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What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?


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Full sex talk... depends on what you mean by that. Going into all the knitty gritty details? I would probably wait until early adolescence for that one, but I think talking to them about reproduction and how they were created can be told to them in simpler forms at younger ages.

I would start giving them some form of talk as early as possible if they show a curiosity, otherwise just before puberty and at puberty I would give them the proper talk.

Is it so shameful to talk to your kids about sex. Are you ashamed that you had sex in order to create your kid? I don't understand.
 
Is it so shameful to talk to your kids about sex. Are you ashamed that you had sex in order to create your kid? I don't understand.

people have whacky ideas about sex. It's so dirty and embarrassing, and yet, most of us do it on a regular basis (or wish we were).
 
During the "latency phase," my daughter and I talked about drugs, alcohol, violence, racism, gangs, bullies, mean girls, how to explain her racial background to idiot rednecks, her upcoming period, etc. When the sex discussions have come up, they've come up as just another question she was asking me about life, not "the big talk." I'd already started answering her questions about life candidly and honestly, and without being shocked by them, so when she had questions about sex, it seemed normal for her to come to me and ask them, albeit rather traumatic for me at times.

The sex conversation is just another conversation that we start having with our children about life, and how to live.

This enviable relationship could be a result of your daughter being female, or it could be a result of you being a single mom and/or the mom of kids with a distant and unapproachable father (not sure how old your daughter was when you divorced).

For better or for worse, my kids had a lot of male influences in their life- a very solid dad, an accepting stepdad, and of course their beloved grandpa, who has always been very much a presence in their lives.
If they had questions of this nature, I'm sure I'm the last of the trusted adult authority figures that they would've considered going to for answers.
With or without justification, I have a reputation in my family for "freaking out", worrying too much, and basically being temperamental. While I don't think this is entirely fair- I think mostly I approach situations as a female, in contrast to everyone else in the family, who approaches them as a male- the attitude definitely got passed on to my kids, and it is not uncommon that I'm entirely left out of the loop and the last person to be informed about what is going on.

So, your open relationship with your daughter is certainly admirable, but it wasn't a relationship that I got the opportunity to have with my children.
I have a different one; it's fine. I'm glad they have so many trusted males in their life.
The only person missing out on anything because of this situation is me, missing out on a little bit of the closeness and credibility as an authority figure that I might've had with them, if everybody else in my family weren't so damned competent.
 
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This enviable relationship could be a result of your daughter being female, or it could be a result of you being a single mom and/or the mom of kids with a distant and unapproachable father (not sure how old your daughter was when you divorced).

I was divorced when she was 12, at that point, we had already had quite a lot of candid conversations. Her dad isn't distant or approachable, he's an utter prick. Unfortunately, she's realized that in the past 5 years...on her own.

So, your open relationship with your daughter is certainly admirable, but it wasn't a relationship that I got the opportunity to have with my children.
I have a different one; it's fine. I'm glad they have so many trusted males in their life.
The only person missing out on anything because of this situation is me, missing out on a little bit of the closeness and credibility as an authority figure that I might've had with them, if everybody else in my family weren't so damned competent.

I think that the relationship I have with her is more a result of my job. Working with teenagers for a living, and building relationships with them as a mentor/counselor leads to being pretty good (and comfortable) at having those kinds of conversations. Her friends come over to my house and end up asking questions about sex/life/relationships that they're embarrassed to ask their parents.

Every parent has a different relationship with their child. We're all unique and our kids are unique, so we all fit together in a slightly different way.

In some ways, I appreciate the skills that my job has given me, but it also can be weird at times. I always feel like an oddball around most of the other moms. When you've talked a client through having an abortion because her stepdad raped her, or dealt with a girl whose mom sold her to sinaloan cowboys for drugs, or had candid conversations with kids about shooting other kids...the parents at the PTA seem really weird and out of touch.

My closest friends all come from similar backgrounds...one is a former Miami cop, another one is a local public defender. We don't really fit with the mint-julep sipping junior leaguers who live in our neighborhood.
 
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It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."
 
It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex.

I think this obsession is a result of our society's repressive attitudes toward sex (and our insistence that nudity is overtly sexual), rather than a refutation of the idea that our society is repressive about sex.

It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.
 
It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."

It would be if I were in charge. :mrgreen:
 
I guess the best time is when the child starts showing an active interest in sex or bodyparts.
 
It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.

