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There have been rumors circulating in the stratosphere that the deadly coronavirus has mutated to the dangerous point where it can now be transmitted from cellphone to cellphone, wirelessly, leaving a great number of Americans, and billions of others, at risk and in peril. This is not a simple case of Coronavirus existing for a few hours on the on the outside portion of the screen. This slippery mutation of COVID has now gained full access to our electronic devices. Verizon and T-Mobile have yet to propose a viable wireless "vaccine" to resolve this deadly threat against our homeland, but rest assured, they are diligently working both day and night to come up with steps we can take to mitigate transmission of the lethal virus until a workable solution is tested and confirmed. As far as we can tell, this mutated strain is suspected to have originated from a BOOST (Sprint) Cell Tower and a specific boost IP address was confirmed on patient zero's phone. Boost has accepted some responsibility and will be held accountable for their actions. Patient zero's phone was found to be suffering from a fractured skull (cracked screen was never replaced). With immunity and firewalls down, corona moved in for the kill and escaped to the dark clutches of the web via iTunes before apple could lock it down. Yes, coronavirus has gone digital, my friends. Insidious, to say the least. You should be very concerned.
The CDC last week took baby steps in working toward resolution. The CDC considers any cell phone use as hazardous to your health and have recommended going back to a standard phone connection. They have also banned the use of direct head to phone contact, opting instead to force cell phone users to use a selfie stick with minimum distance of 6 feet between your head and the screen of the phone. Speakerphone use is mandatory. Any user with a phone and direct contact to the face will soon be arrested and charged with attempted murder, according to the FBI.
Going above and beyond, and in total compassion and love, many hospitals and medical professionals recommend a minimum of 10 foot between the cell phone and a human face.
They say using a push button phone in conjunction with a 6 foot selfie stick and facemask is the best way to prevent the spread of the virus at this point. They are also recommending regression of high speed internet connections and have implored the pubic that going back to a 28.8K modem is the safest way to access media online. The digital coronavirus has not yet compromised these core telephone systems.
Alternatively, pen and paper is another fall back option for the ambitious type, and these are the people with the most compassion. Nothing more touching that seeing someone use a push button phone to make phone calls, because he or she is doing their part to prevent the digital spread of the virus. Going further than that, pen and paper and standard USPS mailing methods are highly recommended. As a last resort option, we will be bringing back morse code with local government sponsoring classes on how to use this obsolete communication device.
There is talk afoot that if we cannot find a proper resolution to this digital version of the virus soon, we will have to bring a terminator back from the future to assist with brute force resolution against this deadly enemy. Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 is the last and best hope for humanity.
You can get your 6 foot selfie stick here
The CDC last week took baby steps in working toward resolution. The CDC considers any cell phone use as hazardous to your health and have recommended going back to a standard phone connection. They have also banned the use of direct head to phone contact, opting instead to force cell phone users to use a selfie stick with minimum distance of 6 feet between your head and the screen of the phone. Speakerphone use is mandatory. Any user with a phone and direct contact to the face will soon be arrested and charged with attempted murder, according to the FBI.
Going above and beyond, and in total compassion and love, many hospitals and medical professionals recommend a minimum of 10 foot between the cell phone and a human face.
They say using a push button phone in conjunction with a 6 foot selfie stick and facemask is the best way to prevent the spread of the virus at this point. They are also recommending regression of high speed internet connections and have implored the pubic that going back to a 28.8K modem is the safest way to access media online. The digital coronavirus has not yet compromised these core telephone systems.
Alternatively, pen and paper is another fall back option for the ambitious type, and these are the people with the most compassion. Nothing more touching that seeing someone use a push button phone to make phone calls, because he or she is doing their part to prevent the digital spread of the virus. Going further than that, pen and paper and standard USPS mailing methods are highly recommended. As a last resort option, we will be bringing back morse code with local government sponsoring classes on how to use this obsolete communication device.
There is talk afoot that if we cannot find a proper resolution to this digital version of the virus soon, we will have to bring a terminator back from the future to assist with brute force resolution against this deadly enemy. Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 is the last and best hope for humanity.
You can get your 6 foot selfie stick here
