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PTSD: do we forget about the wives/families?

PTSD: do we forget about family members involved


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herenow1

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I think American Sniper was the first movie( other than Brothers) that showed what the family goes through, but it only touched on it. I think our returning service members who suffer from PTSD should be offered any and all services that benefit them. I feel for those who come back injured or psychologically tormented, but often times, the residual trickles into family life and the family silently suffers as well. A wife who rides it out is considered strong and supportive. Do you think that we as a society only think about the Soldier/Airmen/Marine etc? Do we forget about the people they live with, and how it's affecting them?
 
I can tell you first hand, NO ONE cares about the families. No one thinks about the families. Unless its YOUR family, you are isolated in your grief and suffering.
That is the reality.
 
I am a bit conflicted about this issue as a whole. On one hand, I think we need to give as much support as possible to the servicemen and women who have service-related PTSD. Otoh, they signed up for the job, and war is hell. I'm just not sure that because a man (or woman) voluntarily signs up for military service, that we owe the family, for what could become the rest of their lives.

Imo, someone who joins up, willingly putting himself at risk, should be doubly cautious about that decision, as the long-term repercussions can be horrible to a young family.
 
I can tell you first hand, NO ONE cares about the families. No one thinks about the families. Unless its YOUR family, you are isolated in your grief and suffering.
That is the reality.

So...I spent 20 years in the service. I deployed 7 times. When I was away from the base, I was done...away from the base. Even when we lived on the installation, I didnt have much of a desire to engage in base activities. As a result, I missed out on a lot of potential services for my family. They were there. They were always there. I didnt know about them and my wife wasnt told about them. But they were there.

Since we reengaged in 2002, there has been a ton of money poured into family programs. Military One Source, Army One Source, Army COmmunity Service, Air Force and Navy Family Assistance Centers, Military Family Life Consultants...there are so many programs and services offered and available to the spouse and families of AD soldiers. Add to them the FRGs, the Wives Groups, the Yellow Ribbon Campaigns, Clinical support via SWS and Behavioral Health at military hospitals. Where familes experience secondary symptoms of PTSD (Itself a secondary problem), there are programs specifically designed to target those areas as well. Financial Readiness, Resiliency Campuses, Substance Abuse Programs, Domestic Violence Victim Advocacy...again...TONS of resources. The Army set up special additional services like the Soldier Family Assistance Centers designed specifically to help spouses and families of deployed service members.

Our biggest problem is not available services. Our biggest problem is getting the message to the families about the available services.
 
I am a bit conflicted about this issue as a whole. On one hand, I think we need to give as much support as possible to the servicemen and women who have service-related PTSD. Otoh, they signed up for the job, and war is hell. I'm just not sure that because a man (or woman) voluntarily signs up for military service, that we owe the family, for what could become the rest of their lives.

Imo, someone who joins up, willingly putting himself at risk, should be doubly cautious about that decision, as the long-term repercussions can be horrible to a young family.
No one knows how they will react from the experience of war. Prior to going.
 
No one knows how they will react from the experience of war. Prior to going.

I realize that, but it's not hard to figure out that going to war and killing people can have pretty severe effects. My point is that more consideration should probably be put into making such a serious decision, and that dragging your young wife and children into such a scarring environment is probably unwise.

It's sort of like me going into nursing thirty years ago, then bitching because I have to deal with sick people, and deal with bodily fluids and dying. I signed up for it. It's stressful as hell, and more than one nurse has gone off the deep end because the job sucks. Do we owe anyone who has job stress-related depression for the rest of their lives?
 
Oo
I am a bit conflicted about this issue as a whole. On one hand, I think we need to give as much support as possible to the servicemen and women who have service-related PTSD. Otoh, they signed up for the job, and war is hell. I'm just not sure that because a man (or woman) voluntarily signs up for military service, that we owe the family, for what could become the rest of their lives.

Imo, someone who joins up, willingly putting himself at risk, should be doubly cautious about that decision, as the long-term repercussions can be horrible to a young family.

I'm not talking in the sense of "owing" the family, more that you never really hear the media talk about the family. Issues are ongoing long after the war. Remnants of anger, short temper, no tbeing comfortable in crowds, limiting places you can go, etc.
 
I think American Sniper was the first movie( other than Brothers) that showed what the family goes through, but it only touched on it. I think our returning service members who suffer from PTSD should be offered any and all services that benefit them. I feel for those who come back injured or psychologically tormented, but often times, the residual trickles into family life and the family silently suffers as well. A wife who rides it out is considered strong and supportive. Do you think that we as a society only think about the Soldier/Airmen/Marine etc? Do we forget about the people they live with, and how it's affecting them?

