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Tabletop RPG Humor

Jesse Booth said:
No, it was an absolutely amazing turn of events. It started with us hunting a Lich. Since we had been attacked by several undead minions of his already, we had taken up a habit of burning dead bodies whenever we came across them. We were still pursuing the Lich when we came across the skeleton of a small dragon, which we quickly decided we didn't want to fight at out level, so we burned it. Or at least tried to, but I'll get to that later. Anyway, we decided to keep a toe bone from the dragon, so that when we were getting close to the Lich, we would know it immediately. One abandoned campsite later, we came across an abandoned campsite with a few dead bodies. Our leader, a Deva named Elias, rolled a nat 1 for perception while trying to figure out what killed the person in the tent. This transported him into the dream realm of the dead body's soul, which was still around (his name is Wilkins). After failing every roll to figure out what the Hell was going on, Elias blew the body ip with a fireball, hoping that would break whatever spell was affecting him. A sleeping ghost popped up in the body's place. Elias decided to talk to it before using another spell on him, and figured out what was going on. He convinced Wilkins to get him out of the dream state and back to the material plane, but he needed possession of a body to do so. Elias seemed to have little choice... Until he remembered the dragon toe in his pocket! When he popped back onto the material plane, the toe began to glow bright blue, and a bunch of unscathed dragon bones flew off from the way we had come to form a dragon skeleton, and a Dracolich was created. He nods at Elias, and flies off.

He is now our trump card during our invasion of Hell.
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hunting a lich at lower levels?

that like the chinese dude standing in front of the tank at tiananmen square

it is no contest unless the characters are at least on average 9-11 levels

and then they better have an idea on how to proceed.....
 
gdgyva said:
hunting a lich at lower levels?

that like the chinese dude standing in front of the tank at tiananmen square

it is no contest unless the characters are at least on average 9-11 levels

and then they better have an idea on how to proceed.....
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This was a specially made crappy Lich, and it was a halfling to boot. The DM has a habit of making his own boss battles.
 
gdgyva said:
until you have been the DM, it is hard to understand why they get frustrated

i would take weeks to plan out events, and things that i wanted the group to encounter

my regular group was 9-10 players, and me....fairly large to DM

try getting that many people to agree to anything....lol

give your DM a break....most really try to put on a good and fair adventure.....which is what the game is all about
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I've had a different experience. It takes me 30min to an hour to plan out a night's worth of material, and I don't DM groups larger than 5...6 if it's a special circumstance, but 4 players is optimal. Large groups tend to reduce per-player spotlight, they try to talk over eachother more, and they try to correct eachother on the rules more. Smaller groups are easier to manage and move through the content.
 
Jerry said:
I've had a different experience. It takes me 30min to an hour to plan out a night's worth of material, and I don't DM groups larger than 5...6 if it's a special circumstance, but 4 players is optimal. Large groups tend to reduce per-player spotlight, they try to talk over eachother more, and they try to correct eachother on the rules more. Smaller groups are easier to manage and move through the content.
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i agree smaller groups are easier

larger groups tend to bicker more....some want to do this, and others want to do that

i was lucky....most of my players were young adults....they learned early that working together was the only way to go

and the fights were epic....when you have groups of 8-9 players...the whole gamut of things are usable....

with younger players, smaller is better

with older more experienced players, more is awesome
 
Yo this is the Chaotic good tiefling chiming in here! Wilkins is an utter boss lol. This game didn't even start out on the rails but we somehow derailed it.
 
i played a lot before i DM'ed

Rusty...the half elf ranger

Nilrak....the lawful good cleric

Dillinger....the chaotic neutral thief

and my all time favorite character.....the chaotic good mage Karlin....who in the endgame was feebleminded when a wish went haywire

all bring back great memories....and lots of smiles
 
Jesse Booth said:
Has anybody on here played a tabletop rpg before (Dungeons & Dragons, Call of Cthulhu, etc.)?

Anyway, here's a place to talk about some of the funnier things that have happened to you during a game, to post relevant memes, or to tell jokes about the games.

Enjoy.
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cargame.jpg
 
Mandolute said:
Yo this is the Chaotic good tiefling chiming in here! Wilkins is an utter boss lol. This game didn't even start out on the rails but we somehow derailed it.
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....Thank you for warning me ahead of time that you'd join the forum.

Anyway, as the Tiefling was saying, Wilkins is pretty epic. We're in the process of turning him into a deity in the game, and it's only ended in the formation of a violent, murderous cult once sof ar. I'd say we're doing pretty well.

Please don't use the Guest wifi at school.
 
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Jesse Booth said:
....Thank you for warning me ahead of time that you'd join the forum.

