values are higher than before
values are the same
values are lower than before
I act as a McKenzie (a court advisor to those who cannot afford a solicitor in family + contact cases) and have seen and advised all sorts of fathers (and some mothers who battle to see their kids) and can tell you from personal experience in court that it is not simply down to the father / men to work it out.
The basic problem is a "winner takes all" court system that by its nature, rewards those who win custody to act as "possessors" of children. I don't know how the child maintenance system works in the USA but the UK one has a basic premise behind it - the more contact a father has with his children - the less maintenance he pays. I'm sure you can see the pluses and minuses of the system: a father with lots of contact time obviously has lots of care costs to cover so should not pay more maintenance. However, the counterside of that is that a mother who restricts contact or cuts it off stands to claim a greater percentage of her ex's salary as child maintenance.
However if your ex wife is so inclined she can make visitation very inconvenient if not impossible. But again, men need to band together and fight for their father/parenting rights in courts as a group. There are many problems with men being forced to pay for children that aren't theirs and there is no law that says a woman must tell a man she has had his baby. So it's not all together uncommon for a one night stand to result in a child the father is completely oblivious about for years. A woman can successfully take a man to court when a child is 3, sue for child support, and win despite his just being told that he even has a kid. Women have the right to abort a child and thus they have complete control over when they become a parent while men don't even have the right to know that they have parented a child. The only way to get the pendulum to swing back to a more fair center is for men to join together in insisting on changes in the system. Women should be held accountable for manipulating and abusing the system. Children aren't pawns. I'm positively shocked by what men sit around and take when it comes to children and their rights as fathers. On a womans whim they are easily turned into sperm donors and wallets. Fathers are not optional. But it is up to them to recognize the unfairness of the system and demand their rights as a group. Otherwise it just appears as if they don't care and enjoy having an excuse to be let off the hook. The damage this does to children is seen throughout our entire society.
Last edited by talloulou; 03-02-09 at 01:33 PM.
My family values were higher yesterday than today. Of course my husband did buy me a new phone yesterday so that may or may not have something to do with it......
Is what you're living for today, worth dying for tomorrow?
Another thing we have here in the UK is social housing - houses that are owned by local govt and tenancy is distributed according to need. Young girls know that if they become pregnant they immediately go to the top of the housing list and can get themselves a house to themselves. The problem in that scenario is that if a father is on the scene she may lose that right to a house. Children's rights to contact with both parents are damned in such a scenario.
What hope is there for men when the information is not available about the consequences of becoming a father and losing contact?
The UK system changed a while back - if a mother made a claim on social funds she was obliged to inform the authorities of who the father was. If she falsely accuses someone who subsequently (through DNA) finds he is not the father then he gets all his money back.
One chief justice in 2003 issued his view that if the mother was so implacably hostile to contact that it distressed the child, then no contact with the father would be allowed.
There is a long uphill battle and the first bit is the men's magazines to start actually informing men of the minefield that is becoming a father.
Good points. Boys should be taught all about the inconsistencies within the legal system when it comes to parenting and their rights right along with sex ed.
"You're the only person that decides how far you'll go and what you're capable of." - Ben Saunders (Explorer and Endurance Athlete)
I was not indicating that the why is important for justification/judgement reasons, but rather as a means to understanding how and why the relationship failed, so that those within it can learn and apply new methods towards getting along so that all within the unit, whether it be divorced with new partners or not, are happier and better adjusted so that all prosper, especially any children.
For that reason, and for others as well, I would argue that the why is relevant to everybody, including you.