View Poll Results: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

Voters
65. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes they should be able to favor one religion in a divorce dispute

    13 20.00%
  • Each parent should be allowed to expose the child to their respective faiths

    26 40.00%
  • The court should butt out of disputes of a religious nature

    18 27.69%
  • The parents should have thought of this ahead of time.

    4 6.15%
  • Other, please explain

    4 6.15%
Page 9 of 13 FirstFirst ... 7891011 ... LastLast
Results 81 to 90 of 126

Thread: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

  1. #81
    Sage
    Dezaad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Last Seen
    06-28-15 @ 10:43 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Very Liberal
    Posts
    5,058
    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by misterman View Post
    But that apparently didn't work. They can't work it out. That's why they got divorced in the first place.

    You're assuming that the right answer to this question is that each parent has the right to raise the child by his/her religion. That's what we're debating in the first place.

    What we're debating is whether the state should be involved in the matter at all whether or not the parents seem to be able to work it out and whether or not one parent or the other is right or wrong.

    Just because they can't work it out or one parent may be 'wrong' doesn't mean that the state should step in to settle the matter. It may just have to remain unresolved until the clock runs out (on the childhood of the children).

  2. #82
    Passionate
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Last Seen
    03-07-11 @ 04:35 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    15,675

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by misterman View Post
    Really? That's weird. I think lots of kids do just fine with two faiths. I imagine that would only happen if both parents are really intense about their religions - and those kind of people probably don't marry outside their faith much anyway.
    That's what we got out of the books. I just remembered something else we found in reading these books. That children who were brought up in two religions had a hard time truly associating/connecting with one religion.

    It turns out that our decision was the right one since I am no longer a Catholic by any means and refused to have my son baptized (my mother really wanted him to be bapitzed). If couples tell me they are raising their children under more than one religion, I make no judgments. That's their decision.

  3. #83
    Sage
    misterman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Seen
    02-09-12 @ 08:41 AM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    12,913

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    What we're debating is whether the state should be involved in the matter at all whether or not the parents seem to be able to work it out and whether or not one parent or the other is right or wrong.
    If the parents can't work it out, the state has to settle it. Nobody else will

    Just because they can't work it out or one parent may be 'wrong' doesn't mean that the state should step in to settle the matter. It may just have to remain unresolved until the clock runs out (on the childhood of the children).
    How does it "remain unresolved"? By choosing not to resolve it, the court is deciding to resolve it anyway - by letting each parent take the kid to their church or temple. But that's what the parents are fighting about in the first place.

  4. #84
    Sage
    misterman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Seen
    02-09-12 @ 08:41 AM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    12,913

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by aps View Post
    That's what we got out of the books. I just remembered something else we found in reading these books. That children who were brought up in two religions had a hard time truly associating/connecting with one religion.
    Yeah, I just find that hard to believe.

    It turns out that our decision was the right one since I am no longer a Catholic by any means and refused to have my son baptized (my mother really wanted him to be bapitzed). If couples tell me they are raising their children under more than one religion, I make no judgments. That's their decision.
    Not questioning your decision, but how do you know it's the right one if you didn't try it another way?

  5. #85
    Sage
    Dezaad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Last Seen
    06-28-15 @ 10:43 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Very Liberal
    Posts
    5,058
    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by aps View Post
    This is very interesting. I do think this is over the top. You can't leave a 3-year-old home alone. So he's expected to stay home from church or get a babysitter, or put his daughter in some kind of day care the church offers (assuming it offers one) when he has custody of his child that weekend? That seems to be a problem, if you ask me.

    My husband is Jewish. I was a practicing Catholic when we got engaged. We read several books about interfaith marriages. The books we read provided that kids didn't like being exposed to two religions. They worried that one parent would be mad at them if they chose the religion of the other parent. Some kids complained that they were so busy going to Temple on Friday's and Church on Sundays that they felt they had no time to hang out with friends and play sports. So we decided to raise any children we had Jewish, and that was a tough decision for me. (I'm atheist now.) So I sort of see the perspective of the mother in this case. If they agreed to raise their child a certain religion, I would feel betrayed if my separated husband changed his mind almost to spite me. I dunno.
    I am of the mind that married couples shouldn't make such agreements about these matters. If one or both parents feel that such an agreement is necessary before deciding to have children, maybe they should forgo children. What you are saying is that one parent agrees not to share their faith with their children in any truly meaningful way: a truly atrocious notion that places a wall between the parent and their child in a deep manner.

    Quote Originally Posted by aps View Post
    That's what we got out of the books. I just remembered something else we found in reading these books. That children who were brought up in two religions had a hard time truly associating/connecting with one religion.

