View Poll Results: Was I wrong to ask her to stop?

Voters
45. You may not vote on this poll
  • Yes

    2 4.44%
  • No

    43 95.56%
Page 7 of 20 FirstFirst ... 5678917 ... LastLast
Results 61 to 70 of 194

Thread: Was I wrong?

  1. #61
    Sage

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Location
    Huntsville, AL (USA)
    Last Seen
    07-26-17 @ 11:17 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Moderate
    Posts
    9,349

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    I coach for the city here where i live. Varying sports for ages 4-13 depending on where they need help coaching. For baseball this year one of my teams is a 4-5 year old t ball team. We had our first practice last night and two women came with a little girl. I introduced myself and said hi and they immediately went on a little speech about how they are together, they are lesbians, they are raising this girl together, nothing wrong with that. Then go into whats going to happen if I discriminate against their daughter because of their sexuality, threatening lawsuits and explaining that there are laws ect. I told them I was there to teach their daughter softball, and their sexual orientation was not a factor at all and moved along. As I am meeting other parents a few of them commented that this lady had approached them and gave them a similar speech out of nowhere. After all the kids were there I gathered the kids together and started off having the kids introduce themselves to their teammates. No additional information really, just kid would say my name is Earl. And everyone would say Hi Earl to start to learn teammates names. When the little girl told everyone her name, again the lady popped into action giving her speech to everyone out there. I stopped her after about a minute and spoke to her privately, or as privately as I could on a baseball field, and let her know that it is not appropriate to interrupt a team activity like that, and again told her noone is going to be discriminating against her daughter. So today I get a call from the city letting me know she filed a complaint and is taking her child off of my team because I told her she had to hide her sexuality at our practices so it wouldn't bother other parents. I dont recall my exact wording but it was not mean, the word hiding or even sexuality didnt come out of my mouth. I only asked her not to interrupt our practices and tried to assure he that I don't care what her sexual preference is, I am there to teach baseball and the other parents are only there to watch.

    Was I wrong to ask her to stop what she was doing?
    No.

    IMO, you made it clear from the start that the issue wasn't the lesbian couple's sexual orientation as parents nor your accepting the responsibility to coach their daughter. It was their approach to ensuring that everyone including the kids knew they were a lesbian couple and that no matter what their daughter was going to play softball or someone would answer for it.

    My opinion: You're better off without the headache considering their sole purpose didn't appear to be who would coach their daughter but rather "Eeeewww! Look at us, we're lesbians!" I think alot of people would have had a problem with them, too, because it's clear they weren't looking for a team to place their daughter with. They were looking for a reason to pick a fight, somewhere to make a stand and apparently they found it.

    Good Luck to you. Based on what you've outlined above, I'd say you handled yourself and the situation very well in spite of it all.

    I don't think you were wrong in trying to keep the focus on playing softball and teaching the children the sport.
    "A fair exchange ain't no robbery." Tupac Shakur w/Digital Underground

  2. #62
    Sage
    Cephus's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    CA
    Last Seen
    Yesterday @ 10:17 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Slightly Conservative
    Posts
    28,244

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Time to start wearing a camera all the time to record all interactions with parents, I think. The liberal world has forced it to come to that.
    There is nothing demonstrably true that religion can provide the world that cannot be achieved more rationally through entirely secular means.

    Blog me! YouTube me! VidMe me!

  3. #63
    Sage
    Kreton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Last Seen
    06-30-17 @ 03:14 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    6,001

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Objective Voice View Post
    No.

    IMO, you made it clear from the start that the issue wasn't the lesbian couple's sexual orientation as parents nor your accepting the responsibility to coach their daughter. It was their approach to ensuring that everyone including the kids knew they were a lesbian couple and that no matter what their daughter was going to play softball or someone would answer for it.

    My opinion: You're better off without the headache considering their sole purpose didn't appear to be who would coach their daughter but rather "Eeeewww! Look at us, we're lesbians!" I think alot of people would have had a problem with them, too, because it's clear they weren't looking for a team to place their daughter with. They were looking for a reason to pick a fight, somewhere to make a stand and apparently they found it.

    Good Luck to you. Based on what you've outlined above, I'd say you handled yourself and the situation very well in spite of it all.

