View Poll Results: is it ever allowable for a Parent to punish their child with force?

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    46 66.67%
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    15 21.74%
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Thread: Parents: Punishing Kids [W:361]

  1. #241
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    What do you do with a kid that calculates the consequence into what he does and gladly accepts that consequence?

    My son will gladly loose his video game when he gets caught doing something he knows is wrong.

    He knows taking away the video game did not hurt him.

    That is a very dangerous child in that he calculates the consequence and does the wrong thing anyway.

    The bigger he gets the worse the things are going to get that he does.

    What do you do with a child like that?
    They easy solution to that is the you escalate the punishment until the "cost" is not worth the offense. In other words, if taking away his video game for a weekend is worth it to him....then maybe losing the video game for a month. Or maybe you change the punishment, he gets grounded for two weeks. When they get bigger....they lose driving privileges.

    There are much more effective means to discipline a child than hitting them.
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  2. #242
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Henrin View Post
    I was a kid like that. When I was little my dad was trying his approach in parenting that would eventually give in completely to my mothers, but only after it was proven to be a failure. His approach was basically that I was to follow his command and that whatever objection I had was not important. One of his punishments that he would issue was the idea that you should take away your kids possessions and enjoyments when they act up. I responded very badly to this approach and saw it as insult that deserved to be challenged head on. I decided that I didn't care if he wanted to ground me from playing video games nor did I care if he wanted to bar me from really anything he could muster. It didn't matter to me anymore. There was plenty of time when I had nothing except my bed and even then in time when he found out I would do nothing but lay in bed he banned me from even going in my room until bedtime. His goal was to force me to do what he wanted, and I am not the kind of person that accepts that kind of treatment, so I just flat out refused to do anything at all. In time as I said, he dropped it and at that point my behavior improved.
    Thank youfor making my point for me.

    The only thing that works with a kid like that is pain.

  3. #243
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    I was, and still am, that child.

    First, that child does not respect you, at least not as much as you think. I'm sure that child has all kinds of warm mushy feelings for you and all, but when it comes down to obaying your word, respect for you isn't there to stop him or even make him feel sorry afterwards.

    Second, your punishments have to make the risk greater than the reward.

    No punishment will work if he doesn't respect you. He'll just circumvent the punishment, and after a point he won't even try to hide that he went around you.

    That's when you'll go insane.
    Here is the problem. We live in Mexico. I am trying to save his life for when he gets older.

    He needs to listen to what we say when we say it but he doesn't get that.

    I think the only thing I can do with him at this point is start to spank him. I have never done it, his mother does a little, but I think that is the only thing he will respond to, like he is asking for it.

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Jerry View Post
    My step mother tried the whole "I'll take your things away" aproach.

    There was a ghost in the house...everytime she took something of mine away, something of hers vanished.
    Haha. I wasn't the kind of kid that would steal stuff or was revengeful. I wasn't actually that bad at all really. My approach was just to ignore the punishment and act like it wasn't bothering me, but in reality, it was bothering me plenty. It was pretty transparent of course, but I was a kid, so I didn't consider appearances, just how I was going to nullify the punishment.

  5. #245
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Goshin View Post
    I rarely raise my voice to children. On the rare occasions I do, it is the deep-throated 'voice of command' issuing a terse ultimatum, and rarely ever is that disregarded.... because they know that's their last warning before....


    Things were a lot easier with my niece. I made it a point to not use bad language around her for years but she raoyally pissed me off one day and I swore at her, and she was shocked into silence. It really made an impression on her and she never did anything like that again.

    My son is different.

    He really doesn't care about the consequences so he does what he wants.

    For example his mother tells me he is so sweet and tender with small animals.

    Well yesterday a neighbor dog was inside my front porch, where he left the gate open, and to get him out he kicked the dog hard inthe rear.

    I saw that and brought him in.

    He really believes it is better to say sorry afterwards that ask permission before.

  6. #246
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    Thank youfor making my point for me.

    The only thing that works with a kid like that is pain.
    Actually, for me, my mothers approach worked that relied on understanding and choice. She did not believe in punishments outside of time out and even then she would not abandon her desire to reach the child.

  7. #247
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by disneydude View Post
    They easy solution to that is the you escalate the punishment until the "cost" is not worth the offense. In other words, if taking away his video game for a weekend is worth it to him....then maybe losing the video game for a month. Or maybe you change the punishment, he gets grounded for two weeks. When they get bigger....they lose driving privileges.

    There are much more effective means to discipline a child than hitting them.
    That is like rolling the dice and hoping it will work.

    Since I live in Mexico, I don't want him growing up to be a good Mexican, which means having no respect for authority at all.

    You are right that the punishment should be enhanced, however doing the same thing, albeit for a longer time, is doing the same thing.

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    Well yesterday a neighbor dog was inside my front porch, where he left the gate open, and to get him out he kicked the dog hard inthe rear.
    Umm...it seems pretty obvious he didn't know how to deal with the dog when it refused to move. How was his action really different from someone that spanks their kid when they refuse to obey the rules? All he did was use pain to get the dog to move. Is that not what you are promoting be done to children?

  9. #249
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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Henrin View Post
    Actually, for me, my mothers approach worked that relied on understanding and choice. She did not believe in punishments outside of time out and even then she would not abandon her desire to reach the child.
    You are saying that taking away your possessions didn't work but standing in a corner for 10 minutes did work?

    That is hard to believe.

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    Re: Parents: Punishing Kids

    Quote Originally Posted by Mason66 View Post
    You are saying that taking away your possessions didn't work but standing in a corner for 10 minutes did work?

    That is hard to believe.
    It goes deeper than that. My problem with the punishments delivered by my father is that they would get under my skin and instead of motivating me to change my behavior they would piss me off and motivate me to defy his rules out of spite. The other issue is that I didn't respect him nor did I like him as a person, so my willingness to listen to him was decreased considerably. When you add in the fact he wouldn't listen to me at any point in time over anything there was really no chance he was going to be able to control me.

    Time outs were annoying but my mother respected me and listened to what I had to say. I considered her kind and gentle and I loved everything about her. She had my full attention because she earned it and she was very willing to give me the time of day I deserved and accept my opinions for what they were instead of ignoring me and the reasons I did something. The time out wasn't a leading factor really at all.

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