americanwoman

Why do people always talk about how when you get married there isn't going to be anymore sex? Why do people (mostly men) create these rumors? Is it because they don't get any sex or because they feel trapped and don't want their buddy to get married? I can say since I've been married the sex has been as good as ever and even more frequent. And it's not just sex that's supposed to end, it's blow jobs and freaky deaky stuff and I don't know why actually getting married would stop those things. Urban legend or not? Thoughts...

WI Crippler

Not.

The sex definantley slows down.

Its still fine and good. But the frequency is alot less. When my wife and I were dating we would **** no less than 2 times a day. Now its more like 3 or 4 times a week. And never twice in one day.

And blowjobs? I used to get full blowjobs, start to finish every now and then. Now its never.

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tecoyah

In my experience, every relationship and every marriage is unique. Any claim of lowered sexual activity needs to be taken in this context. To make a proclamation of diminishing sex may very well be a self fulfilling prophecy, 'cause I don't know about anyone else but I sure as hell wont say such a thing on the off chance it might become a reality.

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rivrrat

My current BF actually left his ex-wife in large part due to this particular subject. They'd been married less than two years and he said sex was a rarity (like a couple times a MONTH), when it used to be daily or at least 4-5x a week. He said he used to receive blowjobs, but that after getting married, he didn't get one for well over a year. (until he met me *cough* LOL)

I asked him how/why this changed, he said it completely confused him. It was like after the wedding was done, so was the sex. He said she was (or seemed) very sexual prior to the wedding, but then after it was like, "Okay, got him. Don't need to have sex anymore".

I don't get it either. One explaination I have is that the unbridled passion DOES go away the longer you're with someone. That hot and heavy passionate sexual feeling DOES subside the longer you're with someone. It's just biological. That doesn't mean you don't find him/her attractive, but you're just not as likely to have sex as frequently as before. I understand all of that, I accept that. But... I don't get the whole "sex stops" thing either.

When my BF and I moved in together, the sex was pretty rampant for a few weeks. But that dies down, as it should, as it always will.

My only other explaination for the phenomenon in the OP (Other than the natural, biological slowdown in hormone release) is that some people - perhaps quite a few and women in particular - are not themselves while courting. They're putting on the face they think the other wants. He wants lots of sex, she'll be very sexual. Maybe even some women don't even realize they're doing it. Then after getting that ball and chain put on, they feel as though they can finally relax and just be themselves. This explains a lot of the phenomena regarding how people just up and change after marriage. They didn't change, they're just being themselves now.

In other words, people aren't honest about who they are and what they want with their partners. Hence the high divorce rate.

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WI Crippler

I have to admit to, that if you have kids, it kind of takes the wind out of your sails a little bit. You can't just grab a "noon-er" on the couch, or in some other area of the house.

I am probably lucky that I still get it as many times a week as I do.

americanwoman

That's a very interesting and perhaps honest look at this. How else can you explain losing your sex drive, not because you're getting older or what not but because you just got married. We've been together over 7 years and married for over 1 year and it hasn't seemed to slow down for us at all. Like with the blow jobs, why put on a front and act like you like it just to get the ring or what not. A guy isn't going to marry you just because you give him a blow job but will be distant if you do then stop all of a sudden. And what's so wrong with giving blow jobs anyway? My husband says out of all the girls he dated I'm the one who has given him the most and in the best places. Why would I pretend to like to do something I don't just to get a guy? That in itself blows my mind because if you are going to marry someone the last thing you want to do is start of the marriage and sex life with a lie because then they know what they're missing. If you lay down from the beginning you don't like it or won't do it, at least they know what they're getting into.

reaganburch

Having our son was the primary thing that has pushed my wife & my sex lives off track... before then, our sex life was the exact same after we got married as it was before...

Now, we're just too damn tired... we try our best to spend a time or three a week, but sometimes our son just doesn't let us...

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rivrrat

I really don't think there is any other explanation other than dishonesty on the parts of one or both of the participants. Sex will gradually slow down and become less frequent, of course. But to flat out stop? That's something else at work. Especially if it happens so soon after a marriage.

I know my BF said that his ex-wife didn't like giving BJs, but prior to getting married, he said she gave them quite frequently and he THOUGHT she enjoyed it. Then after a bit in the marriage, she was like, "I don't like doing that and I'm not doing it anymore."

I mean, WTF? No, sex isn't everything, but good lord! If you're a person who enjoys something immensely and has come to expect and enjoy that with your partner, it's pretty defeating to have your partner say, "Well, I've been lying to you for years, and I'm not going to do what you love anymore. Sorry about that. Isn't my ring pretty??"

When he came to visit me for a week prior to moving in with me, I took time off work and we pretty much had sex constantly for a week. LOL He was astounded, he was amazed, and went on and on about how great it was going to be living with me. I told him right then and there that the week he was putting on a pedastal was not a typical week. I'd have to work, he'd have to work, we were going to have "moods", we were going to be tired, we were going to get sick, so on and forth. And, that if he was expecting a life like the week we had, then he shouldn't move in because that isn't how it was going to be. Not like that.

I think far too many women use sex to "get" a guy and are dishonest about the sex, or any number of other things. There really is no other reason why the sex just stops, or certain aspects just stop, or the person is a "different person". Plain ole dishonesty is what I think it is.

independent_thinker2002

It's food. There is a food that causes a woman's sex drive to decrease by half. Does anyone know what that food is?














Wedding cake.

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Bones

I don't think sex stops, as such, it just becomes less frequent, which is normal. Sex is usually great for the first year, then gets less frequent, because you have passed the 'honeymoon' stage. I don't mean it ceases altogether, it's just not so much of a big deal. You have this wonderful person with whom you are going to spend the rest of your life, somehow sex doesn't seem all that important - doesn't mean the marriage will go down the drain, couples still have sex, but I think it's natural for it to be less frequent after a certain period of time.