Thread: Why Do People Choose to Have Children?

That basic instinct to reproduce is there for the purpose of avoiding extinction. I think it has just become a habit in society to reproduce, have kids, raise them and nurture them and so on; it's something that makes a lot of people happy.

Actually, the latest research I've read on "happiness" indicates that the biggest indicator/predictor of happiness is whether or not one has children, but not in the way one might expect.
Those who have children report markedly less happiness and satisfaction in life than those who don't.
The latest of these studies (there have been several) came out only a few months ago; I recall reading about it in the NY Times.

Then again, who really knows what happiness is? Perhaps everyone defines it differently.
Maybe it's possible that parents simultaneously have less happiness in life, but richer, more fulfilling lives.



I do agree that having children is a selfish choice (unless you're doing so only because you believe in reincarnation and wish to provide corporeal homes for disembodied spirits or something).
But "selfishness" doesn't have the same negative connotations for me as it seems to for other people.
I'm very aware of when I'm being altruistic (possibly because I was raised to be aware of it).
And all the rest of the time, I'm being selfish. And that's just fine.


Children and Happiness - Generally Thinking Psychology Blog
A Fertile Criticism of Happiness Research?, Bryan Caplan | EconLog | Library of Economics and Liberty
The Happiness Project: Do your children make you happy? Some research says NO. I say YES.
Kids bring happiness, right? Not always | Ohio Family Law Blog
The Effect of Children on Happiness: The Latest from the Research Frontier, Bryan Caplan | EconLog | Library of Economics and Liberty
Are We Happy Yet? - Pew Research Center

Too tired to do good research tonight; google the terms "happiness research study children" and you'll see lots of references to the numerous studies which point to the conclusion that having children decreases people's overall satisfaction with and pleasure in life.

I just realized how funny it is that I'm defending the selfless act of planning children - even though I didn't plan any of mine. The only reason why I have children is because I wanted a damn orgasm.

Given the personal sacrifice involved, having children is one of the most selfless decisions a person can make. That parents find joy in this decision does not change this - people who do good things usually do good things to feel good about themselves (regardless of what they think the reason is). Overpopulation is a myth, there's tons of unpopulated land that we still don't have any need for, and necessary resources are not running out any time soon.

Frankly, people who make deeply personal decisions based on an ideological or political stance are, IMO, deeply troubled and deluded people.

The act of parenting is a selfless act, but the decision to become a parent is selfish, in my opinion. The reason why I brought up overpopulation is not because I thought we need to stop conceiving, but instead to give evidence that we no longer conceive or have the desire to conceive in order to keep our kind non-extinct. I agree we have plenty of recourses for people and future people, I never argued that we don’t; but would you say if we stopped conceiving today we would be in danger of going extinct? No, absolutely not, so it is therefore correct to say that we no longer conceive to avoid becoming extinct.

So in your view, having a child is a good deed? I would have to disagree. I don’t think it’s a good deed or a bad deed. I think people who want to have children do so because they think it will make them happy, therefore it becomes a selfish act, in my opinion. Selfish defined means an act of which you do for yourself, for the benefit of yourself. Making the decision to have a child because you think it will make you happy is a selfish act because it is an act that you are doing for yourself, for the benefit of yourself not someone else.

Actually, the latest research I've read on "happiness" indicates that the biggest indicator/predictor of happiness is whether or not one has children, but not in the way one might expect.Those who have children report markedly less happiness and satisfaction in life than those who don't. The latest of these studies (there have been several) came out only a few months ago; I recall reading about it in the NY Times.Then again, who really knows what happiness is? Perhaps everyone defines it differently.
Maybe it's possible that parents simultaneously have less happiness in life, but richer, more fulfilling lives.

Very interesting! People don’t know the outcome of having a child, just like we don’t know the outcome of how we will feel in 10 years about a job, and so on, so what I was referring to was that people think they will be happy, but there really is no way to actually tell if they will or if they won’t be.

I do agree that having children is a selfish choice (unless you're doing so only because you believe in reincarnation and wish to provide corporeal homes for disembodied spirits or something). But "selfishness" doesn't have the same negative connotations for me as it seems to for other people. I'm very aware of when I'm being altruistic (possibly because I was raised to be aware of it). And all the rest of the time, I'm being selfish. And that's just fine.

Yes I agree, not in all cases is it a selfish act, I’m just generally speaking. People do selfish acts on a daily basis that do not have negative outcomes. Being selfish doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a bad thing, many people just assume that’s the case. For example, you decide to learn how to play the drums, is that selfish? Yes. Is that a bad thing? No.

I just realized how funny it is that I'm defending the selfless act of planning children - even though I didn't plan any of mine. The only reason why I have children is because I wanted a damn orgasm.

Haha, if you believe it’s not selfish you have every right to debate with me.

but instead to give evidence that we no longer conceive or have the desire to conceive in order to keep our kind non-extinct.

