yes, it is
no, it isn't
She's 18 now, so, though she's likely too emotionally immature to make the decision, she's certainly free to do all of the things you've mentioned above -- including leaving her home and going to live with another relative.
As long as she's living in her parents' home, I'd say she's stuck. The only one that really sticks out as ridiculous in your list is that she's not allowed to go out by herself...though, what culture is this young woman? If she's Muslim, there'd be good reason.
Thank you, Quazi!
Sounds like my mother
The whole no high school, no friends, no Facebook, no cell phone, no dating, and no going outside is definitely flat out abuse. Social interaction is a need of all human beings. Forcibly removing social interaction from someone's life, especially a teenager's, is abuse. Even criminals are allowed to socially interact in prison.
Thank you, Quazi!
Last I checked, false imprisonment is a felony. One phone call and mommy's off in cuffs.
She could be free if she truly wanted to. Would it be easy? Nope, but life usually isn't.
The world relies on socializing. A highly intelligent person with no social skills will get nowhere in life, even if they are intelligent. A moron with good social skills on the other hand can get somewhere, albeit not very far. And an intelligent person with great social skills will become a very important individual.
I personally would just consider it overprotective and bad parenting. The mother needs to loosen the strings.
It could be considered abuse, though. I am sure that there are at least some places that would consider such overprotectiveness of a teenager, especially one who is legally an adult, abuse, since if this were a spouse doing this to another spouse, it would be abuse. I know this because the Navy is quite thorough in going into great detail about anything that would be classified as spouse abuse under the law, and what you described is one of the situations that was considered abuse because it makes a person completely dependent on another person. There really is no means for the other person to get out of the situation without a lot of help from the government. Which, in the government's eyes, is not a good thing.
Now, I hope this girl is able to get out of there as soon as she graduates and find a way to make it on her own. I'm sure there is some help out there for her, and if you know her personally, maybe you could help her when she is ready or convince her to get away from her parents/mother (I am not necessarily saying completely cut them from her life, but the mother is much too controlling for the relationship to be healthy). I was trying to find some websites that might help her.
"A woman is like a teabag, you never know how strong she is until she gets in hot water." - Eleanor Roosevelt
Keep your religion out of other people's marriages.
As even more abuse comes out. Her mom found her Facebook last August and as punishment she forced her to not go back to high school. So she's ruining her education and social life as "punishment" for something she was legally allowed to do to begin with. Even though the law clearly states that once you turn 13 you no longer need parent's permission to join social networks and forums. She said that she had to make a new one and is afraid of putting up pictures of herself and she even had to use a fake name to avoid her mom finding her.
Last edited by Tyrannosaur; 05-03-11 at 02:51 PM.
Based on hearing only one side of the equation, it certainly looks like control-freak overprotectivism of some sort. However, I've only heard one side of the story...
For all I know, the girl may suffer from mental illness, or have a history of doing self-destructive things when not closely supervised.
If this is someone you know and you are considering taking action to intervene, I would advise caution. The situation may be more complex than you realize.
I also found out a long time ago that playing Knight In Shining Armor (KISA) and rescuing Damsels In Distress (DID's) is ultimately unrewarding. DID's tend to be in distress because, on some level, they LIKE being in distress. Rescue them from one distress, and they might be grateful for a week or a month... until they get bored and leave to find some trouble to get into.
I keep my Shining Armor locked away in the closet these days... it isn't worth the hassle...
Fiddling While Rome Burns
Carthago Delenda Est
"I used to roll the dice; see the fear in my enemies' eyes... listen as the crowd would sing, 'now the old king is dead, Long Live the King.'.."