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How to Treat a Submissive Woman

OrlandoGringo

Active member
Joined
Feb 1, 2010
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Gender
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Political Leaning
Libertarian
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!


First thing you've got to find out is, whether she wants to do the dom/sub thing in the bedroom only, or whether she wants to live that way on a daily basis. BIG diff.

Restaurant: ask her if she'd like for you to order for her. If you do order for her, it would be highly advisable that you already know what she likes.

Make sure you know what you're getting into. :mrgreen:
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

The first order of business is to find out what she charges, per hour.

;)
 
This is the perfect chance to make some great stories that can be told in bars for years.
 
First thing you've got to find out is, whether she wants to do the dom/sub thing in the bedroom only, or whether she wants to live that way on a daily basis. BIG diff.

Restaurant: ask her if she'd like for you to order for her. If you do order for her, it would be highly advisable that you already know what she likes.

Make sure you know what you're getting into. :mrgreen:

Good idea!
 
The first order of business is to find out what she charges, per hour.

;)

Ah, you're just jealous. Besides, only suckers pay for it. On the contrary, she's BEGGING to "take care of me" all day, every day.
 
You need to do some reading up on the whole Dom/Sub culture and find out what your own limits are and if you're even cut out for being a Dom. Not everyone is.
It's not a violence or angry thing, it's something that come from a place of love and respect. You have to respect someone you Dominate in order to be a succesful Dom. The most important thing is TRUST and COMMUNICATION. Don't ever forget those...

There are some really great places on the web to find more info about the "Dom/sub" culture:

Official Website of Dr. Gloria G. Brame

Castle Realm was good but it's down, has been for a few years now...but it was one of the best SM learning sites.

Castle Realm

Play safe, be happy...
 
Thank you JustineCredible! :2wave:
 
HA! I wasn't the first poster, so NEENER on all of you!
 
I recently met, online, a really hip woman who loves football and seems really down to earth. In our subsequent email exchanges she revealed to me that she has always wanted a man to dominate her and that her greatest desire is to please. We've had some pretty steamy exchanges. :mrgreen: However, I'm a newbie to this Dominant/Submissive stuff and so I know she wants me to "dominate" her, but I'm not used to it. I could be, I guess. The sex sure sounds awesome and, like I said, she seems pretty hip outside the bedroom too. So, I think we might click. I'd like to give her what she wants, but I'm not sure how. If we go out to eat do I tell her what she's eating? I know that sounds, well, terrible, but I suspect she would be turned on by it and wants me to do exactly that, but I'm not sure.

Any advice or links would be greatly appreciated. Thanks in advance!

All folks are different, and as long as you both keep the lines of communication open and tell each other what works, what doesn't, what's off limits, and what's desired, then it should work out just fine.

If you're not comfortable in the position she wants you to be in, though, you need to recognize that and voice it. There's nothing wrong with that. If you're just a little nervous, or insecure, that will change with time as long as she is receptive to what you do.

With regard to your dinner out question, I'd maybe ask her what she thinks she'd like and order for her, but not necessarily force her to eat what YOU want. You know?

And, as someone else suggested, you need to define her submissive boundries. I am a bedroom submissive and any bossing around outside of that venue is only going to piss me off. Unless... it's foreplay. And a couple that is in tune and familiar with one another can tell the difference. There are many women, however, that want to be and are submissive as a lifestyle and want to have a partner in that. You need to find where the boundries are. If she wants to be what is commonly considered a 'slave' in the BDSM world, then you actually have a pretty lengthy conversation and learning process ahead of you.

For many, many women and men though, the submissive thing is a *sexual* thing. That's what you guys need to define first and foremost.

If she's more of a bedroom or sexual submissive, you still need to find the boundries and determine what's liked and what isn't. Does she like some pain? Are YOU okay with that if she does? Does she want to be verbally dominated, or physically as well? Does she want to be humiliated, or made to feel desired? There are many many questions that need to be asked and answered. I could even point you to a checklist of kinks that each of you could fill out and return to one another and/or talk about online or on the phone. It would be very enlightening for both of you to know what you've done, what you'd like to try, what you'd REALLY like to try and what is an absolute no go.

Also, safe words are key, you should set one asap. Something neither of you would say during the act normally. I personally use "red" due to its association with "stop".

I could give you all sorts of suggestions of what to do that might turn her on, but they would be based on what I like and what I like may not be what she likes. LOL
 
We met on a common, nationally known dating site. She contacted me and we had pretty normal email exchanges. We opened up some about sex and then it took off. I was very upfront and open, but not in a "creep" kind of way. :mrgreen: She began expressing her desire to be dominated by a man and said she'd never been able to stay in a relationship with a man because none of them could give her what she wanted. She is in her late 30's and is a school teacher. She is smart, articulate and I have loved our conversations.

I think I'm getting the hang of what she wants me to be, but I know I'm not there yet and have much more to learn. While I'm new at all of this, I don't think the D/s thing is necessarily much different, powerwise anyway, than the bible's instructions that the wife be obedient to her husband. She wants to be dominated, not beaten and abused. She wants a good man to take care of her, to teach her and guide her. I will attempt to be all of those for her because that is what she needs.

