Thanks. There are a few bad AA groups out there that are not honestly following the spirit of the program, and there are probably more bad Al-Anon groups on that score than there are AA groups. Both the 'bad acts' are pretty rare. A good Al-Anon can be invaluable to help the co-dependent learn and advance as his or her loved one does. Of course alcoholism can rip a family or relationship apart and many of the non-alcoholics bail out rather than tolerate what is an intolerable situation. But many also stick it out and the alcoholism, co-dependent behavior including all the provocation, enabling, hiding it, rescuing, denial etc. become as much a way of life for her as it is for him.
So he goes to AA--it is HIS problem after all as she sees it--and she sees absolutely no reason she needs Al-anon. But as he begins to regain his life, she is still mired in the old thought patterns and perceptions, the old tapes run, the controlling behaviors stop working well as he gets well. Not only does she sometimes resent that he would do it for the people in AA when he wouldn't do it for her, the relationship becomes more and more uncomfortable for her. It just doesn't 'feel' like she expected it to feel. And eventually she either becomes so out of control he has to leave, or she leaves believing he just isn't the man she married and now it is obvious he never will be.
Which is why we see so many split up after he stops drinking. It is just one of those whole ugly dynamics that gets caught in the machinery.
So yes ladies or gentlemen. Whether your loved is still drinking or not, Al-Anon can change both of your lives and your children's for the better.
Dad's gone now and even though he quit, it was way too late.
Mix in the meds from the VA and now you have an Alzheimer's patient for the last five years of his life.
Something our VA and Military Personnel are now having a helluva time dealing with--the drug cocktail of meds and alcohol and cigs etc.
AA and Al-Anon couldn't help my parents but they helped me a little.
Though I didn't like being handed a pack of generic cigs and coffee at AA when I had quit cigs.
My Mom telling me not to come home any more in 1984--the old tough Love thing--that did help.
But I went back two years ago after 29 years and have to face it again--this time for my Wife--I've always needed a reason--it's just who I am.
Not to mention the cancer sticks--after 31 years quitting--go figure.
By the time I get terminally sick, it will be too late for myself.
I've seen it in my sport of wrestling since I started in junior high at 12-YOA in 1967.
Why drink if you're not gonna get drunk--but we were only "weekend" alkies back then right?
College today--I wouldn't be scheduling classes on Fridays--what with all of the 'Thirsty Thursday' bashes.
And tailgating--quite the American pastime--get sloshed before the game.
There was a reason for Prohibition--but the problem was far too enormous for our society to deal with.
What with crooked politicians on down the line.
From the gutter level boozer to the high lifer.
And of course the five crime families firmly entrenched from the 1920s on.
Addiction AND Abuse, I see a clear distinction, are an overwhelming plague on our society, especially with the new designer drugs.
All each of us can do is stay within and control ourselves--and get whatever help we need--and help others.
This is why I see so many former addicts/abusers going into the social fields .
