No worries. I think I mostly tracked what you were saying and I think we're pretty much in agreement.
And I believe that's 100% correct, fulfillment is extremely important when it comes to what you do. That's why we're fortunate that for every possible skill or ability that we have need of, there's a decently sized demographic that enjoys filling that need. I'll use the architect example again since I have a friend who is one. He started school pretty much knowing that he wanted to be an architect. He focused on his goal, committed himself to getting his degree for it and enjoyed doing it. No real reason WHY he enjoys it, he just does. He's also naturally good at it, in that he grasps all the principles and concepts related to being a good architect and now he had a job in a good firm that he makes good money in, doing what he loves. Again, why is naturally good at all this? I don't have a clear answer other than that's how he was born, for lack of a better term. Just like how I was born to lift heavy things and argue with people on the internet(maybe I'm not the best at the latter but I enjoy doing it).
Affirmative action truly is the worst. We're seeing it a lot in the fire service now(first hand for me). The FDNY has actually been making news lately because of it. They're now so obsessed with getting a certain percentage of each demographic that they're apparently forgetting that they need to get the people who are best at lifting heavy **** and breaking down doors. Your point about women leaving to have kids is exactly correct I think, any professional career demands basically your entire life, whether it's STEM, doctor, lawyer, whatever. Men are best suited for that because they a) can't bear kids themselves, and b) can use their careers to provide for their families, which means they can get double the fulfillment out of both working and providing(the need to provide for someone else, btw, is something I firmly believe is built into the male psych, no matter what the slackers may tell you). Now maybe certain women WILL go back to work in a demanding career after having kids, that's perfectly fine obviously, but the vast majority won't because their base instinct now is to take care of that child that they just spent 9 months growing inside them. Again, no one size fits all but it's certainly not "society" saying they have to go back to work.
We do agree. Feminists equate 50/50 with equality when really equality comes from being free to do what you do best, whether it's STEM, child rearing or whatever else. Being equal doesn't mean we have to be the same. Being different is what makes us strongest as we've already discussed.