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Do you chase a girl who will leave in a year and a half?

idea_steed said:
Here is the thing, I think the girl who I just met is really good and attractive. We are having great conversations, sharing personal experiences and feelings with each other just like good friends. I think I have a chance. But, I discover that she plans to leave in a year and half.
If you were me, what would you do? Stay friends, be better friends or try to make her your girlfriend?
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you could Get her pregnant. ''my babies mom'' sort of thing
 
Don't chase a woman anywhere. There is a ladder scale of priorities, if you are chasing, you aren't on the ladder.
 
cpwill said:
A) What is ya'lls ages
B) Leaving Where (Distance wise)
C) Leaving for What
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She is a junior who wants to go to the grad school far away from where we are now.
As I calm down, I find that my chance is actually slim. She opens her heart to me probably because she is bored.
 
Jack Fabulous said:
The vast majority of relationships don't last nearly that long.

If, right out of the blocks, you're thinking of marrying this woman and spending the rest of your life with her, then you are getting WAAAAAAYYYY to far ahead of yourself.
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Last week I really fantasized about her a lot. Now I calm down and start to take it easy rather than talk too much. Let her gradually know me. Any unnecessary pressure will probably ruin our relationship, be it friendship or a romantic one.
 
Bootlace said:
Don't chase a woman anywhere. There is a ladder scale of priorities, if you are chasing, you aren't on the ladder.
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Yea, I know. If you try too hard, the other one may not cherish what you do. Kick back and relax. Things may be smooth.
 
idea_steed said:
She is a junior who wants to go to the grad school far away from where we are now.
As I calm down, I find that my chance is actually slim. She opens her heart to me probably because she is bored.
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1. Grad School at that point is generally locked in, however, plans do change. Furthermore people who are making long-term plans around each other are capable of handling separation, and strengthening in it. You aren't in your parents house anymore, where where they move determines who you know and spend time with.

My wife and I were never co-located prior to a couple of months after we were married. Our entire relationship up to that point was distance; phone, skype, email, with me driving down over the weekends, etc. It wasn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination, but we were about your age at the time (I had just graduated and joined the Marines, she was still in college).

2. If you are making long term plans around each other at that point, its' not impossible you find a way to move there as well.

3. I'm not positive on what it means to open ones' heart because one is bored. If you honestly think she is looking to simply use and lose you, then, yeah, I wouldn't recommend that relationship under any circumstances. But if you aren't sure of that - I don't think the scheduled leave date is as big a hindrance as perhaps you do.
 
cpwill said:
1. Grad School at that point is generally locked in, however, plans do change. Furthermore people who are making long-term plans around each other are capable of handling separation, and strengthening in it. You aren't in your parents house anymore, where where they move determines who you know and spend time with.

My wife and I were never co-located prior to a couple of months after we were married. Our entire relationship up to that point was distance; phone, skype, email, with me driving down over the weekends, etc. It wasn't ideal by any stretch of the imagination, but we were about your age at the time (I had just graduated and joined the Marines, she was still in college).

2. If you are making long term plans around each other at that point, its' not impossible you find a way to move there as well.

3. I'm not positive on what it means to open ones' heart because one is bored. If you honestly think she is looking to simply use and lose you, then, yeah, I wouldn't recommend that relationship under any circumstances. But if you aren't sure of that - I don't think the scheduled leave date is as big a hindrance as perhaps you do.
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Thanks.
We keep talking a lot everyday and know more about each other. Last night she even chatted with me until midnight, telling me how much music means to her, blah blah blah. I usually go to bed at around 11 but after meeting her, I always stay up late.
According to what I have been told, she grew up with her divorced mother; she is an atheist who loves life and from time to time fears death; people think she is outgoing but she thinks she is not ---she either hangs out with good friends or just stay alone; She was dumped and deeply hurt half a year ago(I didn't dare to ask about the details. ), which is why she doesn't want a new relationship now.
She just feels so insecure.
Now I am kind of entering her heart as a friend. If later in life we are together but things don't go smoothly, it may do significant damage to such a sensitive and fragile girl. Sympathy for her is now growing and I want to protect her but I'm just not sure if I could do it in a right way.
Life is full of challenges and this is another one.
 