Anyway, as the Tiefling was saying, Wilkins is pretty epic. We're in the process of turning him into a deity in the game, and it's only ended in the formation of a violent, murderous cult once sof ar. I'd say we're doing pretty well.

Please don't use the Guest wifi at school.
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let me give you a small analogy of what the DM is supposed to do, as far as his adventure going off the rails

pretend you are in a very long tunnel....as you enter (you start the adventure)

as you go further down the tunnel, you are in the DM's world.....he can let you bounce from top to bottom, and side to side....but he has to keep you in that tunnel, heading the same basic direction you started

so you can go off a bit, as long as he keeps the adventure heading where he/she needs it to go

it was always the hardest part of being a DM....especially with very intelligent and stubborn players
 
gdgyva said:
let me give you a small analogy of what the DM is supposed to do, as far as his adventure going off the rails

pretend you are in a very long tunnel....as you enter (you start the adventure)

as you go further down the tunnel, you are in the DM's world.....he can let you bounce from top to bottom, and side to side....but he has to keep you in that tunnel, heading the same basic way you started

so you can go off a bit, as long as he keeps the adventure heading where he/she needs it to go

it was always the hardest part of being a DM....especially with very intelligent and stubborn players
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He's actually on board with the whole Wilkins becoming a God thing, for some strange reason.

And since our goal is to kill our way through all nine rings of Hell and assassinate Asmodeus, I don't think he's gonna have too much trouble poking us in the right direction.
 
gdgyva said:
hunting a lich at lower levels?

that like the chinese dude standing in front of the tank at tiananmen square

it is no contest unless the characters are at least on average 9-11 levels

and then they better have an idea on how to proceed.....
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Thats what we call the "DM bump". Often caused by DM's that wanna make their players feel like chump badasses with an easy "awesome" win or ones that thought their players were smart enough to run, but didnt wanna kill them when they didnt.
 
gdgyva said:
let me give you a small analogy of what the DM is supposed to do, as far as his adventure going off the rails

pretend you are in a very long tunnel....as you enter (you start the adventure)

as you go further down the tunnel, you are in the DM's world.....he can let you bounce from top to bottom, and side to side....but he has to keep you in that tunnel, heading the same basic direction you started

so you can go off a bit, as long as he keeps the adventure heading where he/she needs it to go

it was always the hardest part of being a DM....especially with very intelligent and stubborn players
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A DM that keeps you in a tunnel is a really ****ty DM. It should be like pick-a-path stories and you have all the major plot characters flushed out and how they would typically behave. It should NEVER be "oh the players are at ::A:: and i will find a way to get them to ::B:: It should be "This main plot NPC is in this situation: how do they respond?"

The "stubborn" and "intelligent" players prolly feel like you are reading them a boring book and naturally start finding ANY way to test your boundry to actually have fantasy interaction.
 
dirtpoorchris said:
A DM that keeps you in a tunnel is a really ****ty DM. It should be like pick-a-path stories and you have all the major plot characters flushed out and how they would typically behave. It should NEVER be "oh the players are at ::A:: and i will find a way to get them to ::B:: It should be "This main plot NPC is in this situation: how do they respond?"
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I will disagree....but to each his or her own

I DM'ed for approximately 10 years....and never had a complaint.....but the world was huge, and the adventures numerous

But yes....I would "lead" the group somewhat down the path I wanted them to go
 
gdgyva said:
I will disagree....but to each his or her own

I DM'ed for approximately 10 years....and never had a complaint.....but the world was huge, and the adventures numerous

But yes....I would "lead" the group somewhat down the path I wanted them to go
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Well for the love of the neurotic I will request you at least think of 3 different options players MAY possibly take with each unique problem. And keep them in mind depending on the spirit of the group. It ends up being more enchanting the cramming a square peg in a round hole.
 
dirtpoorchris said:
Well for the love of the neurotic I will request you at least think of 3 different options players MAY possibly take with each unique problem. And keep them in mind depending on the spirit of the group. It ends up being more enchanting the cramming a square peg in a round hole.
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My job as the DM was to give the players issues to deal with.....I never had a clue on how they actually would "solve" what I had set up.....many times they completely blew my mind....and I had to improvise on the spot

One of the best things about the game was that it wasn't cookie cutter.....I may have thought they would zig but instead they zagged....and it caused me no end in frustration and good times

They knew the basics of what had to get done.....finding the relic that had been stolen, or killing an ogre that was terrorizing a region.....how they eventually fixed the problem was entirely up to them
 
dirtpoorchris said:
A DM that keeps you in a tunnel is a really ****ty DM. It should be like pick-a-path stories and you have all the major plot characters flushed out and how they would typically behave. It should NEVER be "oh the players are at ::A:: and i will find a way to get them to ::B:: It should be "This main plot NPC is in this situation: how do they respond?"