I appreciate the sentiment here but I'm not sure what you're getting at. I think there are many dangerous jobs and in most cases there is a brotherhood/sisterhood that develops among those in the profession and the families that support them. When a police officer dies during duty, police officers from all over the world congregate at that funeral service to show respect and to honour the service and that goes on with firefighters as well, as examples. I also think that those professions look to the care of the families left behind as well.

The difference may be in where tragedy occurs. With police/firefighters, their danger is where they live and the families live that danger every day, read and hear about it every day and the families share the experiences every day. Soldiers, however, experience their danger, for the most part, oceans away, generally by themselves, and they often suffer it internally in order to be outwardly brave and unaffected. As such, the societal closeness and protection you refer to isn't readily available for either the soldier or his/her family.

I know my father, after serving in WWII, was very disillusioned and felt abandoned by the government and those he served with when he got home. It took years for him and he never really forgave.

To answer your question, maybe it's the families of soldiers who forget other families of soldiers and they need to find ways to be more connected and supportive of each other rather than expect society in general to be understanding and supportive of something they can't appreciate.
 
Oo

I'm not talking in the sense of "owing" the family, more that you never really hear the media talk about the family. Issues are ongoing long after the war. Remnants of anger, short temper, no tbeing comfortable in crowds, limiting places you can go, etc.

Well, I'm not sure that there's any reason that the media needs to be talking about them either. Imo, those issues are better addressed privately via counseling and other resources available.
 
Not to go on about this, but the premise of the thread is simply flawed. The resources may not be widely utilized, but they ARE there.

Web Links: Families - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Now...one of our BIGGEST challenges (and its a nut we have yet to crack) is with the families of our Guard and Reservists that deploy. That is a huge problem.
 
I realize that, but it's not hard to figure out that going to war and killing people can have pretty severe effects. My point is that more consideration should probably be put into making such a serious decision, and that dragging your young wife and children into such a scarring environment is probably unwise.

It's sort of like me going into nursing thirty years ago, then bitching because I have to deal with sick people, and deal with bodily fluids and dying. I signed up for it. It's stressful as hell, and more than one nurse has gone off the deep end because the job sucks. Do we owe anyone who has job stress-related depression for the rest of their lives?
You can walk away from nursing at any time. You just cant quit your job in the service.
 
I appreciate the sentiment here but I'm not sure what you're getting at. I think there are many dangerous jobs and in most cases there is a brotherhood/sisterhood that develops among those in the profession and the families that support them. When a police officer dies during duty, police officers from all over the world congregate at that funeral service to show respect and to honour the service and that goes on with firefighters as well, as examples. I also think that those professions look to the care of the families left behind as well.

The difference may be in where tragedy occurs. With police/firefighters, their danger is where they live and the families live that danger every day, read and hear about it every day and the families share the experiences every day. Soldiers, however, experience their danger, for the most part, oceans away, generally by themselves, and they often suffer it internally in order to be outwardly brave and unaffected. As such, the societal closeness and protection you refer to isn't readily available for either the soldier or his/her family.

I know my father, after serving in WWII, was very disillusioned and felt abandoned by the government and those he served with when he got home. It took years for him and he never really forgave.

To answer your question, maybe it's the families of soldiers who forget other families of soldiers and they need to find ways to be more connected and supportive of each other rather than expect society in general to be understanding and supportive of something they can't appreciate.

Greetings, CJ. :2wave:

My mother's brother Johnnie lost a leg in New Guinea in WW2, (gangrene had set in before he was rescued) and she often talked about how he angrily said he'd give the government back every cent they ever paid him if they would give him his leg back! I guess he never really adjusted, and was bitter till he died. Why can't we use robots to fight our wars - starting with the ME! They don't suffer like humans do. One day we probably will, but not soon enough to help the mentally and physically injured we already have! Sad...
 
The military "relies" on the families to assist with recovery. Without adequate family support, the soldier suffering cannot recover adequately. By ignoring families - they take away the best support system.

I had no idea how to handle a mentally ill husband - and I still don't and it's been years. When he was retiring from the military he was gone for more than 12 months JUST to retire out (not deployed - he was stationed in another state for this whole time). And only after he was gone for 9 or those 12 months did anyone from the military call me up and ask me "Do you think he's mentally stable enough to come home"

What the hell? Of course - How would I know?

Apparently he threatened people and spent time in a mental institution because of that (not because of depression as he had led me to believe) while he was gone for those 12 months.

Wow - thanks, military. I so totally know how to handle a mentally scarred grown man who's in his 40's but has episodes like a violently ill 10 year old. I really know what to do every time he flips out, has issues, goes paranoid, and hallucinates.

Yeah - I'm a ****ing therapist and a psychiatrist. Somehow, by being related or married to service-members we come with knowledge and insight. Bull****, I'm just his wife. I have no clue what the **** to do - so often I ignore him when he had episodes because trying to comfort him just doesn't do anything positive.

