View Poll Results: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

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  • Yes. I am a man.

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  • Yes. I am a woman.

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Thread: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

  1. #21
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    One of my best friends is a girl that I have known since 8 and have never thought about in a sexual way. She is like my sister and I love her to death.

  2. #22
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    Of course, I have plenty of female friends that I have absolutely no interest in anything but friendship with. You have to be mighty immature to want to sleep with everything of the opposite sex.
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  3. #23
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    I've had a close friend since college who is female, and there was never any question of our hooking up. She got married and had kids. I got married and had kids. Neither of our spouses are worried about it. We aren't worried about it. What's the big deal?

    Good grief. It's not like we are still 16.
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  4. #24
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    Both my husband and I have friends of the opposite sex. I would have been in big trouble if it wasn't possible to have friends of the opposite sex since the majority of the people I worked with in the military were guys. In fact, in Hawaii, with the exception of the last 6 months I was there, I only worked with men. All of my female friends there came from socializing at the bar I went to. And I have lived with guys who I had no interest in being with and they had no interest in being with me (the only one who might have at one time, I compared to my brother when we first met, pretty much killed his interest, and the one I lived with the longest liked really big girls and I am rather small).

    Now, having said that, it doesn't mean that in every situation where a man and a woman are friends they are strictly platonic or that either or both parties want it to be platonic. In your situation, I don't believe that it is unreasonable for her to ask him not to give her gifts/flowers/whatever on occasions other than birthdays or holidays when people would normally give gifts. And they shouldn't be exchanging any romantic gifts at all. I don't think there should be an issue with her inviting him over, if you guys are inviting others over, but he probably shouldn't be coming over "just because" any time that you aren't there. That's a bit inappropriate, especially if they used to date.
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  5. #25
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by nonpareil View Post
    There's two scenarios here:

    1. You are paranoid and make a mountain out of a mole hill in terms of your description of their current relationship. If they are friends, giving each other gift during Christmas and B-Day are normal. So is inviting him over for a party or a gathering of friends since you all live close to each other. Try to be objective. Write down all the times those things have happened over the last 6 months or since they broke up.

    2. If having done that, you find that you are not paranoid, leave her dude. She obviously is not making you a priority in her life. If she's doing something that hurts you (and objectively would hurt most people in your situation) in order to keep a close relationship with the ex, she's not over him yet. She ain't worth your time.
    NP's post is sensible. It all depends on what is happening.
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  6. #26
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    I work in a male-dominated field, and I have many platonic male friends. I think it's absurd to assume that people of different genders can't value each other as people beyond just being sexually interested.

  7. #27
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    Re: Can a man and a woman be JUST friends?

    Quote Originally Posted by Curious George View Post
    That's exactly what's happening and she's my girlfriend. We were together for a year when we were 17/18 and we've been together for three months or so now again (we're both 29). I don't believe she's cheating on me with her ex but I definitely feel like the contact they have is inappropriate and I've asked her to put a stop to it, but she refuses. She believes I'm just being jealous and that, if I trust her, I shouldn't have a problem with what she's doing.
    It sounds to me like she is falling back on the age old feminine wiles of semantics and guilt. She is overpowering you while leaving her options open. I think you have two choices. The strongest position is simply to say 'bye bye for now, call me when you decide what you want'. Its the working model of the old expression, "If you love something set it free. If it comes back it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was." In the meantime don't wait around.

    Position #2 is to let her decide. Unfortunately, doing it that way hands over all power in the relationship to her. Even if she chooses you, you might not like what you eventually get. If you walk away but still just wait around you are still surrendering.

    The relationship you want is a fair one, with power distributed in a way you are both comfortable with. If you don't get that, any long term relationship will be a power struggle. If she still has unfinished business from her old relationship it is better if she works it out with "him". You cannot work it out for her because you are not him.
    Last edited by chuck schmidt; 02-19-11 at 10:11 PM.
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