The "stubborn" and "intelligent" players prolly feel like you are reading them a boring book and naturally start finding ANY way to test your boundry to actually have fantasy interaction.
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Smart players and DMs communicate their desired sandbox-to-railroad ratio in the session zero as characters are being made together :)
 
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gdgyva said:
My job as the DM was to give the players issues to deal with.....I never had a clue on how they actually would "solve" what I had set up.....many times they completely blew my mind....and I had to improvise on the spot...
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Like when you set up a main antagonist and the party hires a mage to telaport that person to the moon.
 
Jesse Booth said:
He's actually on board with the whole Wilkins becoming a God thing, for some strange reason.

And since our goal is to kill our way through all nine rings of Hell and assassinate Asmodeus, I don't think he's gonna have too much trouble poking us in the right direction.
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Urban Dictionary: monty haul ;)
 
Jesse Booth said:
Has anybody on here played a tabletop rpg before (Dungeons & Dragons, Call of Cthulhu, etc.)?

Anyway, here's a place to talk about some of the funnier things that have happened to you during a game, to post relevant memes, or to tell jokes about the games.

Enjoy.
Click to expand...

I remember the first time I ever played D&D. It was hilarious and I pissed off the DM.

I was a lvl 1 thief that had a knack for throwing knives and hiding in shadows and I had luck (real luck...not game luck). As they explained the rules to me I could make a called shot to the head if I threw one of my many knives and if I hit a twenty on the die roll then whatever I was fighting was instantly dead. Of course if I didn't roll a 20 then it was an automatic miss. Well, playing a thief I naturally kept this in mind considering all of my points allotted for thieving skills was stuck in hide in shadows skill which gave me a 60% chance to hide.

Not long after the game started I pissed the DM off so he set me and my "party" (lvl 1 also, one mage, one warrior) against an ancient dragon. I hid, they tried to attack the dragon. They died. As I was sitting there going "oh ***!" I remembered the called shot rule. I ducked out of cover long enough to throw a knife and then ducked back into cover. Missed. DANG IT! So I did it again. Missed again! Grrr! Hid again. Down to my last knife. Called shot to the eye of the dragon. HIT! Dragon dead.

One REALLY pissed off DM. And me with the dragons treasure all to myself because my two buddies were dead. :D In another game I got hit by a random lightening bolt form the sky. I learned that luck is rather fickle and to not piss off DM's. ;)
 
Nothing beats the Head Of Vecna.

nothing.
 
Kal'Stang said:
Good story that. However hiring a wizard and a lawyer in order to use a Wish spell would have solved it. ;)
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No, it wouldn't.

Okay, here's one of my all time personal favorite humorous experiences.

We were at a friends house and we were playing the old Palladium game Beyond The Supernatural.

one of the attributes Palladium uses is called Physical Prowess, or P.P.

So the guys girlfriend one day she was looking at her character sheet and she blurts out:

"What is a PP?"

Most of us were rolling on the floor with that one.
 
Ancient Herald said:
No, it wouldn't.

Okay, here's one of my all time personal favorite humorous experiences.

We were at a friends house and we were playing the old Palladium game Beyond The Supernatural.

one of the attributes Palladium uses is called Physical Prowess, or P.P.

So the guys girlfriend one day she was looking at her character sheet and she blurts out:

"What is a PP?"

Most of us were rolling on the floor with that one.
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Oh it wouldn't affect Vecna the god, bit it would affect the artifacts if you phrased the Wish correctly. ;)

And yeah, I'd have been roflmao with that one too. :D
 
Kal'Stang said:
Oh it wouldn't affect Vecna the god, bit it would affect the artifacts if you phrased the Wish correctly. ;)

And yeah, I'd have been roflmao with that one too. :D
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That's the problem though.

You really can't phrase the wish correctly because to do so would be a very verbose and complicated the wording of it, and the problem of wishes is that the longer they are, the easier they are to corrupt in some way.

And also, wishes can not overwrite a deity.

Plus it could not have worked anyway, because only the Hand and the Eye were the artifacts, not the head.
 
Ancient Herald said:
That's the problem though.

You really can't phrase the wish correctly because to do so would be a very verbose and complicated the wording of it, and the problem of wishes is that the longer they are, the easier they are to corrupt in some way.

And also, wishes can not overwrite a deity.

Plus it could not have worked anyway, because only the Hand and the Eye were the artifacts, not the head.
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Bold: Which were not attached to anything. ;)

Rest: That's why you hire a lawyer. :D A really good one. Like the one OJ had. ;)
 
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