View Poll Results: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

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  • 9 or earlier

    7 19.44%
  • 10

    0 0%
  • 11

    5 13.89%
  • 12

    9 25.00%
  • 13

    2 5.56%
  • 14

    1 2.78%
  • 15

    2 5.56%
  • 16

    0 0%
  • 17 or older

    0 0%
  • Other/Never

    10 27.78%
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Thread: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

  1. #101
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Full sex talk... depends on what you mean by that. Going into all the knitty gritty details? I would probably wait until early adolescence for that one, but I think talking to them about reproduction and how they were created can be told to them in simpler forms at younger ages.

    I would start giving them some form of talk as early as possible if they show a curiosity, otherwise just before puberty and at puberty I would give them the proper talk.

    Is it so shameful to talk to your kids about sex. Are you ashamed that you had sex in order to create your kid? I don't understand.

  2. #102
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by Orion View Post
    Is it so shameful to talk to your kids about sex. Are you ashamed that you had sex in order to create your kid? I don't understand.
    people have whacky ideas about sex. It's so dirty and embarrassing, and yet, most of us do it on a regular basis (or wish we were).

  3. #103
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by Catz Part Deux View Post
    During the "latency phase," my daughter and I talked about drugs, alcohol, violence, racism, gangs, bullies, mean girls, how to explain her racial background to idiot rednecks, her upcoming period, etc. When the sex discussions have come up, they've come up as just another question she was asking me about life, not "the big talk." I'd already started answering her questions about life candidly and honestly, and without being shocked by them, so when she had questions about sex, it seemed normal for her to come to me and ask them, albeit rather traumatic for me at times.

    The sex conversation is just another conversation that we start having with our children about life, and how to live.
    This enviable relationship could be a result of your daughter being female, or it could be a result of you being a single mom and/or the mom of kids with a distant and unapproachable father (not sure how old your daughter was when you divorced).

    For better or for worse, my kids had a lot of male influences in their life- a very solid dad, an accepting stepdad, and of course their beloved grandpa, who has always been very much a presence in their lives.
    If they had questions of this nature, I'm sure I'm the last of the trusted adult authority figures that they would've considered going to for answers.
    With or without justification, I have a reputation in my family for "freaking out", worrying too much, and basically being temperamental. While I don't think this is entirely fair- I think mostly I approach situations as a female, in contrast to everyone else in the family, who approaches them as a male- the attitude definitely got passed on to my kids, and it is not uncommon that I'm entirely left out of the loop and the last person to be informed about what is going on.

    So, your open relationship with your daughter is certainly admirable, but it wasn't a relationship that I got the opportunity to have with my children.
    I have a different one; it's fine. I'm glad they have so many trusted males in their life.
    The only person missing out on anything because of this situation is me, missing out on a little bit of the closeness and credibility as an authority figure that I might've had with them, if everybody else in my family weren't so damned competent.
    Last edited by 1069; 06-05-10 at 07:50 PM.

  4. #104
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    This enviable relationship could be a result of your daughter being female, or it could be a result of you being a single mom and/or the mom of kids with a distant and unapproachable father (not sure how old your daughter was when you divorced).
    I was divorced when she was 12, at that point, we had already had quite a lot of candid conversations. Her dad isn't distant or approachable, he's an utter prick. Unfortunately, she's realized that in the past 5 years...on her own.

    So, your open relationship with your daughter is certainly admirable, but it wasn't a relationship that I got the opportunity to have with my children.
    I have a different one; it's fine. I'm glad they have so many trusted males in their life.
    The only person missing out on anything because of this situation is me, missing out on a little bit of the closeness and credibility as an authority figure that I might've had with them, if everybody else in my family weren't so damned competent.
    I think that the relationship I have with her is more a result of my job. Working with teenagers for a living, and building relationships with them as a mentor/counselor leads to being pretty good (and comfortable) at having those kinds of conversations. Her friends come over to my house and end up asking questions about sex/life/relationships that they're embarrassed to ask their parents.

    Every parent has a different relationship with their child. We're all unique and our kids are unique, so we all fit together in a slightly different way.

    In some ways, I appreciate the skills that my job has given me, but it also can be weird at times. I always feel like an oddball around most of the other moms. When you've talked a client through having an abortion because her stepdad raped her, or dealt with a girl whose mom sold her to sinaloan cowboys for drugs, or had candid conversations with kids about shooting other kids...the parents at the PTA seem really weird and out of touch.

    My closest friends all come from similar backgrounds...one is a former Miami cop, another one is a local public defender. We don't really fit with the mint-julep sipping junior leaguers who live in our neighborhood.
    Last edited by Catz Part Deux; 06-05-10 at 08:04 PM.

  5. #105
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

    I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."
    Quote Originally Posted by soccerboy22 View Post
    You guys are weird.

  6. #106
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex.
    I think this obsession is a result of our society's repressive attitudes toward sex (and our insistence that nudity is overtly sexual), rather than a refutation of the idea that our society is repressive about sex.

    It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.

  7. #107
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by StandUpChuck View Post
    It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

    I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."
    It would be if I were in charge.
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  8. #108
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    I guess the best time is when the child starts showing an active interest in sex or bodyparts.

  9. #109
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.
    Your probably right. Oral sex on a female for starters.

  10. #110
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    Re: What is a good age to have the FULL sex talk?

    Quote Originally Posted by StandUpChuck View Post
    It always cracks me up when people still insist we have such a puritanistic culture. I can't turn on the TV, look something up on Google or even stand in line at the grocery store without being barraged by overtly sexual advertising. Our society is obsessed with sex. Ever try to buy clothes for a little girl? Sift through the thongs, sweatpants with "Juicy" written across the butt and teeny tiny shirts designed to show off pubescent breast buds. I'm glad little boys can still dress like little boys and not strippers, but Heaven forbid they make a comment to a girl about her body. Frankly, I surprised my town's new middle school isn't shaped like a boner.

    I wonder how people know exactly what goes in behind closed doors in homes across America to insist that parents just aren't giving kids the information the kids need? The responsible parents, like the ones posting in this thread, will give their kids every bit of info. It's generally the idiots who don't bother to parent in all other areas who are the ones neglecting "the talk."
    +1000

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    I think this obsession is a result of our society's repressive attitudes toward sex (and our insistence that nudity is overtly sexual), rather than a refutation of the idea that our society is repressive about sex.

    It is my understanding that many European countries are both less repressive about sex, and simultaneously less obsessed with it.
    That's the narrative that has developed, but different attitudes towards nudity does not indicate anything about obsessiveness towards sex. Europeans are at least as sex-obsessed as Americans are.

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