    It turns out that our decision was the right one since I am no longer a Catholic by any means and refused to have my son baptized (my mother really wanted him to be bapitzed). If couples tell me they are raising their children under more than one religion, I make no judgments. That's their decision.
    Maybe its ok that children don't connect with either religion. The main goal in my book is that the parents and children share their lives, not that the child become one religion or another. Parents who want to control what their religion their children become are egregiously controlling. Remember people, you are GUIDING an individual PERSON, not CONTROLLING a PET or TOY.

    Which is really what the state SHOULD be trying to curb in the matter of the OP: The "controllingness" of one or both parents. Not where the children attend religious services. In my view, this case is arising because at least one parent is under the misguided notion that they are the sole person who gets to share their religion with their children. A very controlling view.

  6. #86
    Sage
    Dezaad's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Last Seen
    06-28-15 @ 10:43 AM
    Gender
    Lean
    Very Liberal
    Posts
    5,058
    Blog Entries
    1

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by misterman View Post
    If the parents can't work it out, the state has to settle it. Nobody else will
    Then it won't get settled. That is ok.



    How does it "remain unresolved"? By choosing not to resolve it, the court is deciding to resolve it anyway - by letting each parent take the kid to their church or temple. But that's what the parents are fighting about in the first place.
    And that is also the court butting out. Sometimes one side "wins", if you want to call it that, when authorities butt out. It doesn't mean that authorities agree with one side or another.
    Last edited by Dezaad; 04-26-10 at 01:37 PM.

  7. #87
    Passionate
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Last Seen
    03-07-11 @ 04:35 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    15,675

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by misterman View Post
    Yeah, I just find that hard to believe.



    Not questioning your decision, but how do you know it's the right one if you didn't try it another way?
    Because I am an atheist now (and was when my son was born). I don't believe that any higher power exists. There is no way I could have taught my son about Catholicism when I left that religion and don't remotely respect it anymore. That's how I know.

    I think if I was still going to church and my son asked if he could go, I would be shocked if my husband said, "No." That's not the way he is. For my husband, it's the cultural aspect of Judiasm that he wanted our son exposed to--not the religious aspect. He's an atheist too, now. See why we get along so well?

  8. #88
    Sage
    misterman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Seen
    02-09-12 @ 08:41 AM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    12,913

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    Then it won't get settled. That is ok.
    Not with the parents. They will either petition the court or get in a fight or whatever. The job of the court is to resolve conflicts, not ignore them.

    And that is also the court butting out. Sometimes one side "wins", if you want to call it that, when authorities butt out. It doesn't mean that authorities agree with one side or another.
    But only if the court decides that is the preferable way to handle things. Which means it is the court's resolution anyway.

    In any event, I know what you mean.

  9. #89
    Sage
    misterman's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Last Seen
    02-09-12 @ 08:41 AM
    Lean
    Undisclosed
    Posts
    12,913

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by aps View Post
    Because I am an atheist now (and was when my son was born). I don't believe that any higher power exists. There is no way I could have taught my son about Catholicism when I left that religion and don't remotely respect it anymore. That's how I know.
    Okay.

    I think if I was still going to church and my son asked if he could go, I would be shocked if my husband said, "No." That's not the way he is. For my husband, it's the cultural aspect of Judiasm that he wanted our son exposed to--not the religious aspect. He's an atheist too, now. See why we get along so well?
    So a Jew and a Catholic get married, and you end up with two (and possibly three) atheists. That works!

  10. #90
    Passionate
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Last Seen
    03-07-11 @ 04:35 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Liberal
    Posts
    15,675

    Re: Should a divorce court be able to forbid one parent to take a child to church?

    Quote Originally Posted by Dezaad View Post
    I am of the mind that married couples shouldn't make such agreements about these matters. If one or both parents feel that such an agreement is necessary before deciding to have children, maybe they should forgo children. What you are saying is that one parent agrees not to share their faith with their children in any truly meaningful way: a truly atrocious notion that places a wall between the parent and their child in a deep manner.
    I see where you're coming from, although I disagree that if we felt that such agreement was necessary we shouldn't have children. I really enjoyed the alone time I had when I would go to church. I didn't like going to church with others. I liked going by myself where I could be alone with my thoughts. No distractions. Had I pushed raising any child under both religions, I think my husband would have been okay with it. But I saw this as an opportunity to have something to myself. If I can only truly connect with my child through religion, something is terribly wrong.

    Maybe its ok that children don't connect with either religion. The main goal in my book is that the parents and children share their lives, not that the child become one religion or another. Parents who want to control what their religion their children become are egregiously controlling. Remember people, you are GUIDING an individual PERSON, not CONTROLLING a PET or TOY.

    Which is really what the state SHOULD be trying to curb in the matter of the OP: The "controllingness" of one or both parents. Not where the children attend religious services. In my view, this case is arising because at least one parent is under the misguided notion that they are the sole person who gets to share their religion with their children. A very controlling view.
    Did I miss something? Did you write a book?

    I agree with your assessment in this case. It seems completely nutty.

Page 9 of 13 FirstFirst ... 7891011 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •