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Is dry humping cheating?

Is Dry Humping cheating?

  • Yes it is!

    Votes: 18 90.0%
  • No of course not!

    Votes: 2 10.0%

  • Total voters
    20
Definitely cheating! Kissing is cheating to me. Holding hands is cheating...talking about feelings is essentially cheating. Anything behind my back isn't cool...until you talk to me and say you want to do something with someone else, it's cheating.

The bold part is what is important here. Every relationship has its own boundaries, some more lax then others. If you have to question whether or not it is outside of the boundaries of your relationship, and especially if you feel a need to hide it or keep hush hush about it, then it is cheating.
 
Is flirting outside of one's relationship cheating?

I don't think so, but whether or not it's ok sort of depends on the context.

Persistent, escalating flirting? I have a bit of a problem with that. I don't expect my partner's hormones to suddenly shut off just because they're with me; lord knows mine don't. I know other attractions will come up. But coaxing and encouraging them isn't ok. I don't do that, if the understanding is that we're monogamous, and I expect my partner to refrain as well. They can talk to me about it if they want; I don't mind confronting the reality that he's still a sexual creature who notices women who aren't me. I'm the same. But tempting it to go outside the rules of the relationship strikes me as pretty disrespectful.

That said, a bit of casual, fleeting flirting never hurt anyone and keeps the social skills sharp. I don't mind that.

Definitely cheating! Kissing is cheating to me. Holding hands is cheating...talking about feelings is essentially cheating. Anything behind my back isn't cool...until you talk to me and say you want to do something with someone else, it's cheating.

This, this, this. Set your boundaries and stick to them, whatever they may be. Lying to me or hiding things from me is not ok.
 
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Is flirting outside of one's relationship cheating?

I don't think so. I think there is definately a limit where flirting is innocent and as smoke and mirrors mentions it starts escalate. Hardcore flirting.....if that makes sense means that innocent flirting is starting to head somewhere!
 
hardcore flirting?

What - like flirting VS hitting on someone with a cheesy ass pickup line or given an open invitation to fool around?
 
I don't think so. I think there is definately a limit where flirting is innocent and as smoke and mirrors mentions it starts escalate. Hardcore flirting.....if that makes sense means that innocent flirting is starting to head somewhere!

Do you believe all relationships have the same "limit"?

Do you believe everyone knows in advance their partner's "limit"?
 
They should...

From time zero?

Intimacy is something that tends to grow over time. You don't know everything about your partner from the beginning.
 
Do you believe all relationships have the same "limit"?

Do you believe everyone knows in advance their partner's "limit"?

No...it's different for everyone. I think in most cases someone's limits should be pretty easy to find out after dating them. It's pretty easy to see if someone is jealous over small things or isn't.
 
From time zero?

Intimacy is something that tends to grow over time. You don't know everything about your partner from the beginning.

Then this comes into play:

If you have to question whether or not it is outside of the boundaries of your relationship, and especially if you feel a need to hide it or keep hush hush about it, then it is cheating.

Also if you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, one should be aware of what the rules of engagement are. Communication is simple, and essential, the sooner you start being up front and open with each other, the easier it is to maintain.
 
No...it's different for everyone.

...so why did you make this thread? Were you trying to force consensus?

I think in most cases someone's limits should be pretty easy to find out after dating them. It's pretty easy to see if someone is jealous over small things or isn't.

Mmm...
 
...so why did you make this thread? Were you trying to force consensus?



Mmm...

I wasn't trying to force a consensus I was just interested in what other people thought. It seemed as if everyone consided dry humping cheating so I wanted to see if there was a cheating spectrum or not and if people can "barely" cheat.
 
Also if you are getting into a serious relationship with someone, one should be aware of what the rules of engagement are. Communication is simple, and essential, the sooner you start being up front and open with each other, the easier it is to maintain.

Again, mmm...

Flirting is about being ambiguous, and different people have different standards on how "up front" to engage.

Lots of relationships aren't serious at all. Heck, lots of people don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's serious...

...but those people can still be sensitive.
 
Again, mmm...

Flirting is about being ambiguous, and different people have different standards on how "up front" to engage.

Lots of relationships aren't serious at all. Heck, lots of people don't want to be in a relationship with someone who's serious...

