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GJ Flash

Just Another Conspiracy Theory

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The (Manufactured?) Outrage Over Todd Akin

by GJ Flash

(Note: This turned out to be a lot longer that I anticipated, so you can scroll to the bottom and read the summary, then come back and read my diatripe (trademark pending) if you so desire. I make a case, I think)

So, anyone caught the news lately? Anyone NOT caught the news lately? This Akin fellow stepped in it, big time, and due to his apparent status as "Spokesman For The Republican Party Now And Forever", his views are the news, as are the views of the Republican party in general.

Anything to keep from talking about that "recovery", I suppose.

So let me get a few things out in the open before I ask you to strap on a tifoil helmet and take a ride with me. I heartily disagree with Akin's comment. Yes, a woman's emotional state can and does impact the chances for pregnancy, but trying to classify degrees of rape is flat-out stupid (I give you Whoopi Goldberg's "it wasn't rape-rape" comment as another fine example of footinmouth disease).

So how did Akin end up front-and-center in this Presidential election (and our lives)? I mean, the hyper-controversial remark (that wasn't quite so controversial when a black female liberal said it, but I digress) notwithstanding. Wasn't this guy running, like, third in every poll that mattered for the entire primary?

Why, yes, yes he was. I'll get to that. On with the tinfoil helmet, please. Chin strap too, safety first. Thanks.

So let's say your re-election campaign has a little less "hope" than expected. Let's say your opponent is raising twice as much money as you are, spending half as much, and getting twice the exposure from SuperPACS. Your party will not regain control of Congress, and the balance of power in the Upper Chamber is in question...As is your re-election, and if the focus does (and can and should) turn to the economy, your record isn't one you'd like to discuss. Let's say.

Let's say you're from Chicago.

Bare-knuckle below-the-belt politics aren't just accepted, they're encouraged.
(Google off on the subject of Obama's Chicago elections, tell me I'm wrong)

Now, let's say a Democrat Senator is destined to lose in Missouri. Destined. Polls show her losing to almost (almost) anyone with an (R) next to their name, and either of the top two Republican contenders (again, neither of which was Akin) are projected to beat the incumbent Democrat.

Except here's the thing: The guy in third place is a right-wing-tea-partying-Bible-clinging-extremist. He's anti-women's rights, according to the modern definition. He's considered an "extremist" on abortions. He wrote legislation that denied taxpayer funds for abortions, even in cases of rape (because otherwise everyone would say they were raped, let's be honest here, and the bill passed anyway, allowing for taxpayer funds for abortions in cases of rape anyway, but let's not confuse the issues with facts...Keep your helmet on tight now), and, wait for it, Paul Ryan co-sponsored the Anti-Abortion (*On the Taxpayer's Dime) legislation!

AND, he's also a right-wing-tea-partying-Bible-clinging-extremist!

Did I mention that part?

I mean, wouldn't it be nice if this right-wing-tea-partying-Bible-clinging-extremist could win the primary? Then the Senate seat has a better chance, and hopefully you can use his nomination to steer the debate away from the economy and back to that favorite liberal standard, women's rights. As a bonus, you could tie your opponent's Vice-President nominee to this woman-hating extremist....If only he could win the nomination...He's running third.

Did I mention that Missouri has an open primary? That means that anyone, Republican or Democrat, can vote in the other party's primary. Just saying.

So, abracadabra, Akin vaults from third to first, winning by a comfortable margin.

Now, Akin is in the race, and you have to get him in front of a camera, quickly (giggle giggle, he probably thinks the Earth is only 6,000 years old, tee hee)...Get a reporter...An interviewer, stat.

So who ya gonna call?

Well, Charles Jaco does a piece for the local news called "The Jaco Report" (when he's not anchoring a liberal radio program). He's written a couple leftist books, so he has some cred. He likes to refer to members of the TEA Party (like Akin) as "teabaggers", pretending not to know what it means. He's actually been charged with a crime in relation to his assault on a "teabagger" at a rally.

Also, he went to the University of Chicago. Just saying. He also attended Columbia, Obama's alma matter. Again, just saying.

The stage, as it were, is set.

Now you have "The Face Of The Republican Party" in front of "The Mouth Of The Liberal Media".

Cameras are rolling.

Tomorrow's Headline: "Economy? What Economy? ALL REPUBLICANS HATE WOMEN!!!"


In summary, I submit that Akin's nomination was a sham, perpetrated by the Democrats in order to make his personal extremist views front and center and projected onto everyone not driving a Prius, aided by a helpful lapdog of a media, for the next three months.
Now, Akin=Republican. Tell a lie often enough and it becomes truth.

Could be I'm right. Could be I'm wrong. But, to quote the Mythbusters...Plausible.

Especially in Chicago.


Stay tuned for Part 2: "If You're Upset About Akin's Views On Abortion, You Should Brush Up On Obama's Views On Late-Term Abortions...And Then You Should Have To Witness One"
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