The military broke him - and people expect me to either know how to fix him OR just leave him. Gee - thanks. That's great I LOVE that. (sarcasm)

On this note - some states have better support systems for families. Where I live, we don't have a damned thing. The only time I ever felt like what I was going through mattered was when I was staying with him at the Nicoe unit (new high-tech med facility near DC for soldiers with mental illnesses that are undiagnosed). That was it - 2 weeks out of the month he stayed there I went to visit him and that was the only time anyone communicated with me about his health, his mental state, and what his issues really were.

Considering the nature of his mental ailment and what caused it - I was offended and shocked that they removed me from that loop for some stupid Hippa bull****. I sleep with him, I assist him when he's recovering from surgery. I ****ing MATTER in his life. But they leave it up to the soldiers to inform their spouses over their health and mental issues.

HELLO - does that make any ****ing sens? They leave it up to mentally ill men and women to DECIDE they're going to inform their spouse of their MENTAL issues? So they have to humiliate their selves and feel like ****? Many DO NOT do it. It's too painful, too humiliating. They shouldn't HAVE to do it, either.

I am a bit conflicted about this issue as a whole. On one hand, I think we need to give as much support as possible to the servicemen and women who have service-related PTSD. Otoh, they signed up for the job, and war is hell. I'm just not sure that because a man (or woman) voluntarily signs up for military service, that we owe the family, for what could become the rest of their lives.

Imo, someone who joins up, willingly putting himself at risk, should be doubly cautious about that decision, as the long-term repercussions can be horrible to a young family.

Yeah, exactly. People think we don't matter. But when soldiers flip out and kill people / etc - the first people they look to with 'what in the hell happened' are the families. Most families are all "I didn't know what was going on / what to do" . . . nad part of that comes from being ignored / not spoken to / not involved in therapy and recovery. We don't matter.

Hell - privacy laws prevent them from talking to US . . . because we don't matter, even to the medical community.

But we do suffer directly from it more than people know - spouses AND children.
 
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Greetings, CJ. :2wave:

My mother's brother Johnnie lost a leg in New Guinea in WW2, (gangrene had set in before he was rescued) and she often talked about how he angrily said he'd give the government back every cent they ever paid him if they would give him his leg back! I guess he never really adjusted, and was bitter till he died. Why can't we use robots to fight our wars - starting with the ME! They don't suffer like humans do. One day we probably will, but not soon enough to help the mentally and physically injured we already have! Sad...

Good morning Lady P - milder here today, but the freeze is coming back later in the week - hope all is good with you.

I don't know about the robots part - I guess you could call drones robots in that they're unmanned and are controlled by humans outside of the battlefield. But robots are exceedingly expensive at this point.
 
Not to go on about this, but the premise of the thread is simply flawed. The resources may not be widely utilized, but they ARE there.

Web Links: Families - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Now...one of our BIGGEST challenges (and its a nut we have yet to crack) is with the families of our Guard and Reservists that deploy. That is a huge problem.

It is not hard to crack the nut, just expensive. We do not have the mental healthcare system in the US to deal with people's chronic issues. This was the result of decisions made a generation ago. It is more economical to incarcerate people or drug them into submission than to provide them a more holistic system the deal with mental issues. We could learn from this and use it to build a widely available mental health system, but we will not because Lord forbid a corporate CEO has to pay some taxes.
 
It is not hard to crack the nut, just expensive. We do not have the mental healthcare system in the US to deal with people's chronic issues. This was the result of decisions made a generation ago. It is more economical to incarcerate people or drug them into submission than to provide them a more holistic system the deal with mental issues. We could learn from this and use it to build a widely available mental health system, but we will not because Lord forbid a corporate CEO has to pay some taxes.

MilitaryOneSource pays for 12 free sessions for any family member. VA services are free. ArmyOne SOurce, ACS, SFACs, military SWS and Behavioral Health Services...all provided free. VA PTSD clinic services...all free.

Save your partisan ramblings for a topic they might actually apply to.
 
Not to go on about this, but the premise of the thread is simply flawed. The resources may not be widely utilized, but they ARE there.

Web Links: Families - PTSD: National Center for PTSD

Now...one of our BIGGEST challenges (and its a nut we have yet to crack) is with the families of our Guard and Reservists that deploy. That is a huge problem.

I wish I could say it's all very helpful - but what's available and how efficient it is varies widely state to state and where you live in relation to certain help centers.

I have 3 mentally ill people in this home on medication and seeking out therapy - I'm worn the **** out between their needs and beyond those necessities I have no time or energy for much anything else.

White flag - I surrendered a long time ago.
 
I wish I could say it's all very helpful - but what's available and how efficient it is varies widely state to state and where you live in relation to certain help centers.