...but those people can still be sensitive.

yes, I have been in a few not so serious relationships.. no reason you cannot be open and up front about those either, and again no reason to not know the boundaries. If it is not so serious then both parties should know this, and both parties should also know what that entails.
 
yes, I have been in a few not so serious relationships.. no reason you cannot be open and up front about those either, and again no reason to not know the boundaries. If it is not so serious then both parties should know this, and both parties should also know what that entails.

How so?

A nonserious relationship would entail not disclosing everything. It leaves lots of room for drama. Heck, some would say nonseriousness is meant for drama.

Perhaps a better question to ask is, "Why are nonserious people getting into relationships?"
 
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Do you believe all relationships have the same "limit"?

Do you believe everyone knows in advance their partner's "limit"?

No one can know without asking. A common mistake people make, and the cause of the majority of relationship drama from what I've seen, is because people don't ask.

I make a point, early in a relationship, to check in on how things are going on a regular basis and see where any adjustments need to be made to the understanding of what the parameters are. Usually every few weeks, as it comes up.

By the time things are settled, there's not much need to do this on any sort of regular basis. But early in a relationship, I think it's extremely important to setting the foundation and curtailing completely preventable issues from ever happening. But even an established relationship may need to revisit its boundaries now and again.

In short, I don't "guess." I think it's foolish to do so; no one is a mind-reader. While many of us do have the same general ideas about what a typical relationship is, that isn't good enough. It's YOUR relationship, and it is by definition unique from any other, because it involves two unique people.

How so?

A nonserious relationship would entail not disclosing everything. It leaves lots of room for drama. Heck, some would say nonseriousness is meant for drama.

Perhaps a better question to ask is, "Why are nonserious people getting into relationships?"

I don't think it's any less necessary in non-serious relationships, even if you're just establishing how non-serious it is. You have to be sure both people are on the same page. Not disclosing things when you have not agreed that you don't need to disclose those things is... well, cheating.
 
I don't think so, but whether or not it's ok sort of depends on the context.

Persistent, escalating flirting? I have a bit of a problem with that. I don't expect my partner's hormones to suddenly shut off just because they're with me; lord knows mine don't. I know other attractions will come up. But coaxing and encouraging them isn't ok. I don't do that, if the understanding is that we're monogamous, and I expect my partner to refrain as well. They can talk to me about it if they want; I don't mind confronting the reality that he's still a sexual creature who notices women who aren't me. I'm the same. But tempting it to go outside the rules of the relationship strikes me as pretty disrespectful.

What do you mean by "confronting"?

That said, a bit of casual, fleeting flirting never hurt anyone and keeps the social skills sharp. I don't mind that.

This sounds a little weird. By social skills, do you mean "updates what it takes to fit in" and/or "stays in touch with power politics"?

I say "weird" because if you're in a relationship with someone, you don't want that person to keep perusing the field...

...unless you expect your partner to be a competitive pick on your part...

...but then there wouldn't be any problem with going all out.

I feel like you're suggesting semi-commitment is normal and expected. This can be highly problematic for reserved people looking for certainty.

No one can know without asking. A common mistake people make, and the cause of the majority of relationship drama from what I've seen, is because people don't ask.

I make a point, early in a relationship, to check in on how things are going on a regular basis and see where any adjustments need to be made to the understanding of what the parameters are. Usually every few weeks, as it comes up.

By the time things are settled, there's not much need to do this on any sort of regular basis. But early in a relationship, I think it's extremely important to setting the foundation and curtailing completely preventable issues from ever happening. But even an established relationship may need to revisit its boundaries now and again.

In short, I don't "guess." I think it's foolish to do so; no one is a mind-reader. While many of us do have the same general ideas about what a typical relationship is, that isn't good enough. It's YOUR relationship, and it is by definition unique from any other, because it involves two unique people.

Are you saying it's impossible to build a relationship based on facial expressions? :p

You know, some people take asking questions as a sign of lacking intuition.

I don't think it's any less necessary in non-serious relationships, even if you're just establishing how non-serious it is. You have to be sure both people are on the same page. Not disclosing things when you have not agreed that you don't need to disclose those things is... well, cheating.

Oh, I definitely agree.

The problem is some nonserious people will play word games indefinitely on disclosure.
 
What do you mean by "confronting"?

Acknowledging it, talking about it.

