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Thread: Dutch comedy translated

  1. #1
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    Dutch comedy translated

    Name of comedy piece: "child on his tricycle"

    Hey, you know what I am. I am five. And my sister, ooh boy, she is already twenty. And my sister had a boyfriend and he did not know what he wanted to become, until he became a dad.

    Now my sister has a baby, man on man, what a rotten brat. If he burbs everybody shouts "hoorah", when I burp they say that I am a bad boy.

    Ooh boy, my dad, you know when you agree with him he think he was right LOL.

    My parents raise us from advise from a parenting magazine. Last week the magazine was not delivered and we were not raised for an entire week.

    Every day my dad drops me off at this anti-authoritarian day creche, and I said I did not want to go to this anti-authoritarian day creche but my father says, you have to!

    Man oh man, my teacher at the day creche, well she is totally crazy. Why aren't you playing with the other kids in the playground, she asked me. So I told her that if she had taken the time to read my psychological evaluation, she would know I have crippling anxiety issues and do not perform to optimum performance in group settings.

    Last week my mom hit me, it felt like a slap in the face!!!

    And what does the government do to protect children, nothing. They only support the foundation for the protection of the unborn child. Sometimes I wished I had never been born, then at least I would be protected by a foundation. As soon as your born the game is up, you have nothing as a 4 year old.
    What, Santa Claus is for children, ooh please Santa Claus is a play by your parent to blackmail you into be nice or Santa will put you on the naughty list.

    Well, when my dad gets home from work, my mother says to me "be a nice boy and go to bed because daddy is dead tired". What nonsense, he is tired and then I have to go to bed.

    Last week I got home and my shirt was ripped. I was totally innocent, I had been in a fight. And even that was not my fault, my friend started hitting back. And my mom was angry, she said: "I am going to get grey hair from all your antics", so I said, wow, what did you to do grandmother then?

    Well, my grandmother, my grandmother is also an idiot. Last week she said "do you know what happens to boys who lie all the time?". Sure I said, they end up in politics or used car sales.

    You know what my granddad says? If you are good you are going to go to heaven and if you are bad you are going to go to hell. He asked me "So where do you think boys and girls go when they are playing dirty games?". I said, under the bleachers at the high school.

    Well, why it is my grandmothers birthday, you know what they do then? They decorate the house and my uncle and aunt come and tell the family about all kinds of disgusting diseases they have had. Well, my aunt and uncle must have a horrendous life. My mother said to me something like "they live like brother and sister". Say no more I said, I know how horrible living with a sister is, poor devils.

    When it was my birthday I got this bike, and I got a.....a.....well fairy tale book. A story with something about a frog who gets kissed and becomes a prince. Disgusting, who needs more princes in the world and less frogs. Anyway, a person who spends their free time kissing frogs is insane.

    You also do not have to tell me anymore about the birds and the bees. My mother, oh boy, she told me everything. I have never had such a good laugh. I said to her, how do they come up with something that yukky?

    And my father is always saying "having a family is the greatest thing that every happened to me. Idiot. Because what is a family? It is a daycare where all the people in charge are totally unfit for their job.

    But I do know my father only wanted 2 children, so he did not have to buy a new car. He said to me so we decided to have you. I said "I wish you would have a car for three people, not four".
    Last edited by Peter King; 01-25-20 at 01:52 AM.
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  2. #2
    Educator Jean-s's Avatar
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    Re: Dutch comedy translated

    This would be better in Dutch because that language always sounds funny.

  3. #3
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    Re: Dutch comedy translated

    Quote Originally Posted by Jean-s View Post
    This would be better in Dutch because that language always sounds funny.
    Sure, but this is the best one can do when translating it. Some words and lines were not translatable.
    Bette Midler tweeted: At his rally, Trump complained about Parasite winning the Oscar. Iím more upset that a parasite won the White House.

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