Thread: Quiet love-making?

Originally Posted by samsmart

Dude, there's all kinds of lovemaking, and different people enjoy different kinds, and in different ways.

If that's the way she enjoys her lovemaking DON'T try to change that. If she didn't enjoy the way you and her made love, she most likely wouldn't be doing it with you. So it is incredibly likely that she thoroughly enjoys the lovemaking you have with her.

So, really, I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Enjoy her as she is if you really love her.

Because if you don't enjoy her as she is then you're going to try to change her. And that's incredibly not fair to her. And, more likely than not, be a turn off for her.

Nothing is wrong, and when you try to fix something that isn't broke it usually ends up breaking it.

So either dump her because she's not a screamer or buck up and get some self-confidence and let the matter go.

BAM!!! EXACTLY!!! Someone lock this thread nothing else needs to be said.

Originally Posted by Daktoria

I agree with everything but the end. We don't condition ourselves to be that way. It's a matter of society demanding us to be self-conscious. We're embarrassed and afraid of making the woman awkward.

There's also the fact that when we come out from silence, we don't know how without being crude. It's kind of like dancing. A lot of guys don't know how to express themselves passionately.

That's... conditioning, isn't it? A practiced response until it becomes second nature, in this case due to perceived social pressure.

Or, as is displayed by your second line, a lack of experience or opportunity with vocalizing.

The third option of course being that they're just quiet.

Originally Posted by joko104

Its a real male ego deflator when the partner is quiet. Personally, I'd be very surprised at that and would figure it's not working for her or I. But I "like it rough" and so did the partners I hooked up with in the past and particularly with my wife now, who also is an incredible fighter too.

However, she also is the first and only "relationship" I've ever had. All before were just one-nighters - no exceptions.

It's different in a relationship/marriage. In an onging relationship there often is no time or interest in going all out at it. Instead and even a majority of the times there are "quick draws" or just gentleness more akin to snuggling and hugging (but having slow go-to-sleep and just relaxing sex) and that is quiet or maybe we are softly talking or being totally silence. Calm sex. Besides, if every time we went all out we'd either never get anything done and would be continually exhausted. But again, we go rough and tumble then. Most couples don't, never will and don't want to either.

So maybe I'm not the best to comment on your situation. If I were really getting it on with a woman and she was quiet, I'd just intensify and if that didn't work (never happened) I would have thrown in the towel and gotten her out the door quick!

BUT, BUT, BUT this ABSOLUTELY may not apply to you. From others I do know some women really don't want to go crazy and that doesn't mean she doesn't like sex. But it also means she does want to, or can't or you can't do it for her go to crazy orgasmic. I suppose some women never have or will for various reasons.

To clarify, sudden involuntary body movements are the equivalent of being noisy...

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Originally Posted by Thrilla

nothing wrong with quiet sex... nothing wrong with loud sex.

most parents become acquainted with quiet sex real quick after they have kids.

every now and then, we like to have quiet sex... purposeful quiet sex.... no verbal cues whatsoever.
it's tough... and it's fun.... it forces you to be aware of your partners body, and the more aware of your partners body you are, the better lover you will be.

Thunder, try this and see if it work out for you...
take command one night... come up behind her and gently cover her mouth with your hand and whisper in her her ear something very erotic .. and command her to not make a sound... tell her how you are going to take her and tell her all the things you are going to do to here.. in detail... but make sure you keep telling her to remain quiet.... then do all the thing you know she likes... just, take her.
putting the condition of silence on her will put her into her comfort zone... but it also carries the insinuation that being silent is not part of the usual course of action.. it's "something different"
put that sort of thing in your repertoire.... and also....
play a game where you don't do anything to here unless she commands you to ... and don't do anything she doesn't explicitly tell you to do.
every now and then, stop what you are doing ..even if you know she is enjoying it... and wait for the next command.
this will help her become a bit more vocal, and it will give you better insight into what she likes.

pretty soon, i think you'll find that you sex life with her will be enriched and far more comfortable and fulfilling for each of you.


don't ever ask her if she is enjoying the sex you have.... that will tend to make her self conscious and insecure .. she might feel she is doing something wrong... and that might cause her to find your sessions less enjoyable...... there's no good reason to add stress like that into sex.

anyways, good luck.... it's worth the effort.

I particularly dislike that advice.

What you need to remember, Thunder, is that it is hands that are the great lovers. You and your penis will generally be done much, much sooner than she is. Sexual success is easy for a man. With the woman its a treasure hunt and may be just as much a mystery to her as to you, maybe more.


I very much want feedback as a joint exploration and may well ask if it not offered. "What about here? No? Here?" actively seeking her guidance for the occassion and inviting her participation in the hunt... .... "yes, but a little to the left, yes...yes...YES yes! RIGHT THERE!!"

(Then she wants you to shut up because she's busy. She's only got a quarter hour or so to go, maybe a bit longer.)

BUT! Some women REALLY don't (as in never) want to go that far. And a few want to go further. Further gets crazy into the love-hate thing.

Some very interesting theories on why some women scream and some are silent.

