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How to Treat a Submissive Woman

Seems to me that the only way such a relationship could work is if BOTH people were into it. If one wants to be dominated and the other is only acting the role of dominant, I would think the relationship would tire fast. Her line about other men not giving her what she wanted should be the tipoff that other men probably TRIED to give her what she wanted, but since their heart wasn't in it, neither was hers.
 
Seems to me that the only way such a relationship could work is if BOTH people were into it. If one wants to be dominated and the other is only acting the role of dominant, I would think the relationship would tire fast. Her line about other men not giving her what she wanted should be the tipoff that other men probably TRIED to give her what she wanted, but since their heart wasn't in it, neither was hers.

Could be. I have no problem dominating her and I think I can develop a knack for it. I'm realizing early that being dominate is not akin to being a jerk. She wants to be dominated, not mistreated.

If it works out, great! If not, it's just another life experience. Anway, I'll give it a go and I'll let ya all know how it works...or doesn't. :2wave:
 
Keep in mind I'm mostly just going off the dynamics of my relationship with my girlfriend here...

I think I'm getting the hang of what she wants me to be, but I know I'm not there yet and have much more to learn. While I'm new at all of this, I don't think the D/s thing is necessarily much different, powerwise anyway, than the bible's instructions that the wife be obedient to her husband. She wants to be dominated, not beaten and abused. She wants a good man to take care of her, to teach her and guide her. I will attempt to be all of those for her because that is what she needs.
The difference is that when a woman submits due to the bible's instructions, it's more of filling the role she's expected to, like a duty or something. A sub's obedience is more of a freely given gift. She chooses of her own free will to submit because she wants to, not because she should.
 
Gardener said:
Seems to me that the only way such a relationship could work is if BOTH people were into it. If one wants to be dominated and the other is only acting the role of dominant, I would think the relationship would tire fast. Her line about other men not giving her what she wanted should be the tipoff that other men probably TRIED to give her what she wanted, but since their heart wasn't in it, neither was hers.

Yeah, that is very true. I dated a girl for a while that eventually told me she was a "sub" (I just thought she was indecisive for a while). I'm really not dominant as a whole, so things just kind of faded out. It wasn't anything major. Mostly things like if I was in the mood, I'd rub her shoulders or stroke her back in a suggestive manner as opposed to just grabbing her knees and saying "c'mon baby let's f*ck". If we went out to eat and she asked where, I'd just say "I don't know, what do you think?".

I had no idea what being a dom was all about. Was it just invoking my will all the time? Was it saying endearing stuff like "lick my boots, bitch"? Was it smacking her hard on the ass when I was going balls deep? Seriously, I didn't read the manual on this. Eventually we just wanted different things and moved on.

You have to know the culture. If not, it's confusing as hell.
 
Keep in mind I'm mostly just going off the dynamics of my relationship with my girlfriend here...

The difference is that when a woman submits due to the bible's instructions, it's more of filling the role she's expected to, like a duty or something. A sub's obedience is more of a freely given gift. She chooses of her own free will to submit because she wants to, not because she should.

Understood.

I was raised in a very conservative, sheltered, Catholic home. I was an altar boy. :mrgreen: So, in reading up on the D/s thing I couldn't help but think what all of the religous right (where I come from) would think. :shock: So, I was trying to make the analogy that it's about a woman (usually, I guess) submitting to her man (again, usually a man, I think :)) and that it's not much different than a wife submitting to her husband as it instructs in the bible. Maybe it wasn't such a great analogy but now you know where I was coming from. ;)
 
Yeah, that is very true. I dated a girl for a while that eventually told me she was a "sub" (I just thought she was indecisive for a while). I'm really not dominant as a whole, so things just kind of faded out. It wasn't anything major. Mostly things like if I was in the mood, I'd rub her shoulders or stroke her back in a suggestive manner as opposed to just grabbing her knees and saying "c'mon baby let's f*ck". If we went out to eat and she asked where, I'd just say "I don't know, what do you think?".

I had no idea what being a dom was all about. Was it just invoking my will all the time? Was it saying endearing stuff like "lick my boots, bitch"? Was it smacking her hard on the ass when I was going balls deep? Seriously, I didn't read the manual on this. Eventually we just wanted different things and moved on.