At the same time, I want to be able to have some elements of "normalcy". I think we can, I just have to get used to the idea that she wants that I dominate her and not treated as an "equal". In her mind, we are not and I guess it would just turn her off if I started treating her in the way that I was taught to treat women, as equals. Of course, I will only dominate her because she has consented to it, she wants it and, she would probably tell you, she needs it.

Still, I am recently divorced and my totally non-submissive :blastem: ex-wife was never the best friend I always wanted her to be. So, I've wanted to find a woman who could understand how to be and wanted to be my best friend.

In this new relationship, it seems I have a woman who wants to totally surrender herself to me, who wants to be my lover and, I suppose, my friend. Like me, she too really enjoys football. In her discussions she could put a lot of male football fans to shame, seriously. She knows her stuff! We both have and love dogs. In earlier emails we learned a lot about each other and we just seem to really click.

In a lot of ways this seems too good to be true.

The thing that I want most, though, is that she love me for me. And if I'm playing this role as her dominant, is she going to love me or my dominate alter-ego? If my dog dies and I cry, will that be a turnoff? What will turn her off?

Life is sometimes strange. My ex-wife is very cold, rigid, stubborn and, perhaps, frigid. My new "girlfriend" is the polar opposite. She has written me lengthy emails in perverted detail of all of the things that she would like to do to me to "please" me, etc. It's really incredible. However, my hope is that we are compatible and can have a deep and meaningful relationship culminating in marriage and children, which she has stated she wants very much.

Thank you again for all of the excellent advice and I apprecate any quality feedback. :)
 
This is how it's always seemed to me, I don't know if this holds true for other doms. Some thoughts. I use "she" for the sub, but it could be for a male sub too, i'm sure.:


The dirty little secret is that, even though you're the master, and you have her at your complete mercy, and you can do whatever you damned well want to her, and she'll do anything to please you, it's not about you. It's about her. She is the toy that's being played with. If you punish her or reward her, it's because of something SHE did. If you tell her to do something, it's an active task for her to do. She gives you the power and authority to dominate her, it's up to you to use the power.

Since she's given you that control, it's up to you to use it how she wants you to use it. That doesn't mean you ask her during sex what she wants, that would be a huge turn off for her. But you sit down before hand and ask her how she wants to be treated during sex... does she want it soft or does she want it rough. Does she want to be called baby and sweetie, or does she want to be told she's your dirty worthless whore? Does she want to give you feedback during sex, or does she want to be completely ravished? The most important thing is that you figure out what she wants, and what you want, and how the two of you can achieve that.

Also remember, if she wants you to dominate her, she is giving you a LOT of trust. Keep in mind where the boundries are, and try not to cross them, that would ruin the trust and make her less willing to be submissive for you, which would make her unhappy.

These are just some thoughts of mine as someone that's newly getting deep into a S/M relationship. Take them for what they're worth.
 
Orlando, has she said she wants to be submissive sexually, or in the everyday?
 
By the way, the thing I left out is that she seems to be a lifestyle submissive. She has already told me that she wants to be my "slave".

On the lighter side, if you have read any of my posts you may see that I tend to be a little right of center. Basically, I believe government should stay out of our lives, spend less, do less and let us keep more of our money. On foreign affairs, however, I think we should be vigilant and proactive not just to protect our interests, but to better the world.

In our email exchanges we briefly touched on foreign affairs. Since I hadn't told her I was a Liberterian I believe she thought I was a Republican. She later, almost apologetically, disclosed that she is a Democrat. She seemed worried. Of course, this is after numerous steamy and explicit emails from her telling me exactly what she would beg me to let her do to me. :shock: So, I wrote her back and told her she could be a Nazi and it would ok with me. :mrgreen::lol:
 
Doesn't matter if she's submissive unless she knows how to cook.

AND I LOVE YOU RIVRRAT. :mrgreen:
 
Doesn't matter if she's submissive unless she knows how to cook.

AND I LOVE YOU RIVRRAT. :mrgreen:

Actually, she says she's a damn good cook. Her family used to own a restaurant. I feel like a really lucky guy about to get his kink on bigtime! :mrgreen:
 
Go for it. Even if it doesn't work out, you get some good sex, a few home cooked meals, and a clean apartment. I see no downside.

Just meet at a motel the first time. If something sounds too good to be true, it usually is. Don't want to wake up on the floor of your place with a throbbing headache and your stereo nowhere to be seen.
 
By the way, the thing I left out is that she seems to be a lifestyle submissive. She has already told me that she wants to be my "slave".
Okay, well, my experience and wealth of knowledge does not extend into that realm. :lol:

hiswoman will have to assist you further in that, most likely.

That said, I will of course still send you the requested information. ;)


Doesn't matter if she's submissive unless she knows how to cook.

AND I LOVE YOU RIVRRAT. :mrgreen:
:2razz:
 
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