I grew up in a extremely religious household. I grew up as an Eastern right Catholic, though I knew very little of my faith or just any faith in general. I knew what "we were to believe in" but I didnt necessarily believe anything i was taught in Catholicism classes or what i heard in church. Actually now that I think about it, i used to day-dream during mass. I was and still am the type of person that questions everything i find unconvincing. During the end of my elementary school years I was a self proclaimed atheist, granted I didnt know what an "Atheist" was, looking back now i was one. I remember pretending to be asleep every Sunday so that there might be a chance i wouldnt have to go to the 9:30 mass that day.
I never prayed as well; only when I had to memorize the lines for my communion class. I didnt even take that seriously but it was something I couldnt not do.
Middle school comes by and bigger decisions are made (at least they were big for a middle school girl at the time), and I recall to this day me blaming "God," for every horrible thing that happened to me. I remember testing God so many times... one day i thought hard to myself, "I dont believe in God, why am I blaming him for my troubles?" I was in a really messed up place for a middle school girl. I often times had suicidal thoughts, and they were serious, I cried myself to sleep every night and I didnt even know why I was crying. I felt that my presence on earth was worthless. I meant nothing to anyone; and to make it worse I didnt have an adult that I could trust to talk too, because I was the daughter that separated herself from her family all the time.
High school starts and Its freshman year... my friend from childhood who is a Catholic told me to join this Church Youth Group for High school students only with her. I hesitated and I kept denying her invitation. Note my friend knows nothing of me being an Atheist, to her im another catholic. After that day of school I went home to see my cousin, ironically he asked me what grade I was in and once he knew that I was in High school, he told me that im going to this youth group he helped start called the Breath Of Life youth group. My cousin doesnt know about my Atheism beliefs as well and believe it or not that conversation about the youth group was the first real conversation i had with him.
So i was kinda forced to go to this youth group and I had to introduce myself to everyone in the group because its a tradition with them. I flat out told the couple dozen youths that im not a legit Catholic like the rest of the group members; i said that i question the Catholic religion, God, and just every religion in general. To my surprise, I didnt get a strange look from anyone in the room. I cant describe the feeling I had after that. Shortly after we got into our "groups" i was pulled aside by a leader who is also a seminarian. We talked the whole time and we even had individual meetings just him and I. He talked to me and respected my views, he helped me realize why I thought certain things and he answered each and every one of the doubting questions i had. On my own I decided I wanted to give praying a shot. I started simple and began to work up to praying the rosary daily. I began to attend adoration and just really contemplate my life. After every prayer, adoration attendance, Breath Of Life meeting, i felt like the demons in me were beginning to surrender. I was a new person, family became really important to me, my focus level improved, my studies mattered, my life became more clear. I had a new Breath Of Life and I can only thank the people God put in my life to lead me to this group.
I now read the bible daily, i have also read many other religious books just to really get a grasp of what others believe and I have respect for all the other religions but for me at least Eastern Right Catholicism is for me.