View Poll Results: Should birth records be open to adopted children

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  • Yes

    9 42.86%
  • No

    2 9.52%
  • Depends on the circumstances

    9 42.86%
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Thread: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

  1. #41
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by ADK_Forever View Post
    Come on. I've read too many of your posts to believe you really believe this. It truly sounds like you resent being put up for adoption and cannot accept that your mother took that action with what's best for you in her mind.
    I am glad I was put up for adoption. I couldn't have asked for a better mother. I have nothing to resent. I haven't even tried to find my lifegiver. I resent irresponsible people who think they shouldn't be accountable for their actions.

    Quote Originally Posted by ADK_Forever View Post
    As already stated, this is no simple issue. Think about how hard it must have been for your mom to part with you. Can you wrap your mind and emotions around that? I can't think of a harder decision to make.
    I'm sure it might have been hard. From what I know, she was a large woman and no one knew she was pregnant. I also know that I have two older siblings. I don't begrudge her for her decision. If I was raised in a bad household, I might feel differently, but that isn't reality.

    I think some might argue that having an abortion is a harder decision to make. I know a woman who had two abortions and then gave up two later children because she couldn't go through with another abortion.

    Quote Originally Posted by ADK_Forever View Post
    Sometimes not knowing is thee best answer. Not perfect. Just the best. I sincerely hope you can come to terms with this. I am not attacking you. I feel for you.
    You don't need to feel for me. I am a firm believer in reality. The truth will set you free. People who are emotionally unhealthy don't need protection. They need professional help.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry
    The Amish are light-years ahead of the rest of the human race.



  2. #42
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Giving a child up for adoption is not a choice I would ever make with an unwanted pregnancy. I'd opt for abortion.

    The thing is, I'm pro-choice... that means that I respect the choice to carry a child to term and give it up, if that is the choice the birth mother makes. It doesn't matter if she makes that choice because of religious convictions, personal beliefs, or her own moral compass. I support her choice. That's what pro-choice is all about.

    A birth mother giving up a child for adoption is promised anonomity, unless she chooses to waive that in the future. Revoking that promise decades down the line is unfair, and a violation of her privacy. Officially revoking anonomity altogether puts undue pressure, in my opinion, on a woman who desperately does not want to be confronted by a "strange" child in the future, but who also does not believe in abortion. A woman contemplating that decision should not be pressured to decide between either to bearing a child she does not want knowing that there's a good chance she'll be confronted by that child in the future, or opting for an abortion she does not want in order to prevent that confrontation from happening.

    BTW, I also believe that birth parents do not have the right to force a meeting with the children they gave up if those children do not want it.
    I agree with your last ssentence.

    But what is wrong with a woman facing their guilt? Sure, it may be "unsettling" at first, but in the long run, she'll be better for it.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry
    The Amish are light-years ahead of the rest of the human race.



  3. #43
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    So why was Bonnie banned?

  4. #44
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    So why was Bonnie banned?
    She demanded to be.

  5. #45
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by 1069 View Post
    She demanded to be.
    That's the second strangest thing I've ever heard of anyone posting on DP.

  6. #46
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    I do agree, in theory, with some of the things Tucker said, but let's be honest, some birth parents don't want to be found, if they did, they'd be the ones making the effort.
    If you give up your child for adoption you also give up your rights to contact with the child. In effect, you are nothing more than any other citizen to the child. So, if you then try to contact the child you could be prosecuted for harassment just as any other ordinary citizen would who tries to trace someone else's child.

    This is unfortunate for those very few fathers who may discover (years after the adoption has happened) that they fathered a child from a one night stand but that is another risk from unprotected sex.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    -- I think that, at the time of adoption, the birth parents should be able to opt in or out of being contacted later, say at age 18. If the parents are amenable to being contacted, the adopted child is given that information, if not, they are not. Seems simple enough.
    Many people don't know how they would react if the child contacts them however the child should be allowed to find out about their bio-parents for the very reasons Tucker stated. As for contact - that should be up to the parties involved once initial letters / contact has been exchanged. There are already harassment and other protective laws around if one party chooses not to have further involvement.

  7. #47
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Infinite Chaos View Post
    If you give up your child for adoption you also give up your rights to contact with the child. In effect, you are nothing more than any other citizen to the child. So, if you then try to contact the child you could be prosecuted for harassment just as any other ordinary citizen would who tries to trace someone else's child.
    Yes, you're right. But by the same token, a child who goes out and tries to find their birth parents can suffer the same fate if the parents don't wish to be found.

    This is unfortunate for those very few fathers who may discover (years after the adoption has happened) that they fathered a child from a one night stand but that is another risk from unprotected sex.
    I can't say I'm particularly sorry for them, if you're a moron, you deserve what you get.

    Many people don't know how they would react if the child contacts them however the child should be allowed to find out about their bio-parents for the very reasons Tucker stated. As for contact - that should be up to the parties involved once initial letters / contact has been exchanged. There are already harassment and other protective laws around if one party chooses not to have further involvement.
    So long as it's handled respectfully and the wishes of both parties are respected, I haven't got a problem with it. However, the way it was presented, that the children have an automatic right to make any kind of contact they want with their parents whether the parents want that contact or not is ludicrous. If both parties are amenable to the contact, then by all means, knock yourself out.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

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  8. #48
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    --I can't say I'm particularly sorry for them, if you're a moron, you deserve what you get.
    It isn't always as simple or clear as that however, I'd forgotten that in the UK the laws changed in 1992 so that mothers couldn't give their kids up for adoption unless they sought and found the father to agree. Before this, women could simply make the unilateral decision to give up a child's rights and the father's.

    So it wasn't just one night stands, it was also men in married and long term couples who'd split during pregnancy this happened to. It was ridiculously easy for a mother to walk into an adoption center and hand the child over even when her ex-husband or ex partner wanted to raise the child himself.

    Your point about a man who has unprotected sex stands however "moron" is wrong when you consider the child's rights being given up.

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    -- So long as it's handled respectfully and the wishes of both parties are respected, I haven't got a problem with it. However, the way it was presented, that the children have an automatic right to make any kind of contact they want with their parents whether the parents want that contact or not is ludicrous. If both parties are amenable to the contact, then by all means, knock yourself out.
    There we are in agreement, I don't think that anyone - whether adopted or raised by birth parents have any automatic right to contact with anyone who has no wish for further contact.

  9. #49
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Infinite Chaos View Post
    There we are in agreement, I don't think that anyone - whether adopted or raised by birth parents have any automatic right to contact with anyone who has no wish for further contact.
    Independent Thinker was saying exactly that, that an adopted child had a right to contact their birth parents regardless of the parent's wishes.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

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  10. #50
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Independent Thinker was saying exactly that, that an adopted child had a right to contact their birth parents regardless of the parent's wishes.
    Yes, I did.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry
    The Amish are light-years ahead of the rest of the human race.



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