View Poll Results: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

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  • No, it's a legitimate question.

    28 87.50%
  • Yes, the abused reasons are their own, and nothing... not even continuing... is their fault.

    2 6.25%
  • Other.

    2 6.25%
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Thread: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

  1. #21
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    What happens? DV?
    Yes... maybe not as many men stay with the abuser but it is close...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lursa View Post
    I'm sexist and hypocritical, lol:

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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    Opinions change with experience... that is something that experience teaches you.
    I won't change in this regard. Too arrogant to do so.
    -----MOS 19D = cavalry scout = best damn MOS there is

  3. #23
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    Yes... maybe not as many men stay with the abuser but it is close...
    Gotcha. Didn't you say you saw your mom get beat as well? If so... Time to break that cycle!

  4. #24
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    Gotcha. Didn't you say you saw your mom get beat as well? If so... Time to break that cycle!
    Close... I was the one abused by my wife. I stayed because I thought that I could help her and because we had kids. It ended when she cheated on me and as that was the last straw.

    I have been out for 4 years now but she still is abusive and once attacked me, abused our children and is an emotional and psychological ruin.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lursa View Post
    I'm sexist and hypocritical, lol:

  5. #25
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Luftwaffe View Post
    I won't change in this regard. Too arrogant to do so.
    That is the interesting thing about experience... you don't know what will change you and what wont. Enjoy the ride...
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lursa View Post
    I'm sexist and hypocritical, lol:

  6. #26
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    Close... I was the one abused by my wife. I stayed because I thought that I could help her and because we had kids. It ended when she cheated on me and as that was the last straw.

    I have been out for 4 years now but she still is abusive and once attacked me, abused our children and is an emotional and psychological ruin.
    I really hope you have custody of your kids!!

  7. #27
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by herenow1 View Post
    I really hope you have custody of your kids!!
    Thanks... Shared Care close to 50/50. I would have to take her to Court again for Full Custody. After I called Child Services on her she freaked and hasn't laid a hand on them since. Since she is Borderline Personality Disorder she doesn't think that she has a problem and is getting into another marriage and has a kid with that man, who I tried to warn but would have none of it as she is so believable with her web of deceit. In a few more years the girls will be old enough to decide, legally, where they want to live (14 here) and they will be with me more, I am sure.
    Quote Originally Posted by Bucky View Post
    I have pooped in public, even in public neighborhoods.
    Quote Originally Posted by Lursa View Post
    I'm sexist and hypocritical, lol:

  8. #28
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    It's not blaming the victim for bad behavior of an abuser, it's blaming a person for remaining with abusers.
    Killing one person is murder, killing 100,000 is foreign policy

  9. #29
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by Bodhisattva View Post
    Close... I was the one abused by my wife. I stayed because I thought that I could help her and because we had kids. It ended when she cheated on me and as that was the last straw.

    I have been out for 4 years now but she still is abusive and once attacked me, abused our children and is an emotional and psychological ruin.
    I'm glad you are out of that situation. Please tell me she does not have custody of the children!

  10. #30
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    Re: Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    Quote Originally Posted by radcen View Post
    Is asking why a woman stays with an abuser "blaming the victim"?

    It can apply to many scenarios, but I'll use the recent Ray/Janay Rice incident as that is still current news.

    It is not uncommon for people to point out or ask why the abused person (usually the woman, but not always) stays with their abuser. I have seen several instances where the person making that point was chastised for "blaming the victim". I presume that goes on the assumption that any reason they do is justified in their own mind, and ALL the fault lies on the abuser.

    Is asking the question "blaming the victim"?

    I do not condone abuse in any way, shape, or form, and there is no excuse for it, but it seems to me that that is indeed a legitimate question. One can delve deeper and find out *why* they stay, and take that knowledge to encourage them to take action and escape, and that's what I think the true purpose behind asking why they stay is aimed at.
    What's wrong with blaming the victim for allowing herself to stay a victim? Sounds like a logical conclusion to me. If I bang my head against the wall, and give myself a black eye, are you blaming the victim if you tell me I'm stupid not to stop doing that?

    The abused woman who continues to stay in that kind of relationship (at her own expense and, many (if not most) times at the expense of her children) is just as much in need of help as her abuser. Maybe more.

    "Why do you stay with him?" is an important question to insist an abused woman reflect on. If that's blaming her? So be it.
    The devil whispered in my ear, "You cannot withstand the storm." I whispered back, "I am ​the storm."

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