Your probably right. Oral sex on a female for starters.
 
It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."

+1000

I think this obsession is a result of our society's repressive attitudes toward sex (and our insistence that nudity is overtly sexual), rather than a refutation of the idea that our society is repressive about sex.

It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.

That's the narrative that has developed, but different attitudes towards nudity does not indicate anything about obsessiveness towards sex. Europeans are at least as sex-obsessed as Americans are.
 
To tie this back to the thread, I did pay a consequence for being such a whore. I contracted crabs, Chlamydia, ultimately genital warts. Crabs sucked, but a little shampoo does the trick. Chlamydia takes some penicillin.

Genital warts, on the other hand is with you for life. It is caused by the HPV virus, which is quite common out there. I am a very moral person. I will not be an active participant in spreading disease. Therefore, since age 25, I have had sex exactly zero times. I tried raising the issue with dates, but that was not very pleasant and I had the darnedest time finding someone who already had warts. No warts dating site out there, unfortunately. I have thought about making an internet million with the idea but I can't find any backers. I eventually stopped trying and stopped asking girls out around 27. Now I am 42 and Diabetes brings its own challenges.

As good as it feels, advise your daughter to think twice about being loose and always use a condom.

QFT


It took some courage to post that. I salute you, sir.
 
As uncomfortable as it will be for me and my children, I will feel obligated to ensure my children get a proper education about sex and sexual subjects. And I will feel more comfortable to know that either me or my wife have educated my children rather than a school teacher or anyone else.

I wouldn't tell other people when they should teach their kids (not my place to do so), but I plan to educate my kids around the time they reach puberty.
 
+1000



That's the narrative that has developed, but different attitudes towards nudity does not indicate anything about obsessiveness towards sex. Europeans are at least as sex-obsessed as Americans are.


How soon we forget B L Zeebub. :lol:

I haven't been to Europe in a long time, but I didn't see anything any freer sexually than in the states. I did however, see a lot of social gender inequality.
 
Whenever the kid is in puberty I guess.
 
I think this obsession is a result of our society's repressive attitudes toward sex (and our insistence that nudity is overtly sexual), rather than a refutation of the idea that our society is repressive about sex.

It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.

Well I must be from Europe then because sex is overrated. I rather have blueberry pie.
 
I think it depends on the child, boy or girl. I got my first "talk" at 9, but it was mainly because I directly asked my mother about "noises" I heard coming from my parents' room the night before (they had forgotten I had went with my aunt to babysit some neighbor kids or thought that I was going to spend the night at my aunts' house). I continued to have open conversations with my mother throughout my teenage years about sex. I think this was definitely good for me, and my mother's method seems to have worked pretty well, since all six of us children have reached adulthood with no high school pregnancies (and I would bet the last of the children in his teens probably won't sire a child in the next two years either). I do think it is important to at least have a talk by age 11, especially with a girl, because most girls start around this age.
 
I think this was definitely good for me, and my mother's method seems to have worked pretty well, since all six of us children have reached adulthood with no high school pregnancies (and I would bet the last of the children in his teens probably won't sire a child in the next two years either).

I don't feel like I did a real good job with the whole 'sex education" thing, when it came to my kids.
But in fact neither one of them got anyone pregnant until adulthood.
Sometimes I think parents can serve as examples of what not to do.
I never tried to give them the impression they ruined my life or derailed my plans or anything (they didn't; I didn't have anything in particular planned for my future).
But their dad is another story. He was much more the "Learn from my mistakes and don't throw away your future like I did" type.
It may have encouraged them to be more careful.
 
I don't feel like I did a real good job with the whole 'sex education" thing, when it came to my kids.
But in fact neither one of them got anyone pregnant until adulthood.
Sometimes I think parents can serve as examples of what not to do.
I never tried to give them the impression they ruined my life or derailed my plans or anything (they didn't; I didn't have anything in particular planned for my future).
But their dad is another story. He was much more the "Learn from my mistakes and don't throw away your future like I did" type.
It may have encouraged them to be more careful.

I think that it may have helped a little that we all saw what my cousin had to go through after she had 3 children by the time she graduated high school. The family was proud of her for graduating, but it definitely was a good lesson on how much a young, single mother struggles to make it. And my family is known for fertility, so I think all of us girls were a little scared that if even one little swimmer made it past a condom, we'd end up pregnant. I know for me, as a teenager, it wasn't worth the risk.
 
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