This sounds a little weird. By social skills, do you mean "updates what it takes to fit in" and/or "stays in touch with power politics"?

I say "weird" because if you're in a relationship with someone, you don't want that person to keep perusing the field...

...unless you expect your partner to be a competitive pick on your part...

...but then there wouldn't be any problem with going all out.

I feel like you're suggesting semi-commitment is normal and expected. This can be highly problematic for reserved people looking for certainty.

Any time you make a racy joke, it could potentially be seen as flirting, depending on the party. Any time you act real nice to someone, it could potentially be seen as flirting.

Sometimes, there is a very fine line between good networking, and flirting, when you're doing it with your prefered sex. Being very friendly, open, perhaps making it clear you're available to talk later. All the same skills that come in handy for networking are also part of the flirting arsenal, and they can look very similar to each other. This is sort of what I meant.

As other posters have said, it's difficult to qualify exactly what and how something is casual flirting and what is more dedicated flirting; but you sort of know it when you see it, and if it's pointed out to them, people know it when they're doing it.

I don't think this threatens certainty in the least. But that's me, and I'm not especially clingy. I'm quite able to be serious in serious relationships, but I don't find that threatening to the seriousness of a relationship.

Are you saying it's impossible to build a relationship based on facial expressions? :p

You know, some people take asking questions as a sign of lacking intuition.

Good for them. They can go ahead and make stupid mistakes because they were too caught up in their impression to ask a simple question. And I see people do this ALL the time - apparently quite a lot of people have issues with intuition. A basic conversation could have prevented them from blowing up their relationship.

Sometimes in these discussions, if it's something important, I ask a question even when I'm pretty sure I already know the answer; I have excellent intuition. Usually I didn't need to ask.

But is assuming I'm right worth risking damaging the relationship? Reading people happens to be one of my strongest skills, but I'm still wrong once in a while. So I make sure to minimize the damage my occassional error might do. And guess what? My love life is distinctly lacking in drama, and has been for most of my dating history.

Oh, I definitely agree.

The problem is some nonserious people will play word games indefinitely on disclosure.

People like that aren't even worth being friends with. If they can't just say what they want and everything has to be a game, then they can go play games with their hand.
 
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if you develop an intense emotional relationship with someone when you're involved with someone else you're a dirty little cheating skank and no amount of minimization is going ot change that.

I see you've met my ex wife.
 
Acknowledging it, talking about it.

OK.

Any time you make a racy joke, it could potentially be seen as flirting, depending on the party. Any time you act real nice to someone, it could potentially be seen as flirting.

Sometimes, there is a very fine line between good networking, and flirting, when you're doing it with your prefered sex. Being very friendly, open, perhaps making it clear you're available to talk later. All the same skills that come in handy for networking are also part of the flirting arsenal, and they can look very similar to each other. This is sort of what I meant.

As other posters have said, it's difficult to qualify exactly what and how something is casual flirting and what is more dedicated flirting; but you sort of know it when you see it, and if it's pointed out to them, people know it when they're doing it.

I don't think this threatens certainty in the least. But that's me, and I'm not especially clingy. I'm quite able to be serious in serious relationships, but I don't find that threatening to the seriousness of a relationship.

I'm going to take a macroscopic perspective here and look at social responsibility.

Do you think the... initial uncertainty between networking and flirting leads to social decay?

For example, do you think networking flirtatiously at an advertising firm or TV network can lead to broadcasts which encourage dysfunctional relationships?

What about public flirting in general? Do you think public displays of affection can make less aware people awkward?

Good for them. They can go ahead and make stupid mistakes because they were too caught up in their impression to ask a simple question. And I see people do this ALL the time - apparently quite a lot of people have issues with intuition. A basic conversation could have prevented them from blowing up their relationship.

Sometimes in these discussions, if it's something important, I ask a question even when I'm pretty sure I already know the answer; I have excellent intuition. Usually I didn't need to ask.

But is assuming I'm right worth risking damaging the relationship? Reading people happens to be one of my strongest skills, but I'm still wrong once in a while. So I make sure to minimize the damage my occassional error might do. And guess what? My love life is distinctly lacking in drama, and has been for most of my dating history.

Mmm...

...I think you have it backwards. Some people believe if you ask obvious questions, you're socially inept or haven't been paying attention.

