View Poll Results: Should birth records be open to adopted children

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Thread: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

  1. #1
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    Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    I haven't posted a poll so hope I can figure out how.

    For a few years I've been all but certain I was adopted as an infant. It is not only how much I don't look like either of my parents and different core personality, but circumstantially. I am an only child born 9 years after my parents married. Always in my life has been a distant aunt and who I share much in physical appearances with. She would have just turned age 16 when I was born.

    There has never been a Christmas that she hasn't been with me, I used to be sent to her every summer for a few weeks no reason given why, always a birthday card and gift from her. She came to my graduation. When I was in the hospital after the attack, this seems basically confirmed. Across country the relatives that came were my parents and her. Much of the first couple days I was in a drugged up semi-conscious state and she had asked to be alone with me. Then, thinking I was asleep, she called me "my baby" many times, how she always prayed for me and she always wondered if she made "the right decision, but that she thinks I've had a good life.

    When I thought of this a few years ago I knew if I asked my parents they would tell me, but what would I ask and why? I am unconfused as to not only who my Mom and Dad are, but also who is my mother and father. It is the two people who gave up so much of their lives for me. My aunt is just my wonderfully loving aunt, but no more than that. If that decision had been made 21 years ago, it was good decision I see no reason to disturb or redefine relationships to other than what they really are.

    I don't think birth records should be open to children adopted as newborns or infants.
    Last edited by Bonnie1988; 12-20-08 at 04:21 PM.

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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    I think they should be open for more than these few of reasons.

    1. Medical reasons. Knowing your family history can be a life-saver... literally.
    2. The only person who should make this decision is the adoptee. A third party having control over these issues is preposterous.
    3. Knowing the biological parents in no way diminishes the relationship with the real parents.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    I do agree, in theory, with some of the things Tucker said, but let's be honest, some birth parents don't want to be found, if they did, they'd be the ones making the effort. I think that, at the time of adoption, the birth parents should be able to opt in or out of being contacted later, say at age 18. If the parents are amenable to being contacted, the adopted child is given that information, if not, they are not. Seems simple enough.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Prehaps we should leave their genetic records/medical history available but not reveal their identity if they want to keep it secret?
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    I don't think I've ever met a single person who wasn't interested in finding out their heritage even if it turns out it's not all roses. I certainly have a thirst for finding out where my people(family) came from on both sides and even though I've found out a lot of horrible things I've also found a lot of beautiful things. My parents are part of my heritage and I think if I had been adopted I'd want to find out who they are.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Hatuey View Post
    I don't think I've ever met a single person who wasn't interested in finding out their heritage even if it turns out it's not all roses. I certainly have a thirst for finding out where my people(family) came from on both sides and even though I've found out a lot of horrible things I've also found a lot of beautiful things. My parents are part of my heritage and I think if I had been adopted I'd want to find out who they are.
    Should it solely be the adoptee's decision though?

    I'm undecided on this. I suspect, though, that there'd be an increase in abortions if adoption became a less attractive option. Whether that matters to you or not, I dunno.

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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by JoeDavies View Post
    Should it solely be the adoptee's decision though?

    I'm undecided on this. I suspect, though, that there'd be an increase in abortions if adoption became a less attractive option. Whether that matters to you or not, I dunno.
    I don't know. I think it should go by age. Once the kid hits 18/21 he should be allowed to find out who his real parents are.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    I understand all the reasons why adopted individuals would like to know their biological parents, but I'm against giving up those records unless the biological parents have waived their right of privacy.

    In all too many cases it's the mother who makes the decision to give a child up for adoption. The reasons are many, but frequently it's because she is too young or financially unable to care for a baby. Also all to frequent, the father of the child is either unknown or wants nothing to do with it. This is a wrenching decision.

    Fast forward 10-20 years. Chances are the woman has gone on with her life, has a husband and children of her own. (The father too, but I'm using the mom as an example.) Many women don't share that information with their husbands or with their other children, either from a sense of shame that they were unable to keep their baby or because they feel the knowledge might confuse or upset their families, or because it's just to painful to discuss. In these cases, having a biological sibling/child suddenly show up could cause a real family crisis.

    In this internet age, any biological parent who wants to meet children give up for adoption can certainly make their wishes known. But those who don't for whatever reason should not be forced, particularly when they were promised privacy at the time the decision was made.

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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post

    Many women don't share that information with their husbands or with their other children, either from a sense of shame that they were unable to keep their baby or because they feel the knowledge might confuse or upset their families, or because it's just to painful to discuss. In these cases, having a biological sibling/child suddenly show up could cause a real family crisis.


    I don't see how a woman could hide the fact that she's had a child from future sexual partners.
    I mean, how are you going to explain?
    Would you say, umm, "Oh, I used to weigh 300 pounds; I've lost weight, which is why I have more stretch marks than the Fruit Stripe Gum zebra. Also, I sometimes masturbate with a two-liter soda bottle, which is why my vagina's all bent out of shape."

    That would take some balls (figuratively speaking) for a mother to try to pass herself off as a woman who's never had a baby.
    I suppose she could say she'd had a kid and it died, or something.

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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    I don't see how a woman could hide the fact that she's had a child from future sexual partners.
    I mean, how are you going to explain?
    Would you say, umm, "Oh, I used to weigh 300 pounds; I've lost weight, which is why I have more stretch marks than the Fruit Stripe Gum zebra. Also, I sometimes masturbate with a two-liter soda bottle, which is why my vagina's all bent out of shape."

    That would take some balls (figuratively speaking) for a mother to try to pass herself off as a woman who's never had a baby.
    I suppose she could say she'd had a kid and it died, or something.
    Trust me, it's been done more than once. I'd bet it's done frequently. I even know of one case where an acquaintance gave up a baby as an adolescent, and didn't tell her husband that she'd previously born a child. He was pretty stunned when the kid showed up on the doorstep.

    I don't think that men automatically can tell if a female has had a baby. I didn't get stretch marks with my first (got a few with my second), and from what my gynocologist and my husband both said, my vagina when fully healed was not "all bent out of shape."

    People are different, I guess.

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