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Do men want / need respect from their partner? (and other topics)

Riveroaks said:
Good point.

Everyone should treat everyone else with respect.

I have a one strike policy on that.

Everyone gets 1 strike. Then they are immediately out.
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I have a 2. i forgive once, but never again if they are not sincere and do not try to correct their behavior.

that's why I ended a friendship a long time go. he would always demand that i treated him with respect but no matter how much I pleaded of how much reason used, he only thought of me as a retard.
 
Grand Mal said:
I mostly agree. This sentence, "That there can be "love" without respect, of necessity mutual, I hold to be a delusion.", especially. I agree that there can't be love without respect but it doesn't have to be mutual. There's a depressingly high number of one-way love stories. But you're right, to say you love someone without respecting them is like, what?, saying you're a good athlete but have a poor sense of balance.
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Purely anecdotal, I've found that a love like that eventually fails. The respect refused is eventually met in kind. I'd also not consider the described one-way street as a manifestation of love from the so disadvantaged.

Hormonally induced insanity, hopefully of temporary nature, by all means. With all other thus arising failures of judgement attached.
 
Henrin said:
The nagging woman is basically a woman that repeatedly brings up something without really any effort to understand the man's side of things. She is just entirely focused on her issue with whatever it happens to be and wants the man to do exactly what she wants. I have always taken this as an attempt to control me, while showing a complete disregard for what I might think.
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Wife: I've repeatedly asked you to clean out the roof gutters.

Husband (barely succeeding at self control): and I've repeatedly said I'd do it. There's no need to remind me every two months.

:mrgreen:
 
Riveroaks said:
Good point.

Everyone should treat everyone else with respect.

I have a one strike policy on that.

Everyone gets 1 strike. Then they are immediately out.
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Curious as to what that boundary line is - evidently respect, what it is, changes drastically person to person. So for you what would it be?
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Curious as to what that boundary line is - evidently respect, what it is, changes drastically person to person. So for you what would it be?
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I can give you 2 examples of what it is not.

A babe I used to date back in 2008 started mouthing off with rather nasty insults in order to pick a fight.

Apparently she was not mature enough to say "I am tired of our relationship and I want to split up."

I tended to ignore the comments and when she realized the mouthing off was not working, she brought up the subject directly within a few days.

We agreed to split up and that was the end of the story.

Another babe whom I used to date back in 2004 was cheating on the side with her new boss. He had made advances upon her and she accepted them.

As a result of the cheating her behavior changed and she was strangely more distant.

Eventually we stopped dating and cancelled the wedding plans.

I later found out from some of her friends that she had already started dating the other guy.

So those two incidents are examples of what respect is not. They are rather extreme examples though.

These are examples of women who want to break off the relationship and their behavior manifests it rather indirectly.

Pin pricks of criticism is probably not blatant disrespect. The other person may just be irritated enough to make a mean comment.

But big time love on the rocks results in different disrespect which should be obvious and should not be ignored.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
I'm reading a book written by a marriage counselor . . . In it the counselor presents a few statements on men and respect. I wanted to get the guy's responses on how they feel about this topic / these views.

(Note: the book is written for married couples with issues, so I'm generalizing these statements to make them applicable to dating couples as well. Sometimes the author interrupts his sentences with parentheticals which I've removed from quote.)

In the book he contends that: "A [man] needs respect just as he needs air to breathe."
1) In support of his view, her explores this situation which was presented in a study done of over 400 men:

Q) If they were forced to choose one of the follow which would they prefer to endure:

A) to be left alone and unloved in the world.
B) To feel inadequate and disrespected by everyone.​

2)

Another point made:

"Men don't know how to deal with the fact that they are aren't respected, and they can't put a voice to their feelings."
​

3)

Another point:

When the [female] flatly says her [male partner] will have to earn her respect before she gives him any, she leaves him in a lose-lose situation. Now he's responsible for both love and respect in the relationship.​

4)

Lastly:

The way to fully love a [man] is to respect in him ways that are meaningful to him.


​
--- So to any of the above, how do you feel about it?
Do you think that our nation's over-emphasis on 'love' and under-emphasis on 'respect' has caused a lot of relationship issues AND both should be fostered for a healthier relationship between the two?

[Reference: Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson]
​
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I honestly think it's a two way street. men should respect their wives as well. if there is no respect, why get married?

Without respect a relationship is either doomed to fail or it is abusive. I think Dr. Emerson is onto something.
 
Riveroaks said:
I can give you 2 examples of what it is not.

A babe I used to date back in 2008 started mouthing off with rather nasty insults in order to pick a fight.

Apparently she was not mature enough to say "I am tired of our relationship and I want to split up."

I tended to ignore the comments and when she realized the mouthing off was not working, she brought up the subject directly within a few days.

We agreed to split up and that was the end of the story.

Another babe whom I used to date back in 2004 was cheating on the side with her new boss. He had made advances upon her and she accepted them.

As a result of the cheating her behavior changed and she was strangely more distant.

Eventually we stopped dating and cancelled the wedding plans.

I later found out from some of her friends that she had already started dating the other guy.

So those two incidents are examples of what respect is not. They are rather extreme examples though.

These are examples of women who want to break off the relationship and their behavior manifests it rather indirectly.

Pin pricks of criticism is probably not blatant disrespect. The other person may just be irritated enough to make a mean comment.

But big time love on the rocks results in different disrespect which should be obvious and should not be ignored.
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Makes perfect sense.

I was going to say something about all people likely holding that standard - but I don't think that's true. People take each other back all the time after serious wrongs - or attempt to continue a relationship after such a situation (etc).
 
CLAX1911 said:
I honestly think it's a two way street. men should respect their wives as well. if there is no respect, why get married?

Without respect a relationship is either doomed to fail or it is abusive. I think Dr. Emerson is onto something.
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Of course they should - absolutely.
 
Aunt Spiker said:
Makes perfect sense.

I was going to say something about all people likely holding that standard - but I don't think that's true. People take each other back all the time after serious wrongs - or attempt to continue a relationship after such a situation (etc).
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If there were kids involved then I would say the reconciliation is worth while until they are grown and gone.

If no kids then a no tolerance policy.

Who wants a cheater ??

Who wants a liar ??

Nobody does.
 
Ancient Herald said:
I suffer from clinical depression because all my life people thinks it's okay to treat me like crap but then go around say i have to respect them and their emotions while they don't have to return the favor...
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Yes, out of control self esteem, especially up to the point of sociopathy, is destructive to other people and yet, we tend to hold sociopaths up as exemplars because of what they 'achieve'. It is an unfortunate part of our nature that we tend to permit this destructiveness! I sincerely wish you well with your journey.
 
William Rea said:
Yes, out of control self esteem, especially up to the point of sociopathy, is destructive to other people and yet, we tend to hold sociopaths up as exemplars because of what they 'achieve'. It is an unfortunate part of our nature that we tend to permit this destructiveness! I sincerely wish you well with your journey.
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Thanks for the well wishes.
 
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