View Poll Results: Was I wrong to ask her to stop?

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  • Yes

    2 4.44%
  • No

    43 95.56%
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Thread: Was I wrong?

  1. #51
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    I coach for the city here where i live. Varying sports for ages 4-13 depending on where they need help coaching. For baseball this year one of my teams is a 4-5 year old t ball team. We had our first practice last night and two women came with a little girl. I introduced myself and said hi and they immediately went on a little speech about how they are together, they are lesbians, they are raising this girl together, nothing wrong with that. Then go into whats going to happen if I discriminate against their daughter because of their sexuality, threatening lawsuits and explaining that there are laws ect. I told them I was there to teach their daughter softball, and their sexual orientation was not a factor at all and moved along. As I am meeting other parents a few of them commented that this lady had approached them and gave them a similar speech out of nowhere. After all the kids were there I gathered the kids together and started off having the kids introduce themselves to their teammates. No additional information really, just kid would say my name is Earl. And everyone would say Hi Earl to start to learn teammates names. When the little girl told everyone her name, again the lady popped into action giving her speech to everyone out there. I stopped her after about a minute and spoke to her privately, or as privately as I could on a baseball field, and let her know that it is not appropriate to interrupt a team activity like that, and again told her noone is going to be discriminating against her daughter. So today I get a call from the city letting me know she filed a complaint and is taking her child off of my team because I told her she had to hide her sexuality at our practices so it wouldn't bother other parents. I dont recall my exact wording but it was not mean, the word hiding or even sexuality didnt come out of my mouth. I only asked her not to interrupt our practices and tried to assure he that I don't care what her sexual preference is, I am there to teach baseball and the other parents are only there to watch.

    Was I wrong to ask her to stop what she was doing?
    You were correct in asking her to stop and in fact I would have asked her to stop earlier than a minute and to talk to me about her "discrimination" worries another time and with witnesses when she first tried to bring it up. Bring along another parent to the meeting. Tell the city and her that you will record her in the future and if she does not like that then she should not speak to you as you are protecting yourself. Good luck and as a fellow coach I feel your pain. Some parents are just ****ing assholes.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
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  2. #52
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    I messed up the poll. I meant to hit NO but hit YES for some stupid reason. Sorry.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Absentglare View Post
    You can successfully wipe your ass with toilet paper, that doesn't mean that you should.

  3. #53
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    So you think I shouldn't have said anything? I am thinking now if i just let her finish to the whole group, get it off her chest it may have ended right then and there and she may not have brought it back up and no problems.
    But it didn't end... you said she went to you, then parents, then your team and then the city council... she has problems.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Absentglare View Post
    You can successfully wipe your ass with toilet paper, that doesn't mean that you should.

  4. #54
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    Just to add, i've been coaching for some years, and I have never had a parent complain about me. At least not to my knowledge. If they did the city didnt feel the need to call me about it.
    we live in a world where the hyper-offended are encouraged or enabled in launching lawsuits. They're probably scared of a bunch of bad press / legal settlement / etc. and want to make sure everything is on the up and up. It's not impossible that the women came to practice intending to keep acting this way in order to be told to go away precisely so they could sue.

    I think you'll probably be fine. I'm sorry to say I won't be astonished if you are asked to step down as coach. But really I feel bad for their daughter .

  5. #55
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    But it didn't end... you said she went to you, then parents, then your team and then the city council... she has problems.
    So you're the other yes vote.

  6. #56
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by X Factor View Post
    So you're the other yes vote.
    One of those, "why the hell did I do that?" moments...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Absentglare View Post
    You can successfully wipe your ass with toilet paper, that doesn't mean that you should.

