Gravity (you jump up and down after sex, gravity pulls the sperm out)
Mountain Dew as a spermicide
Withdrawal (he pulls out and spills outside)
Doing it in a pool so that the chlorine kills the sperm
Prayer (God wouldn't let me get pregnant)
Greenhouse gases: Any gas that, by an accident of chemistry, happens to absorb radiation of a type that the Earth, by an accident of history, would like to lose.
The internet is like a herd of performing elephants with diarrhoea -- massive, difficult to redirect, awe-inspiring, entertaining, and a source of mind- boggling amounts of excrement when you least expect it.
I was discovering that life just simply isn't fair and bask in the unsung glory of knowing that each obstacle overcome along the way only adds to the satisfaction in the end. Nothing great, after all, was ever accomplished by anyone sulking in his or her misery.