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Faydra

Conversations with the dead

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Conversations with the dying are hard to have. They are even harder to type out on an internet forum without completely losing most of the emotional impact they had on you.*

My mother dying:
"I love dad and I love you".
18 year old terrified me said "He loves you too" and then I ran away because I could NOT cope. Regret forever for this. forEVER. The next 300 lifetimes I have I will regret what I did that day.

My father dying:*
My last conversation with him he was drunk as ever, crying his eyes out and telling me he loved me for like maybe the 3rd time in my life? I didn't want to deal with drunk dad again and I left. Then he died.* End of conversation.

My eldest brother dying:*
May of you know the amazing musical interlude we had with Jim, but a private conversation a few days earlier went something like this.
"I'm not afraid to die, I just want to take care of {my wife} and {our brother}.*
"I dont want you to die" followed by a flood of tears
"I know, but I'm going to".*
Later he just sat there and told me about his time in Amsterdam. I think he just wanted to talk to me. I enjoyed the stories very much and loved that time with him. Then he asked me to grab the dog's cone of shame and put in on him. We took a picture of that and he made it the main picture on his wife's phone to make her laugh.*

My other brother dying:*
"Why did you inject yourself with 2 vials of insulin"?
"Because i wanted to kill myself".
"Why?"
"Because it seemed like the thing to do at the time".
He died as my plane was landing.


My point is that conversations with the dying are so situational, there isn't a blueprint. There's you and the person dying and an awkward space between you that you just hope you can bridge before its too late.
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