You have to know the culture. If not, it's confusing as hell.

:lol: Dude, that's funny as hell...and so true. I think most of us men are taught to treat potential mates as equals and to ask them what they want, etc. But if you're talking to a sub (or closet sub) that's the worst thing you can do, that is, if you want the relationship to continue. At least, that's my early impression based on all the reading I've been doing on the world-wide-perv. :2razz::lol:
 
:lol: Dude, that's funny as hell...and so true. I think most of us men are taught to treat potential mates as equals and to ask them what they want, etc. But if you're talking to a sub (or closet sub) that's the worst thing you can do, that is, if you want the relationship to continue. At least, that's my early impression based on all the reading I've been doing on the world-wide-perv. :2razz::lol:

That's not neccessarily true. It's important to understand what they want at least initially. it's not all about controlling them, it's about them letting you control them.
 
Hence the "confusing as hell" thing.

A good Dom knows, understands,and accepts that the ultimate power lies with the submissive. They are *granted* their 'power' by the will of the submissive and it can be revoked at any moment.
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Introduce her to Jerry.
 
A good Dom knows, understands,and accepts that the ultimate power lies with the submissive. They are *granted* their 'power' by the will of the submissive and it can be revoked at any moment.

So would you agree with what I said, that it's all about the sub in the end?
 
Understood.

I was raised in a very conservative, sheltered, Catholic home. I was an altar boy. :mrgreen: So, in reading up on the D/s thing I couldn't help but think what all of the religous right (where I come from) would think. :shock: So, I was trying to make the analogy that it's about a woman (usually, I guess) submitting to her man (again, usually a man, I think :)) and that it's not much different than a wife submitting to her husband as it instructs in the bible. Maybe it wasn't such a great analogy but now you know where I was coming from. ;)

Yeah, be careful there...there are quite a few D/s relationships in the same-sex world as well.
I do see where you were coming from, and you were corrected appropriately. It is more of a "gift" than her duty. She can and will revoke that "gift" immediately if in anyway mistreated or misunderstood or feels unsafe or bored. If she has said she wants to be your "slave" well that's a bit different than just a submissive. Its more intense. Its much more than merely being submissive, it's being completely controlled. Told when to move, how to move, when to walk, sit, stand, lay down...even pee. There's a higher level of trust and control in a D/slave relationship, one I'm not even comfortable talking about because I'm way too headstrong to give away that much control over my entire being.
I have had some experience in the submissive role, but not as a lifestyle choice.
To me, it's fine in the bedroom once in a while...but I don't knock those who do choose to live that way. It's their choice and it's what makes them feel good about themselves. Ok, no harm, no fowl.
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

It sounds like your not dom by nature so I don't know. Give it a shot if you think you'll both like it.
 
These women are more trouble than they are worth. Run like a scalded dog.
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

First, she may not have been completely truthful w/you about the S & M. If just serving a guy was what she wanted, she would've said so in her original ad; you wouldn't have had to have heard about it from subsequent email exchanges.

My hunch is that she didn't reveal her fantasies in her ad is because she really likes you, and wants you to dominate her.

If you're planning on an LTR, all the rules of such any other LTR apply (sacrifice, faithfulness, etc.). On top of that, just treat her the way you want to treat her. But DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask her how she wants to be treated. That will undermine the S & M aspect of the relationship for good.
 
:lol: Dude, that's funny as hell...and so true. I think most of us men are taught to treat potential mates as equals and to ask them what they want, etc. But if you're talking to a sub (or closet sub) that's the worst thing you can do, that is, if you want the relationship to continue. At least, that's my early impression based on all the reading I've been doing on the world-wide-perv. :2razz::lol:

Actually, yes you do treat them as equals in many ways. Look up the submissive bill of rights and study that. It's very informative. Also, if you two are getting into this lifestyle, go to some local munches and meet others in the lifestyle. It's a great place to get some good advice, as well as learn about all the varity there is.

If you're planning on an LTR, all the rules of such any other LTR apply (sacrifice, faithfulness, etc.). On top of that, just treat her the way you want to treat her. But DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, ask her how she wants to be treated. That will undermine the S & M aspect of the relationship for good.

