JustineCredible

This is an extremely relevant thread:

As the parent of a seventeen year old son, I still don't think he or his sixteen year old girlfriend are EMOTIONALLY mature enough to be engaging in sex. I know my son, I know he wears his heart on his sleeve. I know he still turns various shades of pink when there's sexually explicit scenes in movies and television.
He's not ready.
But I'm not so stupid as to think he and his girlfriend haven'thad sex. I know they have, but they've also been stupid enough to get caught!
Because my son has a huge and loving family we dealt with this reality in a loving and mature way. We talked to him about the realities of engaging in sex. HER family on the other hand took a less mature approach. They forbade her from seeing my son, or ANY of her friends for an entire summer!
OUCH

Do you think that put out their desire to be together?
Heck no. As soon as her punishment was lifted, they were back together. Granted, not ever allowed to be alone together for any length of time...
But her parents and my partner and I did have a sit down and we both aired our concerns about the kids.

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americanwoman

I would vote other- when that person is emotionally ready and informed about safe sex. I think I lost mine too young and I'm sorry I did. I also think parents need not shy away from talking to their kids so they don't make a mistake like that.

mixedmedia

I agree with americanwoman....it's not so much age, although preferably I think one should be at least 18 and living independently. I started having sex much too early as well, and while I was certain I was mature enough to handle it (and socially I was mature for my age), emotionally I was not equipped to handle it. Love and lust and the resulting consequences, both good and bad, that come with being intimate with someone are very powerful and young minds are usually not equipped to process them rationally. There are probably rare exceptions though....

And that said, I don't think sex at young ages necessarily causes a lot of damage....just that it isn't ideal. Young people should be young. With sex comes a lot of adult baggage - anxieties, worries, concerns, fears.

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Underneath the concrete, The dream is still alive
A hundred million lifetimes, A world that never dies - Talking Heads, City of Dreams

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FallingPianos

she had lots of friends, but no one wanted to date her sinse she was so much younger, even though they all admitted that she acted their age rather than her own. she had no interest in dating the people her own age.

in middle school that would make sense, but I'm talking about highschool. I would be very cautious about making such an assumption at that age.

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FallingPianos

so tell me, is catching your kids in the act as embassasing as having your parents catch you?

off topic, but i've always wondered...

and I agree that most 17 year olds arent ready. even if they're responsible enough to use protection (many aren't), many arent emotionally mature enough to be able to deal with how that effects ones relationships and whatnot.

FallingPianos

another side to this, is that some people wont learn how powerful those consequences are until they mess up with someone, no matter how old they are. I think that if someone is mature enough to be responsible, and mature enough that messing up wouldnt be a tramatic experience, its better to let them learn from their own mistakes.

FallingPianos

no grandchildren for you.

mikhail

i dunno what does emotionally ready mean i wanted to have sex when i was like 14 with someone who wanted to and BAM 2yrs later there was.

But to be honest im sure one day i will feel ive met the love of my life and obvously it would be nice if i could have lost my virginity to her but then i would have wondered about other girls.

Everyone makes mistakes they learn from in many aspects of their life but nobody really has that much control over their children and if they do there is something quite disturbing about that.

mixedmedia

Absolutely, but there is nothing wrong with sharing a little learned wisdom. Not that I'm under any illusion that advice is often taken, most especially by teens. I know I wasn't listening....

FallingPianos

I think teens listen more than parents give them credit for, and more than they realize themselves. My parents telling me not to have premarital sex didnt stop me from eventually doing so, but it did stop me from doing so when I would have been too young to handle it.

of course, in highschool I didnt think I was listening to my parents advise at all, because they didnt even want me kissing unless it was nothing more than a peck.