I have 3 mentally ill people in this home on medication and seeking out therapy - I'm worn the **** out between their needs and beyond those necessities I have no time or energy for much anything else.

White flag - I surrendered a long time ago.
Im sure. I wish there was some sort of catch all. I mentioned the families of guard and reservists...some people live 2-3 hundred miles from their drill locations. Its really difficult to get services out to them as well. The VA has been using traveling/mobile care centers and doing a lot of work with tele-outreach.

Not saying its perfect but that there ARE a lot of resources. I believe we in the military are often our families worst enemies when it comes to making people aware of what is actually available.

Anyway...take this for what it is worth. I am pretty connected in with support services and if there is ever anything I could help with, please feel free to PM me. No promises and I'm sure you have already checked things out. Just sayin. And sincere good thoughts for you and your family.
 
Good morning Lady P - milder here today, but the freeze is coming back later in the week - hope all is good with you.

I don't know about the robots part - I guess you could call drones robots in that they're unmanned and are controlled by humans outside of the battlefield. But robots are exceedingly expensive at this point.

Maybe I've seen too many Star Wars movies, but they used on-the-ground type robots with legs that enabled them to rapidly get up-front and personal about destroying an enemy one on one. With all the latest technology we have at our fingertips, it doesn't seem too far-fetched to think it's possible. It would spare humans from being shipped halfway the world to die or suffer injuries that last a lifetime - both mentally and physically. In addition, we are not reproducing ourselves fast enough to halt the decline in our numbers in the Western world, while they seem to breed like rabbits in the ME! Go figure...

We are currently at 17 degrees, but dropping to the minuses tonight, and tomorrow is showing we're only going to get to a high of -2 and dropping to double digit minuses tomorrow night. Maybe by the weekend it will improve a little - not that 10 degrees for a high is anything to cheer about! :thumbdown: I see a lot of replacing bushes and fruits due to winterkill in my near future! :2mad:
 
I wish I could say it's all very helpful - but what's available and how efficient it is varies widely state to state and where you live in relation to certain help centers.

I have 3 mentally ill people in this home on medication and seeking out therapy - I'm worn the **** out between their needs and beyond those necessities I have no time or energy for much anything else.

White flag - I surrendered a long time ago.

It's good your H is being treAted. It's even scarier when they think there's no problem.
 
Im sure. I wish there was some sort of catch all. I mentioned the families of guard and reservists...some people live 2-3 hundred miles from their drill locations. Its really difficult to get services out to them as well. The VA has been using traveling/mobile care centers and doing a lot of work with tele-outreach.

Not saying its perfect but that there ARE a lot of resources. I believe we in the military are often our families worst enemies when it comes to making people aware of what is actually available.

Anyway...take this for what it is worth. I am pretty connected in with support services and if there is ever anything I could help with, please feel free to PM me. No promises and I'm sure you have already checked things out. Just sayin. And sincere good thoughts for you and your family.

Thank you.

It's good your H is being treAted. It's even scarier when they think there's no problem.

Everyone just gets worn out after a while. You always know there's something wrong but damnit - it's just exhausting to focus on all the time.

For one: you're never truly 'healed' - you're always in a state of 'coping'.
For another: it's constant - or random and sporadic. After time everyone involved just gets exhausted with the whole thing, especially the one who's sick.

I can't blame my husband for getting tired of appointments, questions, unease, therapy, pills - repeat. When he relapses it starts with him not going to an appointment or two because he has other things he wants to do with his time.

I have a hard time holding him to it, I really do - because I always feel like he and we have gone through enough of the 'treatment' and need a break . . . but there is no break. It's not like a broken leg that gets better - it's a disease that has no cure.

And repeat - and repeat . . . it's just endless. Time doesn't seem to diminish it, either. In fact, I think time makes it worse because then other health problems develop and worsen. My husband at first ONLY had mental health issues and some physical injuries to recover from.

Now his mental issues have worsened. He has breathing, neurological and psychological, physical, intestinal and cardiac issues. It's like his body is breaking down piece by piece and that's making all of his mental issues MUCH worse.
 
MilitaryOneSource pays for 12 free sessions for any family member. VA services are free. ArmyOne SOurce, ACS, SFACs, military SWS and Behavioral Health Services...all provided free. VA PTSD clinic services...all free.

Save your partisan ramblings for a topic they might actually apply to.

They apply to this issue. There isn't a VA clinic in every town in the country and "12 free sessions" are meaningless for people who will have a lifetime of issues.
 
They apply to this issue. There isn't a VA clinic in every town in the country and "12 free sessions" are meaningless for people who will have a lifetime of issues.
12 free sessions is a start. There are a ton of resources available as I have demonstrated. The facts wont matter to you if all you care about is turning this into some sort of partisan rant.
 
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