    I don't think you were wrong in trying to keep the focus on playing softball and teaching the children the sport.
    according to her, the reason she was acting that way was because of the look i gave when she told me they were together, the looks from other parents, and my wanting to get away. Her opinion is I caused her to address it. I cant say anything about the look on my face, but i dont react in any way to same sex couples. I know a few, I really don't care who is with who. I dont believe at all that I made a face in reaction to her.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


  4. #64
    Phonetic Mnemonic ©
    radcen's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2011
    Location
    Look to your right... I'm that guy.
    Last Seen
    Yesterday @ 10:48 PM
    Lean
    Centrist
    Posts
    31,893

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    according to her, the reason she was acting that way was because of the look i gave when she told me they were together, the looks from other parents, and my wanting to get away. Her opinion is I caused her to address it. I cant say anything about the look on my face, but i dont react in any way to same sex couples. I know a few, I really don't care who is with who. I dont believe at all that I made a face in reaction to her.
    Sounds like she gets those looks from everybody. In other words, if you look hard enough, you will find it.
    Donald Trump is the Joe Isuzu of politics.

  5. #65
    Sage

    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    Last Seen
    Yesterday @ 11:58 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    8,506

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    LoL, sorry but I'm going to have to call bs at this point. Either you are grossly unaware of the things you say and you're not communicating that part of the story with us OR this is just a made up partisan story OR you live in bizarro land.

    The story is just too over the top and everything is too perfectly aggravating just like a Fox news narrative.


  6. #66
    Sage
    Kreton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Last Seen
    06-30-17 @ 03:14 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    6,001

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Verax View Post
    LoL, sorry but I'm going to have to call bs at this point. Either you are grossly unaware of the things you say and you're not communicating that part of the story with us OR this is just a made up partisan story OR you live in bizarro land.

    The story is just too over the top and everything is too perfectly aggravating just like a Fox news narrative.

    I have no reason to make anything up, i dont watch fox news and am not really partisan and certainly don't have any anti homosexual agenda. Believe what you'd like though. I started this because i was curious if people thought i was out of line, since i am at times oblivious to some things and have been inadvertantly un pc in the past.

    And the only thing I said that may have been inappropriate, emphasis on may have been, was saying "gay". But I didnt say or mean it as derogatory, but that part I can somewhat understand her misinterpreting. That I could have worded better and knew it right after it was said. Nothing else I know of I said was I grossly unaware. I am presenting on here my side of what happened, probably not going to invite her in, but i listed what she said were how I made her react.
    Last edited by Kreton; 06-03-15 at 10:26 PM.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


  7. #67
    Dungeon Master
    Hooter Babe




    DiAnna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Northern California
    Last Seen
    @
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    31,108

    Re: Was I wrong?

    She is one of those rarities, a militant lesbian who is trying to draw attention to her "cause" in the most public forum available to her. You just happened to be her first stop on the way to city hall, the local news, and if she's "lucky" a few national headlines. Keep your head down, tell the truth, and wait for her to show her true colors to those she's trying to use to further her agenda.

  8. #68
    Dungeon Master
    Hooter Babe




    DiAnna's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    Northern California
    Last Seen
    @
    Gender
    Lean
    Independent
    Posts
    31,108

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    Wow. Just... wow. If I'd been you, I'd have simply refused to apologize for things that never happened and, realizing the folks I "worked" for had so little respect for me and my word, I would have resigned and found other coaching venues. This season will not end well for you, with a lying assistant coach who holds her own personal agenda above the good of the kids on the team, and the game itself.

  9. #69
    Sage
    Kreton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Last Seen
    06-30-17 @ 03:14 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    6,001

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    She is one of those rarities, a militant lesbian who is trying to draw attention to her "cause" in the most public forum available to her. You just happened to be her first stop on the way to city hall, the local news, and if she's "lucky" a few national headlines. Keep your head down, tell the truth, and wait for her to show her true colors to those she's trying to use to further her agenda.
    its not going to go that far. at least not at this point. she seems happy that i apologized and her child back on the team, and being an assistant coach to help control that. She is convincing. I want to believe she was trying to play an agenda to get some free sports, but she honestly seemed offended when we were all meeting. I dont know what to think. I probalby could have handled it better, certainly could have been better in the meeting, but i am hoping we can all focus on t ball. Sorrys have been said.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


  10. #70
    Sage
    Kreton's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2011
    Location
    Colorado Springs
    Last Seen
    06-30-17 @ 03:14 PM
    Gender
    Lean
    Other
    Posts
    6,001

    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by DiAnna View Post
    Wow. Just... wow. If I'd been you, I'd have simply refused to apologize for things that never happened and, realizing the folks I "worked" for had so little respect for me and my word, I would have resigned and found other coaching venues. This season will not end well for you, with a lying assistant coach who holds her own personal agenda above the good of the kids on the team, and the game itself.
    the thought crossed my mind, but i want to be a high school coach or maybe further. to do that i need a solid coaching resume. If i quit over this, i could not use the city as a reference of experience. Potential actual coaching job may call for a reference and there is no way that can be worded to sound good for me. I left after a problem with a homosexual couple. No matter how that is worded, I come out looking like a bigot.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


Page 7 of 20 FirstFirst ... 5678917 ... LastLast

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •