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Thread: I have an honest question?

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    I have an honest question?

    I've always wondered what I'm about to ask, and have never asked a gay person, so I wanted to ask where I know I'll get honest responses from gay people.

    I've noticed that many lesbian women date women who look a lot like men. There have been times that even I was unsure if the female was in fact female. My question is;

    If you are drawn to women, why are you drawn to women who look and act like men? This is a genuine question. I guess the same could be asked for a gay male dating a very effeminate male. I guess it's hard for me to understand.

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    I've always wondered what I'm about to ask, and have never asked a gay person, so I wanted to ask where I know I'll get honest responses from gay people.

    I've noticed that many lesbian women date women who look a lot like men. There have been times that even I was unsure if the female was in fact female. My question is;

    If you are drawn to women, why are you drawn to women who look and act like men? This is a genuine question. I guess the same could be asked for a gay male dating a very effeminate male. I guess it's hard for me to understand.
    What's funny is I've noticed that and wondered myself. But not just on the female side.

    My husband's boss is gay - and married to a man. This was something he only recently shared with Mr. Borrachos and nobody else in their company. My husband's boss is a very large burly and handsome men. We met his husband a few weeks ago. The husband is prettier than I am. I actually asked Mr. B's boss (who loves me and encourages me to ask questions about it) if he was attracted to "D" because he resembled a woman, and he said yes. I followed up with a question asking why he wasn't attracted to a woman who looks like a woman but instead was attracted to a man who looks like a woman, and he said "It's all about the penis, Tres".
    Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ~W.C. Fields

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    U
    Quote Originally Posted by tres borrachos View Post
    What's funny is I've noticed that and wondered myself. But not just on the female side.

    My husband's boss is gay - and married to a man. This was something he only recently shared with Mr. Borrachos and nobody else in their company. My husband's boss is a very large burly and handsome men. We met his husband a few weeks ago. The husband is prettier than I am. I actually asked Mr. B's boss (who loves me and encourages me to ask questions about it) if he was attracted to "D" because he resembled a woman, and he said yes. I followed up with a question asking why he wasn't attracted to a woman who looks like a woman but instead was attracted to a man who looks like a woman, and he said "It's all about the penis, Tres".
    Lol, funny story. But yet I've heard many say that it's not even about sex and that sex only makes up a small percentage. I know that I'm attracted to men, but if he's a man but looks and acts feminine, there's no attraction. I guess I thought it would be the same line of thinking.

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    I've always wondered what I'm about to ask, and have never asked a gay person, so I wanted to ask where I know I'll get honest responses from gay people.

    I've noticed that many lesbian women date women who look a lot like men. There have been times that even I was unsure if the female was in fact female. My question is;

    If you are drawn to women, why are you drawn to women who look and act like men? This is a genuine question. I guess the same could be asked for a gay male dating a very effeminate male. I guess it's hard for me to understand.
    I can't answer from experience exactly, but...

    There are certainly plenty of "lipstick lesbian" pairings, but, if you think about it, are all straight women attracted to burly guys?

    I've certainly gone for the metrosexual more than once, personally. Burly's cool too -- basically I can find the appeal in different kinds of guys. I've known women who only go for the metrosexual or other kinds of guys typically seen as "effeminate."

    Also, keep in mind that the "butch" lesbian is only "butch" because of what our cultural gender expectations are. In objective terms, her "butchiness" isn't anti-feminine in any real way, any more than my tendency not to wear make-up is.

    And then there's the open question as to how much culture affects mate selection. If you look at hetero preferences through the years, there has been dramatic changes throughout. I remember threads discussing attractive celebrity men, and the older women and younger women have very different preferences. The older ones go for more of the classic hairy, rough-skinned Sean Connery in his hey day. Younger women are more likely to go for a guy less hair, not necessarily as "thick," and perhaps even "metro" in the way he's dressed and his hair is done.

    As our culture is becoming less gender stereotyped, there's a clear move away from selecting mates based on the extremes of gender expectations within the hetero world.

    Does the gender dichotomy all of us see in our culture also tend to dichotomize lesbian mate selection, the same way it does for straight people, and will that decrease as our gender expectations get less extreme? Dunno, but it's interesting, and I can tell you I notice this trend less in younger gay and lesbian couples I know, versus older ones.

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    U

    Lol, funny story. But yet I've heard many say that it's not even about sex and that sex only makes up a small percentage. I know that I'm attracted to men, but if he's a man but looks and acts feminine, there's no attraction. I guess I thought it would be the same line of thinking.
    Me as well, herenow. I met my husband in college where he was a hockey player (Division 1 school). He also played pro for a short time after we graduated. I've always been attracted to the hockey player types but I have some friends who adore the meterosexual types so different strokes, I guess...

    I don't know what the average is for same sex folks and I don't know if there is any study on the pairings but in my personal observation in this area - I live in NH and we have a lot of gay couples in this area given that SSM is accepted & recognized in the bordering states and here) - most pairings I've seen of gay couples shows one whose general appearance and often times mannersisms closely resemble that of the opposite saex.
    Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. ~W.C. Fields

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    If you are drawn to women, why are you drawn to women who look and act like men? This is a genuine question. I guess the same could be asked for a gay male dating a very effeminate male. I guess it's hard for me to understand.
    Sexuality and attraction isn't simple or logical for anyone. Regardless of the gender(s) of people you might be generally attracted to, there will be individuals within that group you find extremely attractive and others you find completely repulsive. It not even about conventionally attractive or unattractive features - we've all know couples were we've wondered "What does she see in him?" (or vice versa).

    The key thing to remember regarding your question is that there is nothing fundamentally different about homosexuals and heterosexuals other than the gender of people they're generally attracted to. Everything else, including everything I've mentioned above, applies just as much to them as it does to the rest of us.

    That said, the pressures of social convention can obvious impact anyone who is socially unconventional in some manner and that can certainly influence how we end up acting. I wouldn't be at all surprised if the kind of things you're describing are influenced by that as much as any fundamental desire within the individuals involved.

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by tres borrachos View Post
    most pairings I've seen of gay couples shows one whose general appearance and often times mannersisms closely resemble that of the opposite saex.
    Perhaps those are just the pairings most noticed.

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by ecofarm View Post
    Perhaps those are just the pairings most noticed.
    Exactly. People don't notice all the other pairings where the female doesn't look male or the male isn't "effeminate".

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    I've always wondered what I'm about to ask, and have never asked a gay person, so I wanted to ask where I know I'll get honest responses from gay people.

    I've noticed that many lesbian women date women who look a lot like men. There have been times that even I was unsure if the female was in fact female. My question is;

    If you are drawn to women, why are you drawn to women who look and act like men? This is a genuine question. I guess the same could be asked for a gay male dating a very effeminate male. I guess it's hard for me to understand.
    this is a possibility, because they are likely bisexual, and somewhat unsure of what they want.

    From experience though I don't ever recall a truely gay man dating and overly efem man, I have known more than one couple who were a" one Bi, one gay" couple Women the same, |a Bi plus a manish bull dyke"

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    Re: I have an honest question?

    That is a ridiculous question.

    Men are attracted to women from the extremely feminine and docile to the extremely rugged and dominant. The same goes for woman and their men.

    Guess no one noticed that.


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