View Poll Results: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

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  • No, it's a legitimate question.

    28 87.50%
  • Yes, the abused reasons are their own, and nothing... not even continuing... is their fault.

    2 6.25%
  • Other.

    2 6.25%
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Thread: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

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    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    I picked other. I think most of these spousal abuse victims have some sort of mental problems similar to stockholm syndrome and or some stay with their abusers out of fear. Its why all states should have a no-drop policy when police respond to domestic abuse and prosecute all domestic abuse calls regardless if the victim does or does not drop charges.
    "A nation can survive its fools, and even the ambitious. But it cannot survive treason from within. An enemy at the gates is less formidable, for he is known and carries his banner openly. But the traitor moves amongst those within the gate freely, his sly whispers rustling through all the alleys, heard in the very halls of government itself. For the traitor appears not a traitor; he speaks in accents familiar to his victims, and he wears their face and their arguments, he appeals to the baseness that lies deep in the hearts of all men. He rots the soul of a nation, he works secretly and unknown in the night to undermine the pillars of the city, he infects the body politic so that it can no longer resist. A murder is less to fear"

    Cicero Marcus Tullius

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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    I know myself, when I grow up these things will end in two ways.

    I respect the woman when she doesn't whine about her abuse despite not doing anything about it.

    She whines about her abuse and then I ask her why the hell she is staying with the guy (mostly out of being annoyed).

    I'm a cold hearted PoS sometimes. Don't annoy me with reparable problems I guess.
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It's a legitimate question to see where their heads at. I've had friends that couldn't leave due to finances, but once family let them come home, or their money was right, they left. I can understand that situation. If the woman doesn't have kids and or has a job, I can't understand it!

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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    It's a legitimate question to see where their heads at. I've had friends that couldn't leave due to finances, but once family let them come home, or their money was right, they left. I can understand that situation. If the woman doesn't have kids and or has a job, I can't understand it!
    Shouldn't have had kids with an abusive husband?

    I still cannot see why the woman shouldn't be blamed (and of course the husband in jail but that's a different and much clearer debate), in one situation she refuses to leave for god knows why in the other situation she had kids with an asshole for god knows why.
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    It depends on if the questioner places the blame on the victim because they didn't leave, or if they are genuinely curious about the psychology and economics of abuse victims

    Usually, it's the former

    Quote Originally Posted by Luftwaffe View Post
    Shouldn't have had kids with an abusive husband?


    I still cannot see why the woman shouldn't be blamed (and of course the husband in jail but that's a different and much clearer debate), in one situation she refuses to leave for god knows why in the other situation she had kids with an asshole for god knows why.
    case in point
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Luftwaffe View Post
    Shouldn't have had kids with an abusive husband?

    I still cannot see why the woman shouldn't be blamed (and of course the husband in jail but that's a different and much clearer debate), in one situation she refuses to leave for god knows why in the other situation she had kids with an asshole for god knows why.
    Sometimes the abuse starts off small( push or a shove) or after the kid(s) is born. Some men don't handle coming in second place well. Btw, have you ever had a friend or know of someone who's been hit by their SO?

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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    Sometimes the abuse starts off small( push or a shove) or after the kid(s) is born. Some men don't handle coming in second place well. Btw, have you ever had a friend or know of someone who's been hit by their SO?
    better yet, family.
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Asking a question =/= blame.
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    In my view, it's clearly a legitimate question. It confronts the woman with a reality that many such women avoid and those around her avoid approaching. To me, it's no different than asking a smoker why he/she keeps smoking - or asking a gambler why he/she keeps gambling to excess - or asking a heavy drinker why they keep drinking to excess - or an overweight person why they keep eating to excess. In all of these cases, in my view, the person has avoided the reality of their circumstances and in effect needs a form of intervention to shock them into their own reality - you can't hope to change or mitigate a behaviour unless the person first admits to the problem.
    "Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover that there are other views." William F. Buckley Jr.

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