What is "rightfully so" about forming a military? Every European nation has one. What do you mean by this? Do you mean becoming militarily aggressive? Asserting the nation's 'success' through show of arms? If so, that's nonsense.
The only thing in your post I can agree with is, "Europe doesn't have a need for it anyway." That's right. How does being a "superpower" benefit anyone? To what extent is it benefitting the US being involved in so many global interventions?
I see the neo-con ideological point of "exporting democracy" as just that, an ideological mission to extend to other nations (however selected) the idea of a pluralist, representative democracy that they would have no possibility of achieving if left to their own devices. The intention is not all bad, although naïve. What I think you are missing entirely is that many (or most) European nations do not have that ideological drive to convert. It might be insular or isolationist not to have that, but history has knocked that out of them.
I don't subscribe to your "tall poppy" theory. It doesn't apply to Spain's withdrawal from Iraq, or indeed any other political development I'm aware of. Spain's rejection of Aznar and the PP was a result of the clear and proven deception that they attempted in the aftermath of 11M to pin the terrorist attacks on ETA. They lied to the Spanish people and were caught out in that lie. They also lied about the reasons for entering into the Iraq war in the same way Bush and Blair lied to their people too. The Spanish people, God bless them, rejected the ETA lies and the WMD lies and kicked his ass.