It's more about continuing YOUR genetics - not preserving and continuing someone else's genetic line. If you look at it in the 'survival of the fittest' means - then it plays intricately into that. the number of children that an unknown individual has in another part of the world plays no part into your subconscious drive and natural imperative - to continue your genetic line.

You can try to ignore this fact of life all you want, but it is still a fact. Free will, self-control and other values affect when, how and why we decide to be parents/not be parents - but the drive to further one or many genetic lines and our species is there and always will be.

You cannot undo or erase instinct.

Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker

It's more about continuing YOUR genetics - not preserving and continuing someone else's genetic line. If you look at it in the 'survival of the fittest' means - then it plays intricately into that. the number of children that an unknown individual has in another part of the world plays no part into your subconscious drive and natural imperative - to continue your genetic line.

You can try to ignore this fact of life all you want, but it is still a fact. Free will, self-control and other values affect when, how and why we decide to be parents/not be parents - but the drive to further one or many genetic lines and our species is there and always will be.

You cannot undo or erase instinct.

Instincts are things that animals do without being taught, and all of the animals of a species do it. The common example is one bird that builds a spherical nest...even if it's raised in captivity and never meets another bird, it still builds the same shape nest. There's no behavior that all humans do without fail and without being taught - from reproduction, to sheltering themselves, even survival and walking upright - all are learned behaviors.

Culturally-induced desires can be so strong that they seem to be biological, but no evolutionary mechanism for an instinct to breed exists. Why do we stop breeding after we’ve had as many as we want? If the instinct is to reproduce, how are so many of us able to over ride it? There are too many who have never felt that urge.

Looking to our evolutionary roots, imagine Homo erectus feeling the urge to create a new human. He then has to understand that a cavewoman is needed, sexual intercourse must be engaged in, and they will have to wait nine months.

Considering how often our species has the urge for sex, it’s likely human sexuality serves primarily a pair-bonding function rather than procreative. Human infants are vulnerable for so long that their survival, in prehistoric times, may have depended on a strong pair bond between parents. Bonobos, perhaps our closest biological relative, are reported to engage in sex for social reasons more than for reproductive reasons. Humans have the biological urge to have sex not to reproduce.

Ask anyone who wants or wanted to have a child what their reasoning was and let me know if any answer you get is related to instinct or shows that it was an instinct; I doubt you will find one.

Who says people ever stop *wanting* to have children?

I've had my tubes tied because I can't *handle* another pregnancy but quite often I actually do still *want* to have another child even though the very notion is ridiculous. . . even though I already have 4 well rounded children and live on a tight budget because of it, even though there are a lot of logical reasons for me *not* to have kids - doesn't mean I still don't *want* to have them.

Like I said - we are more complicated than other species and we have a unique ability to fight instinct or to control it so it's more beneficial for us when we follow through with it.

Who says people ever stop *wanting* to have children?

I've had my tubes tied because I can't *handle* another pregnancy but quite often I actually do still *want* to have another child even though the very notion is ridiculous. . . even though I already have 4 well rounded children and live on a tight budget because of it, even though there are a lot of logical reasons for me *not* to have kids - doesn't mean I still don't *want* to have them.

I know plenty of people who have had one child and that’s all they wanted, my parents had my sister and I and that’s all they wanted. You can’t possibly tell me you would have an endless amount of children and that’s what you would have wanted, there has to be a point where you and everyone else says “ok no more”, and the fact that everyone’s “ok no more” varies shows us that it’s not instinct that tells us to stop, it’s reasoning and preference. How often do you hear from younger females, “I want two children, a boy and a girl; I want three children, all girls” so-on. There’s no instinct telling them they need to have 2 or 3, it’s reasoning and preference that leads them to that desirable result.

Like I said - we are more complicated than other species and we have a unique ability to fight instinct or to control it so it's more beneficial for us when we follow through with it.

So in your view to have a child is the right decision and to not have a child is the wrong decision?

Ok - so they have *one* child . . . which they wanted, and they didn't want anymore.

Instinct didn't' play the slightest roll in wanting that *one* child?

Originally Posted by Aunt Spiker

Ok - so they have *one* child . . . which they wanted, and they didn't want anymore.

Instinct didn't' play the slightest roll in wanting that *one* child?

In my opinion no. I think most people have a reason to want children and a reason to not want children, if instinct was the reason for people wanting children then it would be the sole reason people would want children and everyone would want children. It's for selfish reasons that people want children, in my opinion.

Originally Posted by amyk629

In my opinion no. I think most people have a reason to want children and a reason to not want children, if instinct was the reason for people wanting children then it would be the sole reason people would want children and everyone would want children. It's for selfish reasons that people want children, in my opinion.

Oh good heavens!

Your logic makes no sense - how can we "breed" out instinct? . . . don't answer that, your thoughts on this make little sense.