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This has already been a topic of discussion within military legal sectors. This has been a part of the Pentagon's studies to see how best to impliment open gays into the community. I have stated this before, but people are more interested in boasting their allegiance to gay rights above all else.
Allowing a "dependent," with obvious understanding that significant other is the intention, is the probable course until 50 states (or federal) agree that gays are to be treated as equal in their civilian world as well. I have been trying to state this, but have been met with the gay pride parade who appear to know absolutely everything.
If you have been trying to say anything like this, you have been doing a poor job of it. This might explain why people are not seeing you as saying this. of course, it could just be every one else. Now, here is a neat idea...why not actually document these claims?