As men, assholes will also often cockblock nice guys this way too. We'll ask honest questions, and then an asshole will come along and ask, "Did you really have to ask her that?"

People like that aren't even worth being friends with. If they can't just say what they want and everything has to be a game, then they can go play games with their hand.

I agree, but the problem is when they get in the way because women prefer humor over character in the moment.
 
I'm going to take a macroscopic perspective here and look at social responsibility.

Do you think the... initial uncertainty between networking and flirting leads to social decay?

For example, do you think networking flirtatiously at an advertising firm or TV network can lead to broadcasts which encourage dysfunctional relationships?

What about public flirting in general? Do you think public displays of affection can make less aware people awkward?

Not if you're good at it. And again, it's a fine line. But there is a way to make people have a little bit of extra fondness for you while also making it clear it's not "like that."

Flirting is not necessarily sexual. It's about presentation and getting the right reactions. In its earliest stage, flirtation is not at all sexual, unless you're just gunning to pick up that night. And this "early flirting" technique is what is similar to networking.

People have wildly variable reactions to PDA, even in our highly sexualized culture. I'm not sure there's any clear impact of it one way or the other.

Mmm...

...I think you have it backwards. Some people believe if you ask obvious questions, you're socially inept or haven't been paying attention.

As men, assholes will also often cockblock nice guys this way too. We'll ask honest questions, and then an asshole will come along and ask, "Did you really have to ask her that?"

Then let them believe that. I couldn't care less. My relationships are peaceful and well-communicated. That's all I care about.

And given that I have that attitude, do you honestly think a guy saying that would sway me? I would just write him off as someone who's more concerned with his image than he is with his relationships. I don't have any time in my life for guys like that.

Also, just because I may already know the answer does not necessarily mean they know that. They may or may not think it's an obvious question. But I've never had someone tell me I was asking a stupid question; most guys are very appreciative that I take an interest in hearing it from them.

I agree, but the problem is when they get in the way because women prefer humor over character in the moment.

That is a problem within that individual woman. Like I said, guys like that don't appeal to me, and they're not difficult to spot.
 
Assuming we're discussing the typical monogamous romantic relationship, I'd say so. Whether or not you "put it in" isn't really the question; it's not basketball.

It would also be cheating in my eyes if my partner was carrying on a long-distance romantic relationship with someone they had never even touched. Having sex is not the issue. The issue is a violation of the understood parameters of the relationship. The dishonesty and lack of integrity is what's wrong with cheating.

If anything, I would be even more pissed if my partner thought that doing everything but intercourse meant it wasn't cheating. Not only is that dishonest and lacking in integrity, but it's also sort of an insult to my intelligence and displays an extremely shallow and child-like grasp of relationships.

If your actions would harm your significant other then your actions are wrong. It doesn't matter what you call it. If your intention is to deceive your significant other by keeping your actions and your intent secret, you have cheated.
,
 
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Not if you're good at it. And again, it's a fine line. But there is a way to make people have a little bit of extra fondness for you while also making it clear it's not "like that."

Flirting is not necessarily sexual. It's about presentation and getting the right reactions. In its earliest stage, flirtation is not at all sexual, unless you're just gunning to pick up that night. And this "early flirting" technique is what is similar to networking.

People have wildly variable reactions to PDA, even in our highly sexualized culture. I'm not sure there's any clear impact of it one way or the other.

That's not really what I was asking.

Say you have a news program where anchors are playfully flirting with each other.

That broadcast gets sent to plenty of households who are impressed to believe it's tolerable behavior. In reality, it might seem arrogant to people of lesser social status than the anchors because they're not as sophisticated.

Then let them believe that. I couldn't care less. My relationships are peaceful and well-communicated. That's all I care about.

And given that I have that attitude, do you honestly think a guy saying that would sway me? I would just write him off as someone who's more concerned with his image than he is with his relationships. I don't have any time in my life for guys like that.

Also, just because I may already know the answer does not necessarily mean they know that. They may or may not think it's an obvious question. But I've never had someone tell me I was asking a stupid question; most guys are very appreciative that I take an interest in hearing it from them.

That is a problem within that individual woman. Like I said, guys like that don't appeal to me, and they're not difficult to spot.

Unfortunately, the world isn't full of women as sweet as you, Smoke.
 
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