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Different standards for dating within different communities?

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MisterLogical

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I not really sure about this but I kind of wondering if there is.

With gay males there this idea that gay males prefer muscular males
Straight woman desire someone whos has a stronger personality
Gay females want a stronger, taller woman

I know in general it seems harder for straight guys to get straight woman vs women getting straight guys. However in general the male community of straight males seem more desperate to get girls, and I think in general females are often put off by trying to hard, and scoring at any cost kind of attitude a lot of men seem to adopt, so are going to be a bit more picky about which males they are willing to date. I dont know if this really had anything to do with a SET STANDARD though, so much as overall hesitation to say yes.

So is there different standards in different communities for who is considered a more suitable person to hook up with? Or do you think these ideas are overgeneralizing? I have no strong opinion either way.
 
I think you are overgeneralizing.

Some men prefer tall thin women, some prefer shorter more fleshy women. Some are all about the boobs, some about legs, some about butts, some like blondes, some prefer redheads.
Just like women have many different preferences, as do gays and lesbians.

For every body type and personality type, there is someone that finds that attractive.
 
First the contract, the guidelines, and now standards. I think the author is seeking structure in dating.

MisterLogical, did you tried matchmaking sites then?
 
MisterLogical said:
I not really sure about this but I kind of wondering if there is.

With gay males there this idea that gay males prefer muscular males
Straight woman desire someone whos has a stronger personality
Gay females want a stronger, taller woman

I know in general it seems harder for straight guys to get straight woman vs women getting straight guys. However in general the male community of straight males seem more desperate to get girls, and I think in general females are often put off by trying to hard, and scoring at any cost kind of attitude a lot of men seem to adopt, so are going to be a bit more picky about which males they are willing to date. I dont know if this really had anything to do with a SET STANDARD though, so much as overall hesitation to say yes.

So is there different standards in different communities for who is considered a more suitable person to hook up with? Or do you think these ideas are overgeneralizing? I have no strong opinion either way.
Click to expand...

I don't think any of that is true at all.

There's a huge amount of diversity on what people prefer in their partners within gender orientations and ages, even if we're only looking at the "mainstream" of each.

In the straight world, age seems to make an enormous difference in terms of what qualities women prefer, and also the "supply and demand" chain.

In my age group, it's actually mostly women who are still in the casual dating scene, so it's not hard for men to find that at all. A lot of men went into the serious market relatively early in life, it seems like. I ultimately wound up with a serious-minded and slightly younger man. Doesn't seem unusual in my age group. Physical tastes seem to be extremely diverse with no trend at all that I can pin down. I'm open to anyone, but I have a soft spot for the burly man. My best friend likes them tall and lean. But ultimately I know a guy who's the same height as me and still has no trouble dating. Both of us like men with a pronounced empathetic streak and openness to different people. Seems common in the serious pool. Funny and adventurous seems to dominate the less serious pool.

Older women seem quite different. Their way of dating is a bit more formal, and perhaps more aligned to what you're describing -- pickier in the casual pool, because of that formalization. Although they also have a lot of diversity in what they like physically, I've noticed the older ladies like the classic Sam Elliot kind of thing by a good margin. They seem to be less fussed about an expressive man than younger women are, as long as the actions still put the message across (probably because older men are a little less expressive, it seems, so it's just what they've come to expect). I think part of the reason they like formalization is because it provides a good opportunity for a man to let his actions speak for him, as it were.

In the gay world, for every guy who wants a bear, there's a guy who wants a baby face. For every lesbian who wants a butch, there's one who wants a femme. And in some couples, there are no obvious gender stereotypes at all -- the gay couples I know best actually have very similar gender presentations.

So, I think you're breaking this down way too much.
 
DDD said:
First the contract, the guidelines, and now standards. I think the author is seeking structure in dating.

MisterLogical, did you tried matchmaking sites then?
Click to expand...

I seek structure for everything, the world is chaos. However that was not the point of this post in particular but some people do believe that there is certain things more desired in particular communities so I wanted to see what everyone had to say about that. This would be going down to sociol science so some people might have some theory about it.

SmokeAndMirrors said:
I don't think any of that is true at all.

There's a huge amount of diversity on what people prefer in their partners within gender orientations and ages, even if we're only looking at the "mainstream" of each.

In the straight world, age seems to make an enormous difference in terms of what qualities women prefer, and also the "supply and demand" chain.

In my age group, it's actually mostly women who are still in the casual dating scene, so it's not hard for men to find that at all. A lot of men went into the serious market relatively early in life, it seems like. I ultimately wound up with a serious-minded and slightly younger man. Doesn't seem unusual in my age group. Physical tastes seem to be extremely diverse with no trend at all that I can pin down. I'm open to anyone, but I have a soft spot for the burly man. My best friend likes them tall and lean. But ultimately I know a guy who's the same height as me and still has no trouble dating. Both of us like men with a pronounced empathetic streak and openness to different people. Seems common in the serious pool. Funny and adventurous seems to dominate the less serious pool.

Older women seem quite different. Their way of dating is a bit more formal, and perhaps more aligned to what you're describing -- pickier in the casual pool, because of that formalization. Although they also have a lot of diversity in what they like physically, I've noticed the older ladies like the classic Sam Elliot kind of thing by a good margin. They seem to be less fussed about an expressive man than younger women are, as long as the actions still put the message across (probably because older men are a little less expressive, it seems, so it's just what they've come to expect). I think part of the reason they like formalization is because it provides a good opportunity for a man to let his actions speak for him, as it were.