  7. #57
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Quote Originally Posted by Kreton View Post
    I coach for the city here where i live. Varying sports for ages 4-13 depending on where they need help coaching. For baseball this year one of my teams is a 4-5 year old t ball team. We had our first practice last night and two women came with a little girl. I introduced myself and said hi and they immediately went on a little speech about how they are together, they are lesbians, they are raising this girl together, nothing wrong with that. Then go into whats going to happen if I discriminate against their daughter because of their sexuality, threatening lawsuits and explaining that there are laws ect. I told them I was there to teach their daughter softball, and their sexual orientation was not a factor at all and moved along. As I am meeting other parents a few of them commented that this lady had approached them and gave them a similar speech out of nowhere. After all the kids were there I gathered the kids together and started off having the kids introduce themselves to their teammates. No additional information really, just kid would say my name is Earl. And everyone would say Hi Earl to start to learn teammates names. When the little girl told everyone her name, again the lady popped into action giving her speech to everyone out there. I stopped her after about a minute and spoke to her privately, or as privately as I could on a baseball field, and let her know that it is not appropriate to interrupt a team activity like that, and again told her noone is going to be discriminating against her daughter. So today I get a call from the city letting me know she filed a complaint and is taking her child off of my team because I told her she had to hide her sexuality at our practices so it wouldn't bother other parents. I dont recall my exact wording but it was not mean, the word hiding or even sexuality didnt come out of my mouth. I only asked her not to interrupt our practices and tried to assure he that I don't care what her sexual preference is, I am there to teach baseball and the other parents are only there to watch.

    Was I wrong to ask her to stop what she was doing?
    I've only read the first two pages, but here are my thoughts.

    Someone mentioned they're looking for an issue to push, and I agree with that. If it were me, I'd calmly and rationally explain what happen to the city, and let the chips fall where they may. To be honest, if I didn't get full 100% backing I would probably resign. I feel that anything less than full exoneration would weaken my position and ability to properly coach.

    But that's just me, and I would understand if you chose to continue.
    If you claim sexual harassment to be wrong, yet you defend anyone on your side for any reason,
    then you are a hypocrite and everything you say on the matter is just babble.

  8. #58
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    So had the meeting. Started off really poorly because she and her wife were there and No-one told me that. I thought it was me and the city reps. That really irritated me.

    Anyhow, I explained why I asked her to knock it off. She had a list of problems with me it seemed like. First when I greeted her I asked the child's name and then asked who her mother was, which is offensive since she had two mothers and I shouldn't have assumed they weren't together. Then she claims I refused to acknowledge her spouse. Which through all of this the spouse never really said or did anything so I was pretty much just talking to the parent who was talking. Which not addressing her spouse means I refused to acknowledge them as a couple somehow.

    Then she claims that after she told me they were together I looked like I wanted to get away. Which this is somewhat true, largely because I didn't want to hear it, but also because other kids were arriving and I wanted to greet them more than listen to her.

    Then she said other parents were staring and giving her looks and I allowed it and she felt like parents were going to tell thier kids to not involve hers. Which as a coach I would never allow.

    Then of course I singled her out to set an example to everyone that I was in charge. Which is not why I pulled her aside.

    Then I made the apparently horrible mistake in the meeting of saying that I don't care if she is gay or not. And holy **** did that set her off. I was not supposed to call her gay, which may have some merit, I am not overly pc so maybe. And saying I didn't care about her sexualitat turned into I don't believe in civil rights or equality since I don't care about homosexual equality. Really wasn't sure how it got there.

    Though all of this I was explaining that she is taking everything way out off context and reading into things that aren't there.

    In the end, I was asked to apologize and promise to be more attentive of the sensitive issue. Which it took everything in me to do. It really did. She also got a refund and her child will be playing for free, and also will be allowed to play basketball for free when that starts. Her child is back on my team, and she is going to be my assistant coach to ensure he child gets fair playing time. Which I don't get since all children play the field, there are no reserves.

    But whatever I guess. Not too happy at them moment
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


  9. #59
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    I think what really looked bad too was she said I said exactly certain things, that I definitely did not word that way, but I kept saying I don't remember exactly what I said. She was way more certain and emotional than I was, and I was pretty sure I came across as not caring.
    “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
    Stephen R. Covey


  10. #60
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    Re: Was I wrong?

    Ouch.
    If you claim sexual harassment to be wrong, yet you defend anyone on your side for any reason,
    then you are a hypocrite and everything you say on the matter is just babble.

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