mikhail

I was talking to some friends earlier about the fact if we did have daughters we would very overprotective over them when it came to boys i always have been with my sisters even though there older than me.But in all honesty if i had a daughter i wouldnt reccomend she only went with one guy not that i would like her going of with everyone but the truth is sex is very different with different people and an important part of any realtionship i just hope if i do have a daughter(s) i can be honest to them of the fact.

I know this applys to sons too but if i have a son his inherit sexual charisma will make celibacy impossible.

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herenow1

What you speak of is very common. Of course people will call you sexist, but then they'd be calling the majority of men with daughters sexist. I want to treat mine the same but dh has already told me that he is going to be more strict with my girl, all because girls are different. That can cause some probs as well. The boundaries and or freedom need to be the same across the board.

1069

My dad (a single parent) acknowledged my sex as little as possible.
By this I mean, I was not raised as a "girl", although of course I was one.
I was not given "girl toys" to play with. I was not dressed in "girl clothes", beyond my school uniform, which had a skirt. I was not encouraged to be frivolous or to behave in any conventionally "girly" manner.
During my childhood, I was not treated in any way that indicated that my father was even aware I had a gender.
Rather, he seemed to believe that I was a brain- a very gifted and talented brain- attached to a body which consisted of a set of arms and legs. And nothing else.

In a way, I think it would've been helpful if we had talked more about sex.
In another way, I think it would've been downright impossible, given who we are. Or were. And the sort of relationship we had, and the sort of person it was hoped that I'd grow into.
I really can't imagine things being any other way than what they were.
Although we do talk about sex a good deal now, now that we're both grown up. My dad tells a dirty joke better than anyone.

He has acknowledged to me, in retrospect, that my entire upbringing was very much an "experiment". The result of a conscious experiment.
There were new ideas in the 60s and 70s about ways to raise kids, which were supposed to be better than the traditional ways.
And my upbringing was the result of some of these ideas.

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mikhail

Intresting.My last girlfriend who i loved so much and in someways still do as we broke up for reasons more geographical and practical than in a bad way was raised by her father too and i think it was one of the reasons i liked her so much she was very much a women yet not a wimp or someone who saw men as dogs.Which is so sad in countries with so many girls and boys raised by just women it was different for me because even though i had 2 older sisters i always acted like their boyfriends had to go through me before being excepted.But i find it so sad many people grow up without a real male role model.I mean what man can a girl really depend on except her dad?

mixedmedia

I don't think it's just being honest about sex or protective or unprotective of your daughters, it has more to do with allowing your children to develop as whole people. Not to suppress sexual thoughts and feelings and not to put too much emphasis on them, either.

I think it's important that we concentrate on children feeling secure, loved, respected leading to a healthy self-esteem. Not that these things will guarantee that your child will postpone having sex or will not be sexually experimental, but it will improve the chances of them making smarter choices and not becoming reliant on sex to validate their identity.

But the fact is, it is always their choice to make and they will make it with or without your approval.

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1069

True, dat.

Stace

Well, I certainly couldn't depend on my dad. He and my mom divorced when I was five and he moved halfway across the country. Even when we eventually moved one state away, just a three hour drive, I rarely saw him.

And my stepdad? Don't make me laugh. He couldn't have cared less about me.

Thankfully, I did have my grandfather for the first twelve years of my life, as well as my older brother.

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nancyboy

It seems a bit weird how you're all commenting on how important it is to have a male role model but not a female one. to be honest, I don't think sex is important. Why should it matter? as long as you teach your child to be honest, respectful, happy and kind, strong and confident, does it really matter whether the person teaching them has balls or ovaries?

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new coup for you

It's difficult to communicate to children that their situation is genuinely different then your own, and that you're not just trying to "spoil their fun".

My little sister, who's fifteen, thinks i'm being hypocritical when I get mad at her for acting slutty.

Being a 21 year old gay man is different from being a 15 year old girl. I don't have to justify myself to her.

I can do things with my bf that she shouldn't, and I'm not being a hypocrite saying so.

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savoir-faire

Good post.