View Poll Results: Was I wrong to ask her to stop?

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Thread: Was I wrong?

  1. #81
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    I hope you're right. Honestly, I know so many gays and lesbians, and I've never met one who behaved the way you described, so I honestly believe that it's more about her being an asshole... they exist everywhere... than the fact that she's homosexual. That's just the ax she uses to get her way. The lesbians I know would be horrified by that behavior.
    Yup. She's just an asshole. And I feel sorry for her kid--really, can you imagine the embarrassing incidents of the future?

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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    How badly do you want to keep this job? Because I, like you, could have kept my calm, up until the moment they told me I was going to have to work with this militant lesbian. At that point, I would have flipped my lid. And not because I have a problem with people who are gay / lesbian. Just because she's a militant asshole who is going to do nothing but make your life miserable.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chomsky
    It's easy to be a Conservative, until you need help.
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    After years of condemning Bill Clinton for being a rapist, Republicans apparently changed their minds about the whole thing and elected one of their own.


  3. #83
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Cephus View Post
    Time to start wearing a camera all the time to record all interactions with parents, I think. The liberal world has forced it to come to that.
    Aaannnnd my finger moves away from the "like" key.

    Sheesh, not everything has to do with politics.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chomsky
    It's easy to be a Conservative, until you need help.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal
    After years of condemning Bill Clinton for being a rapist, Republicans apparently changed their minds about the whole thing and elected one of their own.


  4. #84
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    Yep. Screwed. We knew it. I assume you're not being paid for this and I give you all the props in the world for sticking with it. If it were me, they could find a new coach.

  5. #85
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    I hope you're right. Honestly, I know so many gays and lesbians, and I've never met one who behaved the way you described, so I honestly believe that it's more about her being an asshole... they exist everywhere... than the fact that she's homosexual. That's just the ax she uses to get her way. The lesbians I know would be horrified by that behavior.
    Well he did mention that her partner was overly quiet. Guess now we know why.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chomsky
    It's easy to be a Conservative, until you need help.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cardinal
    After years of condemning Bill Clinton for being a rapist, Republicans apparently changed their minds about the whole thing and elected one of their own.


  6. #86
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    the thought crossed my mind, but i want to be a high school coach or maybe further. to do that i need a solid coaching resume. If i quit over this, i could not use the city as a reference of experience. Potential actual coaching job may call for a reference and there is no way that can be worded to sound good for me. I left after a problem with a homosexual couple. No matter how that is worded, I come out looking like a bigot.
    I commend you for that decision and wish you the best of luck.

  7. #87
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    Well that certainly could have gone better. The worst victim in my mind is the daughter, who may have learned a really unpleasant lesson about how the world works. Unpleasant for everyone else, that is.

  8. #88
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    damn! where to start?
    ok, the couple's kid. G_d bless him, because he has a difficult journey immediately ahead of him

    Janfu has mentioned this earlier in the thread and i cannot encourage you enough to follow that advice: create a file on your personal computer and record every event exactly as you recall. play-by-play. NO commentary; this real-time record needs to document factually what is transpiring. fortunately, thanks to your thread, you can assemble the initial entries by cutting & pasting your descriptive posts. NOT your conclusions, inferences, thoughts, anything other than the facts. just maintain a running entry as soon as you come home so that your record is clear and continuous. take notes on the field if you must to assure your record is accurate and complete
    right now, you recall many things. you have already acknowledged you are vague about what you precisely said. be absolutely clear going forward. and this record will serve you well down the road if her motivations are to litigate. hopefully, they are not ... but you must prepare for the worst. please do a memorandum for the record after every episode in which something seems irregular to you

    as a sports official of 31 years, it appears you did absolutely nothing wrong. i would say you handled the initial sequence of events expertly. you listened to the woman explain her unique personal situation and you tried to assure her that her relationship would in no way impact the way you coached the team. perfect. and then, when you were coordinating team introductions, you intervened to preempt the woman's inappropriate intrusion into the team's activities. she was stepping all over your role as coach. and you did not permit that. kudos

    not so much for park & rec. they allowed you to believe you were coming to meet with them to give your side of the story. of course they needed to document in any instance in which a parent alleges the coach acted improperly. and you showed up, thinking that was what you were going to do explain what happened from your perspective. but the park/rec officials blindsided you into a confrontation with a woman on a mission. not only did they retain the kid on your team but added his parent as an assistant coach. besides giving modest financial concessions that only allows the parent to believe she has won. that her approach works. because it did

