Open Mind

For the past 10 years I've heard over and over again that I should save sex for marriage. This idea has been beaten into me by my Catholic middle school and high school. But no more. Next year i'm going to a public university. And i'm starting to question my schooling...

So what do you think? I mean this as a completely serious question, with regard to the physical and psychological consequences of sex before marriage. And by the way, I dont think I believe in god, so religious answers won't help me much.

obvious Child

If you have to ask, you're not ready.

Really, the only person who can decide is yourself. Just do it safely.

__________________
"Maybe God doesn't care how you say your prayers, just as long as you say them" - Jeffery Sinclair

DarkWizard12

I don't think the message will change much. Public schools won't beat it into you, but they still promote abstinence; whether its only abstinence or abstinence+contraception, depends on the school/state.

As for the question, from a guy who is still a virgin at 21, I support the position that it is worth it.

You see, I'm not a very religious kind of guy. You look on the forum you see that I am friendly toward christians, but I don't go to church, I don't pray, and the catholic church can eat worms IMO. However, my gf who I have known since middle-school, is religous(Protestant) and it is her idea to save sex untill after marriage. I can tell you her opinion on this subject but first I want to tell you mine:

For me, sex gives marriage something to look forward to. Probably the only reason I still have her as a gf after all this time. A relationship where all the action comes first is pretty much doomed to fail. That is not to generalize of course, I know people who have had sex and still got married(my own father being one of them), but that is rare, very very rare. No really, its rare.

if your whole goal is just to have sex with someone and having a relationship that could bloom into a marriage isn't a factor at all, then do it. But when leave a crying girl with a baby in her hands as you wait for the doctor to tell you you have aids, don't say you weren't warned.

Its a decision between Short-term satisfaction vs Long-term happiness each and everytime you date a girl.

Open Mind

Whoa! Let's not make this specifically about me, ok? I have no plans to have sex and am not considering it. It's not even an option right now. What I was saying is that I know things will be different at a public university than at my previous Catholic schools. However, there is no doubt in my mind that this question will pop into my head when I first have sex. No doubt. But that doesn't mean I'm not ready, it just means that there will always be a part of my brains saying "no, don't do it!" It's a product of Catholic school education.

I just want to hear some unbiased opinions.

DarkWizard12

lol, every opinion is biased, thats why they are opinions. :P

Open Mind

I meant that it would be a different environment. Since not all of the students are Catholic, they will likely have more liberal views on stuff like sex, drugs, alcohol, etc.

Interesting, I've never thought of that before. Although I'm skeptical about that last part about marriage after sex being rare. Did you hear that somewhere or is that just something you heard? I'm not calling you a liar, it's just that I've never heard anything like that before.

Althought I disapprove of scare tactics, you raised two important risks of pre-marital sex. But neither are big problems in today's world.

Pregnancy: Natural Family Planning is extremely effective. Add a condom and that solves that problem.

STDs: Simple. Just don't have sex with anyone who has an STD. Make sure you trust the person and ask them about STDs before sex. So this really doesn't have to be a problem either.

Why can't you have both?

Open Mind

Unbiased opinions, meaning from people who haven't been forced to listen to teachers who try to brainwash them into thinking that pre-marital sex is evil.

Hatuey

Is abstinence worth it? Depends on what you think of sex after you've had sex the first time.

__________________
Is Intolerant Because He Won't Let The Intolerant Run Other People's Lives.

DarkWizard12

True, you will, probably more liberal than you anticipate. The teachers themselves will promote abstinence as best means; however, some of that will be fake. Teacher's will say they promote it but, in the end, they don't really care. as for the Students, well, it will just depend what school you go to. in my high school in michigan, you would see kids having sex, doing drugs/alcohol, etc. during school, and no one cared. Then, I went to Texas, and no one did any of that.

You will have kids who ae good, and kids who are bad. You'll just have to pick and choose more carefully than in Catholic school. That is all I can tell you.
My father taught me all that. He did everything with his wife before marraige and having become married, he still regrets it. As far as being rare, it is kind of common sense. How many people have had sex with their high-school bf/gf and gotten married? As I said before, it does happen, But most relationshsips I have seen where sex came first either they broke up later on, or they got married but didn't last long.

It is not a scare-tactic, its just risks that is taken.

1.Having both condom and birth-control pills, pregnancy is decreased a lot, but it can still happen. You'll have cases where the girl doesn't want to take the pill or you forgot to use a condom, or both. And even then, there is no 100% effective way of preventing it. (Then again, there is always the "nuke method" of abortion but...I leave that alone.)

2. True, but it will depend on the girl. Even then, symptoms for STD's don't show up for months/years or so. No way to know unless you make your partner do a test, which some might be offended.



I'm not saying you can't, but 9/10, you won't have it that way even if you try for it.

EDIT: Probably the only way you can do this is if you let your relationship grow first, say a year or so, and you are sure you are going to marry that person anyways, then you could pull off having sex before marriage.

Gipper

Hell no. Not for me anyways. Then again, I'm ridiculously picky. I'll sleep with any chick, but I'm pretty selective on who I will date. I'm 29, never married, and not looking to change that anytime soon.

Do you buy a car without taking a test-drive? Hell no you don't. Everyone (girls too) should go out there and "sow their oats" before settling down and marrying someone. That way you're less inclined to fall to the pangs of regret. I've seen people wait and then kinda go through this repressed stage where they feel as if they've missed out on so much.

Being intimate with a woman you connect with is great. However, so is tappin' it after a wild night. You'll have much more chances of the latter than the former, so just go for it.

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A government big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. - Barry Goldwater