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Dealing with touch

I am the least manipulative person you will ever meet.

Way too smart to play that game or let it be played.

WTF are you talking about? Are you suggesting that in your life there are only the extremes of someone following you around and being at your beck and call or the opposite that you follow someone else around and are at their beck and call? Well if that's what you're saying, I guess it aligns with much of your presentations here. You along with most of the conservative ilk seem to have difficulty with the idea that life isn't black or white but thousands of shades of grey.
 
WTF are you talking about? Are you suggesting that in your life there are only the extremes of someone following you around and being at your beck and call or the opposite that you follow someone else around and are at their beck and call? Well if that's what you're saying, I guess it aligns with much of your presentations here. You along with most of the conservative ilk seem to have difficulty with the idea that life isn't black or white but thousands of shades of grey.

How sad your misreadings are. They are growing to the proportion of false accusations now. Bye bye bebbe.
 
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How sad your misreading are. They are growing to the proportion of false accusations now. Bye bye bebbe.

Since I started with making it clear that your post makes no sense, I'm not misreading anything. It simply doesn't make sense. If my questions trying to understand it upset you, well then you're a bit too sissy for a debate forum, don't you think?
 
I think the feeling you get from skin to skin contact in general is very underrated.
 
What do you mean?
There was a period of my life where I was not a touchy person whether it be romantically, sexually, or casually. That has changed in the last year and I think it's something a lot of people take for granted. It's like 2+ ply toilet paper, you don't know how great it is until your university only gives you 1-ply.
 
There was a period of my life where I was not a touchy person whether it be romantically, sexually, or casually. That has changed in the last year and I think it's something a lot of people take for granted. It's like 2+ ply toilet paper, you don't know how great it is until your university only gives you 1-ply.

Oh, that is an interesting analogy. What made you change your mind about touching? Anything, or anyone, specifically? Sorry if that is too personal. Of course you don't have to say anything. I am seriously interested in this, though.
 
Oh, that is an interesting analogy. What made you change your mind about touching? Anything, or anyone, specifically? Sorry if that is too personal. Of course you don't have to say anything. I am seriously interested in this, though.
For the first eighteen years of my life, I never kissed anyone, I rarely hugged anyone, even my family. Rarely held anyone. Then I went to a party college with a friendlier, more promiscuous culture and suddenly touching of all kinds became a bigger part of my life.
 
For the first eighteen years of my life, I never kissed anyone, I rarely hugged anyone, even my family. Rarely held anyone. Then I went to a party college with a friendlier, more promiscuous culture and suddenly touching of all kinds became a bigger part of my life.

So, there wasn't any one real trigger? Did you just get used to it? Was it something you desired before college? Or was it something you purposefully avoided before then?

Sorry, that was a whole bunch of questions, one right after the other.
 
So, there wasn't any one real trigger? Did you just get used to it? Was it something you desired before college? Or was it something you purposefully avoided before then?

Sorry, that was a whole bunch of questions, one right after the other.
It's not that I avoided it, but it just kinda didn't happen. I definitely desired it, but I was definitely used to the whole "forever alone" mentality.
 
It's not that I avoided it, but it just kinda didn't happen. I definitely desired it, but I was definitely used to the whole "forever alone" mentality.

Yeah, that makes sense. It does. Thanks for putting up with my little Alyssa Inquisition in here!
 
I love getting a massage, and it makes me feel so relaxed. The problem is whoever is giving me the massage always tells me to relax, and that I am too tense. It never feels that way, though. Can't remember the last time I let someone give me one now, just because that bothered me.
To me the way they touch is intimate and that would be awkward with a stranger.
 
To me the way they touch is intimate and that would be awkward with a stranger.

I get it. Yep. There must be something inside my brain that automatically tenses up my muscles when getting a massage, even though I think I am relaxed and certainly believe I'm enjoying it. I was really freaked out about that when some of my girlfriends would give me a massage. A stranger or some boy, sure, I can see getting tense. But it was worrying when I couldn't completely relax with a best friend rubbing my back.

Are you okay with it as long as it is a partner or somebody close to you? Is it only strangers that make it feel wrong?
 
Do you give back rubs or massages to your friends?

I think you originally posted they were for partners, right?

What about same sex friends? That wouldn't be taboo would it?

Is it enjoyable, or just so off limits it isn't enjoyable?

No, why should it? They are in pain, and the massage is suppose to relieve them of that pain if one knows what they are doing.
 
I get it. Yep. There must be something inside my brain that automatically tenses up my muscles when getting a massage, even though I think I am relaxed and certainly believe I'm enjoying it. I was really freaked out about that when some of my girlfriends would give me a massage. A stranger or some boy, sure, I can see getting tense. But it was worrying when I couldn't completely relax with a best friend rubbing my back.

Are you okay with it as long as it is a partner or somebody close to you? Is it only strangers that make it feel wrong?

When my partner or a close friend does it no, it doesn't bother me.
 
No, why should it? They are in pain, and the massage is suppose to relieve them of that pain if one knows what they are doing.

Okay, I get it. There might be different reasons for a massage or back rub, and maybe we are thinking about different things here. Thanks for answering my question.
 
This has been a topic that has been swimming around in my head for the past week now. I really wanted to find a thread in here that was already on the subject, but didn't see any. Then, last night at this thing, we were discussing boundaries and the subject of touch came up for a while. Okay, sorry, the point is I am wondering how people deal with touch? Not bad touch, not so much sexual touch either, but all the other types of touch.

Do you like touch? Do you tense up or really dislike it? When is it different, like times when you go either way? What can make you suddenly enjoy or dislike it?

Okay, I'll try to think of some examples. I don't want to limit this, or make it too broad that nobody wants to say anything.

-- Massage, by a friend, lover/partner, professional, etc
-- Crowded public area, a bar, club, with friends or anyone really
-- Holding hands, hugging, putting an arm around someone (or having it done to you), sitting next to someone, while sleeping next to someone

Okay, again, the question is not about bad touch, just the good type or the type we see in public a lot or just take for granted. I hope this makes sense.

How do you deal with touch?

Love it.

Handshakes, hugs, massages, arm around, sitting on, leaning on, spooning, whatever.

When I go to the barber I really enjoy the feeling of my hair being combed/head being gently moved etc by someone else.

Don't like touching feet though, especially when they're cold.
 
Love it.

Handshakes, hugs, massages, arm around, sitting on, leaning on, spooning, whatever.

When I go to the barber I really enjoy the feeling of my hair being combed/head being gently moved etc by someone else.

Don't like touching feet though, especially when they're cold.

The head, yes, I love it when friends would just brush my hair or play with it. I loved that, a lot. Great point.

I don't like it when somebody wants to give me a foot massage. Never really cared for it, but maybe never had a good one. I had a friend and she loved them, and I would give her a long foot massage some nights. Not just any random person, though. No way. Only a really good friend like she was.
 
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