Just out of curiosity, but are you trying to compare the love one has of a family member to the love one has for their own country in this scenario?
It seems some of us are failing to comprehend the hypothetical.
Torturing this murderous thug is the ONLY way to save your family. There are no qualifiers, there are no exceptions, there are no what-if scenarios or anything like that. If you do not torture this murderous thug it is a certainty that your family will die. It was made black and white for a reason.
Refuse to torture, family dies.
Now, what is your final answer?
My home--family and friends--my community, my nation, and only then the rest of humanity. That is the moral precedence to be applied.
And thus I am not become what I despise.
As for someone torturing me? Well, if that were necessary to save their child, I don't doubt that they would. If I were in the position of the murderous thug, I would expect any man to hunt me down, fight me, capture or kill me, and if capturing me to torture me for whatever information I might have that would rescue their child from harm. As he is a man, I would expect no less from him.
Of course, I am sure there are those who would torture me simply for the joy of it. Such is the way of the world. It matters not.