WRONG!!!! Yes that may work for some with the "slave" mentality, but not even all of them. There are things called "hard limits" that a Dom(me)/Master/Mistress does not violate, ever, unless the sub/slave has a change of heart and moves the act from "hard limit" to "soft limit". There are many good checklist online where the two of you can rate activities and determine if you want to do them or not. Even Masters have hard limits. I for one will not do watersports (look it up if you don't know what it is).

BTW, it's the D/s aspect (Dominance submission) not the SM (sadism masochism) aspect that you're thinking of.

SO since you last post was back in April of last year, how are things going?
 
A resurrected post...it's very interesting....

But from a gal who's not into that kinda' thing, I have to ask: "Who's really dominating who here??"

Outsider lookin' in, here's a woman who's going to tell her man exactly how she expects him to behave...which, let's face it, is really contrary to most guys' personalities. Sounds like the OP is a monkey about to be trained by the organ grinder. :rofl

If it's just in the bedroom, well, that I can somewhat understand, if it's a good match. But if someone expected me to live my life as a character in his/her play, honestly? I'd be, like, **** off, my friend.

It also occurs to me that there is a safety and self-preservation aspect to this possible relationship. Never met 'er...wants to play rough...I think I'd want a bodyguard or a witness if I was this guy...
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

If she truly is into kink and you want to take good care of her you should read a book entitled, "Playing well with others" by Lee Harrington. Hopefully you are still together because having a sub/slave is extremely rewarding if you can handle the responsibility.

Master Robert
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Run away....quickly.

Unless you are already into the dominant aggressive male role....you wont be able to pull it off to her preference. And you will hate yourself for trying.
 
It's been my experience that most men today prefer to be dominated by their woman... leaving very few actual Doms to go around.

Pity, too... lots of strong women are interested in a D/s relationship. Something about playing a totally opposite role in your off time is very appealing. Too bad there aren't more capable partners. ;)
 
Run away....quickly.

Unless you are already into the dominant aggressive male role....you wont be able to pull it off to her preference. And you will hate yourself for trying.

This thread apparently won't die. :lol:

D/s is not always aggressive. Some Dom/mes never strike anyone. It depends on their style, and the sub they're with.

When it comes to male Doms, there is certainly some cultural training to get over, but that's true of both sexes of subs as well in a culture that tends to look at pleasing negatively.

For straight male Doms, there is of course years of voices in their heads saying, "Women are equals" and "Don't hit women," and initially, that is perceived as being at odds with being a Dom. It really isn't.

A sub is an equal. They are, in fact, defining most of the relationship with their limits and needs. They have a particular way they express desire or love, and they do so by being willing or desiring to please. A Dom is just a counterpart to that -- usually what they offer is care and very fine level attention. Just because they aren't expressing those things in exactly the same way doesn't make one above the other. It really isn't all that different from leaders or followers in any other aspect of life. And despite the way we tend to look down on followers, we really shouldn't. Followers are the ones who vet the leaders, and a good follower is essentially pruning society for ideas or visions that are worth following, and those that are not. That's incredibly important for directing society. A leader by themselves is just an idea without any wheels. And we need ideas, but they won't work without people to enact them.

The connotation of "Don't hit women" is "Don't abuse women." If a sub wants to be spanked or whatever, they want it because it does something enjoyable for them -- perhaps psychological, or perhaps actually physical. Some people have a lot of overlap between pleasure and pain. No one is being abused.

This is something that definitely takes a while for some men to get over, but there's no reason to hate yourself for it.

Yup, some people just aren't built for this kind of relationship at all. But I certainly don't think it's something someone should automatically run away from if they're curious. And even if it winds up not being for you, it can still teach you things about the way you look at people and relationships by putting yourself in what is really quite a subversive way of interacting with all the gender hang-ups we still have.
 
Not only a zombie thread, but a delightfully kinky zombie thread.

Nice. :lol:

edit:

"Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power." - Oscar Wilde
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

Seems to me that if you have to ask,it ain't gonna work.

She will want the real thing and not a reasonable facsimile thereof.
 
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