One thing the military taught me and a few lovers along the way have reinforced is most humans are easily trained. Most folks really would like some guidance. I have found most women who care are willing to try new things, being more vocal is one way most have improved on. You have to lead as well as explain what noises you like. I have had some good success with going to missionary after a good warmup, while close to her ear I can whisper soft but pointed comments. Most quiet girls are inhibited about sounding 'coarse' they were raised to be good girls while most men want the good girl to stop at the bedroom door and the nasty/naughty girl enter.

Soft little phrases to start and as her body responds I ask her to tell me what she is, it is surprising the level of response that comes back. Move into doggy and if she doesn't answer a firm but not powerful swat helps the domination roleplay. (swats also bring more blood to the nerve endings greatly increasing sensitivity in doggy style sex.)

Strong but not painful holds help induce vocal responses. It is as if she now has permission to be bad, you are 'forcing' her to be bad. I like pulling a woman's hair from behind so she lifts up and I can hold her close to me and whisper in her ear.

Sometimes sensory deprivation helps, blindfold her so her mind can be used 'against' her inhibitions. Music with a heavy, tribal beat helps unlock her inner desire. I have used Koto drum CDs as well as blended african drums. Deep rhythmic beat.

Women are not a 3 piece jug band. Think 66 piece orchestra and you are the conductor. you control when the woodwinds pick up, pass off the the strings, low slow build to the percussion while the brass section accents the flow. Now as the drums build you lean forward as say, Tell me what you are...

If all that fails, tie her down and use a vibrator on her til she calls you everything but white boy...

Originally Posted by notquiteright

Some very interesting theories on why some women scream and some are silent.

One thing the military taught me and a few lovers along the way have reinforced is most humans are easily trained. Most folks really would like some guidance. I have found most women who care are willing to try new things, being more vocal is one way most have improved on. You have to lead as well as explain what noises you like. I have had some good success with going to missionary after a good warmup, while close to her ear I can whisper soft but pointed comments. Most quiet girls are inhibited about sounding 'coarse' they were raised to be good girls while most men want the good girl to stop at the bedroom door and the nasty/naughty girl enter.

Soft little phrases to start and as her body responds I ask her to tell me what she is, it is surprising the level of response that comes back. Move into doggy and if she doesn't answer a firm but not powerful swat helps the domination roleplay. (swats also bring more blood to the nerve endings greatly increasing sensitivity in doggy style sex.)

Strong but not painful holds help induce vocal responses. It is as if she now has permission to be bad, you are 'forcing' her to be bad. I like pulling a woman's hair from behind so she lifts up and I can hold her close to me and whisper in her ear.

Sometimes sensory deprivation helps, blindfold her so her mind can be used 'against' her inhibitions. Music with a heavy, tribal beat helps unlock her inner desire. I have used Koto drum CDs as well as blended african drums. Deep rhythmic beat.

Women are not a 3 piece jug band. Think 66 piece orchestra and you are the conductor. you control when the woodwinds pick up, pass off the the strings, low slow build to the percussion while the brass section accents the flow. Now as the drums build you lean forward as say, Tell me what you are...

If all that fails, tie her down and use a vibrator on her til she calls you everything but white boy...

There is much I agree with in there and also often use the orchestra analogy. I'm not into doing bondage BUT unless the guy is very strong with good wrestling/fighting prowlness I can see where that might be necessary to obtain that goal if that is a goal. There are many reasons I wouldn't do bondage or blindfolding, but then I can enjoy "fight" out of her and I can certainly handle it if she does. A lot of guys couldn't so then artificial control might be necessary. The other reason is there is no chance in hell I would agree to bondage myself. Your point about pressure is very accurate - although that is a somewhat complex line between pressure, seeming an assault and causing real pain (so know what you're doing or don't try) and for some women about hair too.

Again, all women are not generic so some of this stuff would be extremely unwelcomed and intensely so. How long a couple has been together comes into play too as does the experiences - good and bad and otherwise - of both.

Ive been thinking about this a little more, and the fact is that she does give a few subtle indications of pleasure.

the opening of her mouth, her little "MMmmmmmmsss"s, when she tells me to stop, when she pulls my hand away cause she's cumming, etc etc. I guess I just have to be more intune with her body & her reactions, and not base my sense of achievement on how other women have reacted or how I want her to react.

lovemaking is a new experience & study with every woman.

Originally Posted by Thunder

Ive been thinking about this a little more, and the fact is that she does give a few subtle indications of pleasure.

the opening of her mouth, her little "MMmmmmmmsss"s, when she tells me to stop, when she pulls my hand away cause she's cumming, etc etc. I guess I just have to be more intune with her body & her reactions, and not base my sense of achievement on how other women have reacted or how I want her to react.

lovemaking is a new experience & study with every woman.

Indeed it is! Enjoy the adventure!

Originally Posted by Thunder

Ive been thinking about this a little more, and the fact is that she does give a few subtle indications of pleasure.

the opening of her mouth, her little "MMmmmmmmsss"s, when she tells me to stop, when she pulls my hand away cause she's cumming, etc etc. I guess I just have to be more intune with her body & her reactions, and not base my sense of achievement on how other women have reacted or how I want her to react.

lovemaking is a new experience & study with every woman.

Sounds good. Then she's just quiet and its working.

How many guys do you think truly believe they're hot-**** in bed because they woman squeals and squiggles like a porn star - if only they knew the truth?