In the gay world, for every guy who wants a bear, there's a guy who wants a baby face. For every lesbian who wants a butch, there's one who wants a femme. And in some couples, there are no obvious gender stereotypes at all -- the gay couples I know best actually have very similar gender presentations.

So, I think you're breaking this down way too much.
Click to expand...

This is interesting information. Thank you for commenting.
 
MisterLogical said:
I not really sure about this but I kind of wondering if there is.

With gay males there this idea that gay males prefer muscular males
Straight woman desire someone whos has a stronger personality
Gay females want a stronger, taller woman

I know in general it seems harder for straight guys to get straight woman vs women getting straight guys. However in general the male community of straight males seem more desperate to get girls, and I think in general females are often put off by trying to hard, and scoring at any cost kind of attitude a lot of men seem to adopt, so are going to be a bit more picky about which males they are willing to date. I dont know if this really had anything to do with a SET STANDARD though, so much as overall hesitation to say yes.

So is there different standards in different communities for who is considered a more suitable person to hook up with? Or do you think these ideas are overgeneralizing? I have no strong opinion either way.
Click to expand...

There seems to be certain behaviors that in heterosexual relationships that are expected. Body type is a personal preference.
 
It may be a personal preference, but people do tend to gravitate towards strong people.

And looks are exceptionally important, and ALWAYS the first thing people judge you on.

If it weren't true that people didn't want the big huge strong jocks, or the wealthy doctors and lawyers, then computer nerds and sciencey types would get more action.


in short, it is from a desire to have someone take care of you, and only strong people can take care of you.
 
Ancient Herald said:
It may be a personal preference, but people do tend to gravitate towards strong people.

And looks are exceptionally important, and ALWAYS the first thing people judge you on.

If it weren't true that people didn't want the big huge strong jocks, or the wealthy doctors and lawyers, then computer nerds and sciencey types would get more action.


in short, it is from a desire to have someone take care of you, and only strong people can take care of you.
Click to expand...

Didn't you say in another thread that you are a virgin with no intention of ever trying to find a girlfriend? Curious how you would know what women want.
 
Ancient Herald said:
It may be a personal preference, but people do tend to gravitate towards strong people.

And looks are exceptionally important, and ALWAYS the first thing people judge you on.

If it weren't true that people didn't want the big huge strong jocks, or the wealthy doctors and lawyers, then computer nerds and sciencey types would get more action.


in short, it is from a desire to have someone take care of you, and only strong people can take care of you.
Click to expand...

Strength is not only relative, but also can vary in which kinds of strengths a person is looking for. A person might not be physically strong, but have great emotional strength or be extremely intelligent. They may be well organized or simply very charismatic or assertive, both are viewed as strong character traits.

Computer nerds and sciencey types are actually doing fine, especially now. Do you assume that there are not both of either gender in this world? Not only that but computer nerds and sciencey types can be jocks as well, or doctors or lawyers even. My husband was a Marine and a Master at Arms in the Navy, yet he is currently in an IT job, with a degree and certifications. My husband is one of the smartest people I know.
 
foadi said:
Didn't you say in another thread that you are a virgin with no intention of ever trying to find a girlfriend? Curious how you would know what women want.
Click to expand...

Not at all. have been around the block a few times and do know some things.

Just because a person is a virgin doesn't mean they don't know anything.

My knowledge from being constantly rejected and being in a few abusive one way relationships.
 
roguenuke said:
Strength is not only relative, but also can vary in which kinds of strengths a person is looking for. A person might not be physically strong, but have great emotional strength or be extremely intelligent. They may be well organized or simply very charismatic or assertive, both are viewed as strong character traits.

Computer nerds and sciencey types are actually doing fine, especially now. Do you assume that there are not both of either gender in this world? Not only that but computer nerds and sciencey types can be jocks as well, or doctors or lawyers even. My husband was a Marine and a Master at Arms in the Navy, yet he is currently in an IT job, with a degree and certifications. My husband is one of the smartest people I know.
Click to expand...

No.

Those are the exception rather than the rule.

And for the most part, generally speaking, nerds are treated like crap in America.
 
Ancient Herald said:
No.

Those are the exception rather than the rule.

And for the most part, generally speaking, nerds are treated like crap in America.
Click to expand...

Not in adulthood. Nerds are generally the most successful people in America when they are adults. Many actors/actresses are nerds/geeks. Computers or related industries are the biggest and fastest growing in the country, and have tons of geeks/nerds in them. Doctors and lawyers generally started out as the "smart kids".
 
Every community is as diverse as there exists variance among humans. Not every gay male for instance is muscular so obviously there will be a market for those who are not. You look for people who complement you well and if you're struggling, chances are someone else who is similar is struggling too, and they will find each other, as long as they make the effort. You wouldn't think a small minority like homosexuals in general could hook up easily, but again, they're actively seeking each other out

But there are some generalizations that are probably true, and grounded in biology, as well as hesitation to get involved with someone who is physically dominant and also overly angry. I think what you say about women being more picky, at the expense of heterosexual males, is probably true.
 
Ancient Herald said:
No.

Those are the exception rather than the rule.

And for the most part, generally speaking, nerds are treated like crap in America.
Click to expand...

nerds tend to get well paying jobs with other nerds and hook up with each other. It's like any other demographic
 
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