idea_steed said:
Here is the thing, I think the girl who I just met is really good and attractive. We are having great conversations, sharing personal experiences and feelings with each other just like good friends. I think I have a chance. But, I discover that she plans to leave in a year and half.
If you were me, what would you do? Stay friends, be better friends or try to make her your girlfriend?
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Been in this situation before. Girl I knew was planning on moving out of country. We had been hanging out and I just told her I know you are planning on leaving...we enjoy each other so lets enjoy it until then and we will see.
If she changes her mind and sticks around cool. If she doesn't at least it wasn't a surprise you knew it was going to happen. If she makes a big enough impression upon you maybe you can go with her too.
 
SocialD said:
Been in this situation before. Girl I knew was planning on moving out of country. We had been hanging out and I just told her I know you are planning on leaving...we enjoy each other so lets enjoy it until then and we will see.
If she changes her mind and sticks around cool. If she doesn't at least it wasn't a surprise you knew it was going to happen. If she makes a big enough impression upon you maybe you can go with her too.
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How did you two end up? Tell me your stories. I especially am interested in her attitude.
 
idea_steed said:
How did you two end up? Tell me your stories. I especially am interested in her attitude.
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In that particular situation, we had a good time for 4 or 5 months. She did end up moving, it was to Brazil. She came back to visit once but we sort of both moved on so it wasn't romantic at that point just friends. I don't have any bad feeling about it.
Sometimes it ends up just one live experience you have that adds to the sum of who you are. You can look back on it with good memories and look forward to more with another person. On the other hand maybe it will turn out to be something.
My gf right now is someone I had known years ago. we quit communicating for 4 1/2 years, she got married, he turned out to be disinterested in being together with her. she emailed me out of the blue after they had been apart for 3 years and was getting a divorce and now I am certain she will be the final relationship. even though it took almost 8 years after I met her the first time. in between , while being out of communication with her I knew others. .. you never know how things will turn out.
 
idea_steed said:
Any unnecessary pressure will probably ruin our relationship, be it friendship or a romantic one.
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Gotta disagree here. If you just let things play out without giving her the indication you're interested (and I mean a real indication not just subtle hints) then you're going to end up frustrated, and she might too. She's not a mind reader, and girls have insecurities about whether guys like them too.
 
Nilly said:
Gotta disagree here. If you just let things play out without giving her the indication you're interested (and I mean a real indication not just subtle hints) then you're going to end up frustrated, and she might too. She's not a mind reader, and girls have insecurities about whether guys like them too.
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Now we talk less each time but still keep doing it. Thanks for your advice, I will try to give her some more direct hints. With that being said, she isn't the priority and there are other options, some of whom are actually easier. Tomorrow I am going to hang out with another girl who is not as sensitive and insecure as she is.
 
SocialD said:
In that particular situation, we had a good time for 4 or 5 months. She did end up moving, it was to Brazil. She came back to visit once but we sort of both moved on so it wasn't romantic at that point just friends. I don't have any bad feeling about it.
Sometimes it ends up just one live experience you have that adds to the sum of who you are. You can look back on it with good memories and look forward to more with another person. On the other hand maybe it will turn out to be something.
My gf right now is someone I had known years ago. we quit communicating for 4 1/2 years, she got married, he turned out to be disinterested in being together with her. she emailed me out of the blue after they had been apart for 3 years and was getting a divorce and now I am certain she will be the final relationship. even though it took almost 8 years after I met her the first time. in between , while being out of communication with her I knew others. .. you never know how things will turn out.
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It is good to know that you two had fond memories to keep. Life is not a sprint but a stroll. Slow it down and enjoy it. Don't have too much expectations or anxiety. Seize the day.
 
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