July 12, 2102 – Biden at NAACP: “Soul Man” is one of my favorite movies!”

Critics are accusing Vice President Joe Biden of pandering to the influential African American organization (NAACP) by claiming the popular 80’s flick “Soul Man” is one of the “best movies ever”. In an effort to garner favor from the civil rights group, Biden launched into his speech by channeling his inner C. Thomas Howell, “wut's happenin brotha! get down, get down! lookin good mama, lookin good! well, i gots to be goin now!”

After 15 minutes straight of quoting the movie, the crowd began getting restless. “I’ve never even heard of the movie before”, said one attendee. “It really started to get uncomfortable out there.” One member, who is a Hollywood producer, noticed some discrepancies, “After the first couple of quotes he started throwing in other C. Thomas Howell lines from “The Hitcher” and “Side Out”. I think I even heard some Ponyboy Curtis in there”.

Needless to say, Biden did manage to talk about policy and the upcoming November election. “Make no mistake, if Mitt Romney is elected President he will crop dust urban neighborhoods with dangerous pesticides, drop bunker buster bombs on inner cities, and implement economic policies resulting in much lower unemployment in the black community.”

Biden concluded his speech by emphasizing the point that he used to use “Soul Glo” religiously before experimenting with hair plugs. “Had I known I’d look like a complete moron, I would’ve never had tried them in the first place.”


**When pressed by reporters after his speech, Biden reiterated that “Dude, Where’s My Car?” is still his overall favorite movie.

Chris Mercurio (Author of "Dear Obama")