View Poll Results: Should birth records be open to adopted children

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  • Yes

    9 42.86%
  • No

    2 9.52%
  • Depends on the circumstances

    9 42.86%
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Thread: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

  1. #11
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Trust me, it's been done more than once. I'd bet it's done frequently. I even know of one case where an acquaintance gave up a baby as an adolescent, and didn't tell her husband that she'd previously born a child. He was pretty stunned when the kid showed up on the doorstep.

    I don't think that men automatically can tell if a female has had a baby. I didn't get stretch marks with my first (got a few with my second), and from what my gynocologist and my husband both said, my vagina when fully healed was not "all bent out of shape."

    People are different, I guess.
    I guess so.

    I was left stripey all over and with a 2-inch long curved episiotomy scar (actually, I have no clue how long it is, but it's definitely there).
    Dunno how that could be explained away.
    "Oh, that lil thing? I, uh, slipped and cut my poontang on a broken beer bottle. Yeah, it took twelve stitches to close it up. Couldn't sit down for a month."

    Of course, I was just a wisp of a thing in those days, and my first son was 7 pounds 14 oz.
    But yeah, it certainly took a toll.
    The next one didn't seem to do much additional damage, but he was premature. it wasn't a full-term pregnancy.

  2. #12
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    I think they should be open for more than these few of reasons.

    1. Medical reasons. Knowing your family history can be a life-saver... literally.
    2. The only person who should make this decision is the adoptee. A third party having control over these issues is preposterous.
    3. Knowing the biological parents in no way diminishes the relationship with the real parents.
    You nailed it. I was adopted at birth. All I know is that I have older siblings. I saw my mother (who was also adopted) have a bad experience meeting her biological siblings and has made me hesitant to find my own.

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  3. #13
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    I do agree, in theory, with some of the things Tucker said, but let's be honest, some birth parents don't want to be found, if they did, they'd be the ones making the effort. I think that, at the time of adoption, the birth parents should be able to opt in or out of being contacted later, say at age 18. If the parents are amenable to being contacted, the adopted child is given that information, if not, they are not. Seems simple enough.
    Screw the sperm/egg donors. Boo hoo if you have to face reality someday.
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  4. #14
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by independent_thinker2002 View Post
    Screw the sperm/egg donors. Boo hoo if you have to face reality someday.
    Hey then, by all means, have an abortion if you're going to have to face your unwanted child later on. Thanks for supporting tons of extra abortions.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Hey then, by all means, have an abortion if you're going to have to face your unwanted child later on. Thanks for supporting tons of extra abortions.
    Do you really believe that women would terminate the pregnancy because of what could happen in 18+ years? Why wouldn't they just abort in the first place? My guess is that they don't believe abortion is the personal choice for them.

    Men can take precautions to ensure they don't get a girl pregnant. They know they don't have any real say in what happens to the child.
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    There are many reasons given for sealing them.

    The first reason is so that 6 months, 1, 3, 5, 10 years later the birth-mother doesn't suddenly appear claiming now she has her life straight and wants her child back - putting the child and adoptive parents into both an emotional and leagal fight.

    Other reasons are in some ways it isn't then an adoption, but a loan, of a child for which at anytime, without warning, a child could search out the birth-mother due to conflict with the parents or the birth-mother could seek out the child. The concept of newborn adoption is a total swap of who the parents of the child are, not an ongoing quasi-relationship with the birth-mother who gave up (abandoned) the child a birth.

    On the birth-mother's end, she is giving up the child at birth by agreement because she doesn't want the child. Opening up birth records would make that impossible for her to do.

    I've never heard of anyone who was adopted at or near birth that had a good experience in searching out their birth-mother and bio-family.

  7. #17
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bonnie1988 View Post
    There are many reasons given for sealing them.

    The first reason is so that 6 months, 1, 3, 5, 10 years later the birth-mother doesn't suddenly appear claiming now she has her life straight and wants her child back - putting the child and adoptive parents into both an emotional and leagal fight.
    That can be a huge problem in adoptions. My great aunt back in the late '50's got pregnant by a married man and was pressured to give the baby up for adoption by the guy and her family. She moved to CA to give birth and once she had the baby she knew she had made an awful mistake and since she had the adoption information she started a legal battle for the baby right away and lost. Her whole life she regretted it terribly and lived a rather lonely and sad life. No one in the family knew, except my grandma and her sisters, about this until my great aunt died and we found a suitcase full of letters to the parents begging to let her talk or see her dating back from when the child was born up about 18 years and the court documents.We also found letters from her daughter that she explained she found out about her as her birth mother and wanted to see her, but that's about all it said and there was never any mention about any meeting or anything like that to us, her family. It explained alot to us about her but it was also so sad to hear about someone going though something like that. So it's hard for me to say if it always best to know all that because it can be hard on everyone. I would say though the child has a right to know everything and can make a decision on their own what they want to do with their knowledge.



    I've never heard of anyone who was adopted at or near birth that had a good experience in searching out their birth-mother and bio-family.

    I've heard bad and some good. Truly though it's only been one good story about a friend who found her birth mother who gave her up at 16 and they started a good relationship and she still lives with her adoptive mother. However, most adoption stories I have heard from people don't turn out that way.

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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by independent_thinker2002 View Post
    Do you really believe that women would terminate the pregnancy because of what could happen in 18+ years?
    If they have absolutely no control over having that child coming back to find them down the road, then I'm sure some might. A person has a right to privacy and if they do not wish to be found, that should be respected, no matter how much their birth child may wish otherwise.
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  9. #19
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Tucker Case View Post
    I think they should be open for more than these few of reasons.

    1. Medical reasons. Knowing your family history can be a life-saver... literally.
    2. The only person who should make this decision is the adoptee. A third party having control over these issues is preposterous.
    3. Knowing the biological parents in no way diminishes the relationship with the real parents.
    My adviser was adopted as a kid, he said the best thing ever was that they closed off adoption records. First off, he even talked to a doctor about the genetics thing, if there's markers or something for genetic disease. The doctor said why? If you get it, you get it. If you have the test and it confirms you have something; the only thing it will do will be to make it near impossible to get insurance to cover you when you need it.

    He has seen families ruined by interference of the parents, either adoptive of biological, when both are known about. Is it possible for this not to be the case? Of course, but on average it will happen with a fairly good frequency. If the child is raised by a family and becomes successful, then there's nothing to prevent the birth parents from trying to get back in. The reverse is true as well. Maybe a family has given up a child early in their marriage when they don't have means to support; but later become very successful. There can then be a lot of resentment from child towards birth parents.

    I do agree that if you are to have this, the only one able to open records should be the one whom was adopted. But I think it behooves many people to think about this; knowing the truth won't necessarily bring about a better circumstance. Those given up for adoption were given up for adoption for a reason and the one's whom raised you and loved you are your true parents anyway. You can drudge up extremely painful memories, or hurt whole new ones; and these affects are well more probable than a Disney ending.
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  10. #20
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    Re: Should birth records be available to adopted children?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    If they have absolutely no control over having that child coming back to find them down the road, then I'm sure some might. A person has a right to privacy and if they do not wish to be found, that should be respected, no matter how much their birth child may wish otherwise.
    They gave up their right to privacy when they fornicated. Let them get a restraining order if the first meeting doesn't go well.
    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry
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