Re: New Jersey Judge Blocks Dad From Delivery Room
Your question is:
Yes, both have a right to privacy but the woman does not want to encroach on the man's fundamental rights on privacy. There is no evidence that the woman has any desire or plans to deny the man the right to claim parentage with all the obligations and rights accordingly.
The woman does not want to trump any of his fundamental rights at all, it is completely the other way around. He will become father no matter what, it does not matter if he is floating in space or downtown when the woman delivers this baby, he has gone from someone with little or no rights to someone with a lot of potential rights. There is no trumping rights in this lawsuit. His rights are non-existent as to being inside the delivery room at the moment of birth. There is no legal right and IMHO no moral right in the case of parents who have split up and who are estranged from one another. In an ideal world I would love for him to be able to support the mother of his child while she delivers the baby and see him come into this world. However, this is not an ideal world for those 2 parents. She does not want him for support and does not need him for support. His presence would be purely as spectator and that is just not a good enough reason for him to be there. It is not a legal requirement to allow her to have him be there as a spectator, there is no legal grounds for him to demands that, in my point of view there is also no moral right for him to demand this.
Now if it was a case in which there was a legal basis for his demand to be present at the moment of birth and I, as a make believe lay judge, would have to choose that the rights of the mother and child far outweigh/trump the hypothetical rights of a father to see his child born. The safety and comfort of mother and child during the birthing process deserve greater consideration than the fathers need to be a spectator at the moment of birth. That at least is my opinion.
That's a reasonable position on the issue, as I've already conceded. My issue as a father who witnessed, and in every possible psychological way, even physical (Had some of the same pregnancy patterns as my wife) experienced all of her pregnancies almost exactly the way she did, less the pain at the end. Our last three children were born cesarean, and with my daughters C-section she was in labor for 56 hours before the damn teaching hospital decided it was time to pull her out via surgery. At first they said I could not go in the operating room, even though my wife would be unconscious, I told them that there is no way in hell I would not be there for the birth of my daughter (we did know her sex at the time) but more importantly I told them my wife and my daughter needed an advocate in case important decisions needed to be made about either health and well being. In short, I can be very convincing. They let me in, and my daughter was born into the nicu extremely stressed birth, and although he apgar scores were low at birth, two days later she got normal scores. She had wires coming from everywhere but she was beautiful and our miracle. I would have been forever changed if I was not able to be there for that. I would have blamed myself till death that I was not there for my child in a time of extreme need. Even though everything turned out, I can't help but feel as though my calmness through it all helped the situation for everyone, including some of these attending doctors who were all frazzled. Everyone was frazzled, and it seemed as though I was the only one thinking clearly. her Mom was a mess, Dad was losing his mind, but ole Tim was calm as a cucumber, why? Because I knew I had to be clear headed in case something went horribly wrong. I knew I needed to be rationale at a time when most would be in a panic.
For some here being a Dad might not seem like a big deal, but it has always been a big deal for me. I always knew even as a young teenager that I would be a Dad. It was important to me, and all of our children were planned. If my wife at the time didn't want me in the delivery room (would never happen but if) I would have strongly insisted on being there. If we somehow broke up and still insisted on me not being there I can see a scenario where I might find myself in the position of the Father in the OP. I would have insisted using whatever means were at my disposal because that's how important it was for me. You and others are acting like men are no big deal, that we are less important to the mother, and I contend that I was the rock for all my children's births, and if not there, and not actively involved through it all, including birth, things might have turned out far different than they did. All of my children are blessed {*not that I'm religious) with seemingly healthy furtures and they're all smart, so me and my wive(s) {ex included}are also blessed to have such healthy and happy kids.
I think my story, and perhaps the story of many loving Fathers is a moral case that trumps selfish behavior from a bitter ex girlfriend or whatever. I asked a very specific question with regard to harm, real material harm that allowing a concerned and loving father into a birthing room would have on this Mother. I understand the hypothetical discomfort of having him there, but is there any REAL harm in having him there?
Tim-
