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The splits schisms wars and genocides are all just part of life's rich tapestry to her are they?
Or that god loves wondrous diversity.
The very existence of so many differing churches supposedly worshipping the same God suggest that the many worshippers select their God to fit their worldview/prejudices.
I want to get people's honest take on this as I struggle with it and am curious about other points of view.
I believe in God and Jesus, but I have trouble going to church for a few reasons.
1. The people, they are insufferable. I have been in 20 or so churches looking for a good fit and without a doubt, I find the same people in slightly different clothes. I am a person who is highly sensitive to people and my bull**** antenna is very good and I instinctively understand people very deeply very quickly (my friends think its a bit creepy when I tell them what they are thinking, but I tend to know what the people around me are thinking almost all the time and with a high accuracy). When I go to church, I find nothing but lies and bull****. The people put on a mask and never reveal who they are but instead what the expectations of the situation need them to be. There are exceptions of course, but its all so formulaic, certain types of support and love are expected and people put their game face on and go through the motions. The truth is, people are flawed and they should let themselves show that they are flawed or else there is nothing for people to connect to each other with. (I have a problem with this everywhere and its why I have been lonely most of my life, because I never had tolerance for social convention (instead, I go for truth) and ignoring that scares people and puts them way out of their comfort zone)
2. As a result, I am distracted and have trouble connecting to the moment and finding the spiritual feeling of church. Truth be told, I tend to do better in the shower in the morning when I have my me time and can pray and ask questions and get answers and wisdom. In the quiet times is when I do well, not in groups which distract me and throw off my center.
3. Whenever I pray for help to do this, I get this "its not my path and don't worry about it" feeling, but it still bothers me as as far as I can tell, its what I am supposed to be doing. I can tell when I ask over and over, I get an annoyed and shut up feeling back, so I am trying to find a way to get past it (in other words, get over myself and my doubts and do what is right for my path)
What is your take? I may or may not listen, but my experience thus far is that Churches take me away from God rather than closer because of the feelings of frustration I get from them. I would be happiest just being among friends with a nice cup of coffee and talking sincerely and spontaneously than some formulaic approach to things which may or may not happen to match up with my mood at the moment. Anyone else have experiences like this?
I am the creative, social, and spontaneous type that doesn't do well in structured environments (yet at the same time, I am well rounded, my right side tends to come up with my goals while my left side tends to get engaged in how to achieve those goals, I am also a good engineer, but I am dominant right side, slightly). I respond best to fluid and ever changing situations and I think that is my main problem in this realm.
The same goes With many Things, politics, economic view Points, philosophies and so on, that doesn't mean there isn't a fact of the matter, or certain facts of the matter.
Which ones are which? Pick the wrong one and you're condemned to hell, with no way of knowing till it's too late.
Depends on Your view of hell, but my point stands, the fact that there are many different opinions on something doesn't make the thing a worthless endevor.
It's not my view, them's the rules of the game. "Nobody but me!" but which one?
You don't know the ten commandments?