, actually can have a function of honing and sharpening a sense of love between two individuals. Fights can be destructive, but they can also be creative as conflict resolution becomes an important skill and also the knowledge that you will both be there even if you have a bad day here and there is very important for the sense of a long term commitment.

The best fights I have ever had are when she and I go at it and just verbally wail on each other (without going too far) and then a couple of days later, we agree to roll up our sleeves and fix whatever the issue was in the first place. Once that issue is fixed, a piece of life is claimed by the relationship and further closeness happens.

Its also fun to watch people who have been happily married a long time fight. They both know that its temporary and they tend to have developed templates or routines around it. One will say something, the other will know exactly what the first one is going to say and what to say to calm them down. Its both funny and endearing to watch.
 
tacomancer said:
I have to agree with this one. Fights, while people want to avoid them, actually can have a function of honing and sharpening a sense of love between two individuals. Fights can be destructive, but they can also be creative as conflict resolution becomes an important skill and also the knowledge that you will both be there even if you have a bad day here and there is very important for the sense of a long term commitment.

The best fights I have ever had are when she and I go at it and just verbally wail on each other (without going too far) and then a couple of days later, we agree to roll up our sleeves and fix whatever the issue was in the first place. Once that issue is fixed, a piece of life is claimed by the relationship and further closeness happens.

Its also fun to watch people who have been happily married a long time fight. They both know that its temporary and they tend to have developed templates or routines around it. One will say something, the other will know exactly what the first one is going to say and what to say to calm them down. Its both funny and endearing to watch.
Click to expand...
lol. You are right. When my mum is throwing temper tantrum, my dad knows exactly how to calm her down and make her smile again, which is funny.
 
KevinKohler said:
It's very simple. Don't marry someone till after you've lived with them for a bit...say, a year, at least.

Knowing someone is not really knowing someone.

LIVING with someone is truly knowing someone.
Click to expand...
I am a big proponent of living with someone first, but it's not THE answer. There's still something about making the commitment of marriage that changes the feeling of a relationship. When you live with someone, you (generally) still have a relatively "easy out" should things go sour. If married, it's much more complicated.
 
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