    you say this coaching activity is essential for your portfolio to qualify as a high school coach. you indicated you have an 8th grade team that you coach. to me, this tee ball skill set appears to be moving you backwards from your goal. in addition to maintaining that memoranda of record as events unfold, you should be seeking a different coaching position to move to. something like a travel ball team. or better yet, to a high school that needs an assistant coach. maybe you only coach round ball. but if you are a football coach you should be working with a high school team over the summer. not a whole lot of guys volunteer for that. be found helping a weak program get stronger. pee wee ball credentials, in your present scenario, is not worth the headache you will continue to have. she will want to disagree with your defensive assignments. ditto for the batting order. she will whine when her kid is not given the plum opportunities to excel and be seen. count on it. park and rec has set the tone for her to expect it. she will be your biggest critic. who needs that from an assistant coach you did not ask for. find something better and let park and rec deal with her as the head coach who succeeds you when you resign after finding a better assignment
    in the meantime, document EVERYTHING that is non-routine. have i said that enough?! don't share it with anyone that you even have the chron record of events - unless you need it to defend yourself. if they surprise you next time, you can then surprise them with your exacting documentation
    because i officiate youth games i must annually buy a background check from first advantage to document that i present no negative history with kids. i would encourage you to seek a background check from first advantage (mine was $10) and then encourage park and rec to require one from all coaching staff - if you stick around that long. if would not surprise me if she does not check out alright. would park & rec want an uncleared person around a bunch of kids? PM me if you want more info and i will share it

    that this woman would find it necessary to initially approach you as she did, insisting that you become aware of her sexual orientation, which otherwise would have remained unknown to you, tells me that she is either looking to litigate for money or validation or both ... or she is ****ing crazy. that she exposed her circumstance to the parents and then interrupted your team introductions to put that out there indicates it may be the latter. find something else to so. NOW. and **** park & rec
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  9. #89
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by iliveonramen View Post
    Who knows...they may play it safe but I find it hard she can prove that you told her to "hide her sexuality" because the words never left your mouth. Something like that is virtually impossible to prove unless she lies and then if she lies it's he said vs she said which isn't exactly going to fly.

    At the end of the day, she was obnoxious and other parents seem like they would back you up on that. I'm don't think there's any legal right to barrage everyone as soon as you meet them like you're reading them their Miranda rights.
    Greetings, Kreton.

    : Some people have a chip on their shoulder - this one sounds like she has a cement block! I agree with the others on here...take as many people with you as you can to back up your story. If they can't or won't come with you, suggest to the people that you are meeting with that they take the initiative and contact some of the other parents who were there, since it's your reputation on the line, and it's unfair to be judged without all the facts being known.

  10. #90
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by justabubba View Post
    damn! where to start?
    ok, the couple's kid. G_d bless him, because he has a difficult journey immediately ahead of him

    Janfu has mentioned this earlier in the thread and i cannot encourage you enough to follow that advice: create a file on your personal computer and record every event exactly as you recall. play-by-play. NO commentary; this real-time record needs to document factually what is transpiring. fortunately, thanks to your thread, you can assemble the initial entries by cutting & pasting your descriptive posts. NOT your conclusions, inferences, thoughts, anything other than the facts. just maintain a running entry as soon as you come home so that your record is clear and continuous. take notes on the field if you must to assure your record is accurate and complete
    right now, you recall many things. you have already acknowledged you are vague about what you precisely said. be absolutely clear going forward. and this record will serve you well down the road if her motivations are to litigate. hopefully, they are not ... but you must prepare for the worst. please do a memorandum for the record after every episode in which something seems irregular to you

    as a sports official of 31 years, it appears you did absolutely nothing wrong. i would say you handled the initial sequence of events expertly. you listened to the woman explain her unique personal situation and you tried to assure her that her relationship would in no way impact the way you coached the team. perfect. and then, when you were coordinating team introductions, you intervened to preempt the woman's inappropriate intrusion into the team's activities. she was stepping all over your role as coach. and you did not permit that. kudos

    not so much for park & rec. they allowed you to believe you were coming to meet with them to give your side of the story. of course they needed to document in any instance in which a parent alleges the coach acted improperly. and you showed up, thinking that was what you were going to do explain what happened from your perspective. but the park/rec officials blindsided you into a confrontation with a woman on a mission. not only did they retain the kid on your team but added his parent as an assistant coach. besides giving modest financial concessions that only allows the parent to believe she has won. that her approach works. because it did
    Most awesome post in this thread thus far.

    <truncated for brevity as program would not let me quote the entire post, too many characters>
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    Eddie Valiant: Not prostate, you idiot, PROBATE!

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